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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Left my husband sat in hotel what do I do now?

78 replies

Whatdoidonow18 · 30/06/2018 19:44

I've left him, I had to leave my daughter there she's 2 years old.

I don't know what to do, sat in hotel room.

I shouldn't have left the house should i, i shouldn't have left dd with him? He's going to take her off me now.

OP posts:
OnlyBaBaBiss · 30/06/2018 19:46

Why did you have to leave the baby? Is she safe??

gillybeanz · 30/06/2018 19:46

Go back and get her, what happened?

HollowTalk · 30/06/2018 19:47

Go back and get her! Tell him you just went to the shop. Don't leave without her.

W0rriedMum · 30/06/2018 19:47

It sounds like you left in a hurry. Were you in danger?
Can you go back and plan the departure a little better, making an informed decision on whether your daughter should come with you?

MrsChollySawcutt · 30/06/2018 19:48

Stop. Breathe. Try and gather your thoughts.

Thing 1 - Is the baby safe? If not, Call the police immediately.

Thing 2 - Are you safe? What happened to make you walk out like that. If you felt your safety was threatened, call the police immediately.

TeenTimesTwo · 30/06/2018 19:48
Flowers

Is this definitely can't even return territory? (eg fear of DV)
Or
Could go back and pretend I was just throwing a strop, then get ducks in a row and leave in a more orderly fashion with DD territory?

gottachangethename1 · 30/06/2018 19:48

If you know your child is safe with him, stay in the hotel for tonight, it will give you some breathing space.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/06/2018 20:26

Please get back to us. I'm worried about you and your DD

Cawfee · 30/06/2018 20:46

Are you ok OP?

Original poster
Whatdoidonow18 · 30/06/2018 20:53

Sorry phone died and so i went for a walk to clear my head

She's safe i just couldn't stay there anymore I had to get out of there he's emotionally abusive today's rant is I took too long running around doing errands this afternoon. It shouldn't have taken me 2 and 1/2 hours. I wanted to have a bbq but i left it too late to put it on - because obviously he couldn't do it while he was sat around watching the football.

I tried to get him to go to his parents a few weeks ago and he told me he wasn't going anywhere and i had to leave. - my family are abroad I've got nowhere to go.

He told me I'm not taking my daughter he's keeping her because I'm not a fit parent and I can't look after her on my own.

I'm recovering from postnatal depression and anxiety - I'm sorry worried he'll take her off me and not let me see her

OP posts:
GirlfriendInAKorma · 30/06/2018 21:08

I have zero expertise @Whatdoidonow18, but do you have any friends you can confide in? It sounds like you're going through a really tough time.

Having PND is very common and definitely does not mean you are an unfit parent. He won't be able to take your child away from you. Thanks

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/06/2018 21:12

I was about to say the same. Can you call someone? Who in your circle would you want to tell you if she was going through the same? Bet there's at least one person. Because this is a crisis and you need support x

MrsChollySawcutt · 30/06/2018 21:13

OP get in touch with Women's Aid and get some advice on your situation.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

He can't keep your child from you. He's telling you that to keep you in line and control you.

Whatever you do, stay safe. Thanks

Original poster
Whatdoidonow18 · 30/06/2018 21:20

Not really no Sad

I have to go away for work at the beginning of the week but thought I could text and say I'd like him to go to his parents until I can sort somewhere else to live.

I don't want to go back and have to live with him but I cant afford to stay in a hotel.

Will the council house me in temporary accommodation? Or will they say I've made myself homeless? Where can I go?
I don't want to go back Sad

I've got to haven't I Sad i didn't have time to say goodbye to dd or say goodnight.

Left in rush as he's stopped me leaving the house when I trued to leave before.

Sorry for the drip feed.

OP posts:
ItsalmostSummer · 30/06/2018 21:28

Ok. I understand you left to protect yourself, but your 2 year old daughter ... it was okay to leave her?

Original poster
Whatdoidonow18 · 30/06/2018 21:35

He won't hurt her, she's fine for tonight.

He might have hurt her or me if i tried to leave with her. He's previous prevented me from leaving the house when i tried to leave when she was a baby and he threw me to the ground when I tried to leave before we had her.

I also didn't actually have anywhere to go, i just left with a few over night things packed in a bag? I had to park in a car park so i could go online to find a hotel for the night.

I'll have to go back tomorrow to get my work things. Sad I'm going to go back first thing and take her out for the day.

This is the first time I actually managed to leave may be when I go get my stuff tomorrow he'll have decided to go to his parents?

I feel really alone at the moment thanks for holding my hand.

OP posts:
Helmlover · 30/06/2018 21:36

Why would you leave your 2 year old daughter with an emotionally abusive man?

Helmlover · 30/06/2018 21:39

Sorry just seen your most recent post, however if I was fleeing abuse my child would be the first person I would want to protect, over myself.

Original poster
Whatdoidonow18 · 30/06/2018 21:46

Well I'm obviously an awful mother then aren't i

OP posts:
Nellia · 30/06/2018 21:46

Call womens aid. Find out about space in a womens refuge for you and your dd.
Call in sick to work for a few days untill you are sorted.
Call your gp on monday if you have post natel depression and anxiety you will need more help.
Does he work who will look after her when he goes can you not collect her then?

GirlfriendInAKorma · 30/06/2018 21:47

Can you tell work that your marriage is breaking down? Might they cut you some slack so that you can have a bit of time to sort things out?

Go get your girl tomorrow and call women's aid for some help. You and your daughter have to be your priority.

He sounds awful. Stay in touch on here please x

GirlfriendInAKorma · 30/06/2018 21:49

Well I'm obviously an awful mother then aren't i

Absolutely not. You have recognised that you're in a bad situation and you're going to sort it out for both of your futures.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/06/2018 22:00

Don't you think it would be a good idea to call the police about this? Because as he's been violent before, if you go back tomorrow and he won't let you take her you're going to have to call the police. It would be better to discuss it with them in advance. They might offer to go with you.

I'd ring Women's Aid too. I like to cover all my bases.

Helmlover · 30/06/2018 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScrubTheDecks · 30/06/2018 22:10

You are not an awful mother, no. Flowers

You are a mother in a very upsetting situation.

You need to keep yourself safe, and you need to protect your interests.

Protecting your interests means not giving him grounds to say you abandoned your child.

Go and get her before he takes her to his parents. Make sure you tell an outside agency what is going on: tell women’s aid, your GP (who I assume has been taking care of you for you PND), your health visitor or the police. If he is at all refusing to hand over your Dd call the police.