Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Left my husband sat in hotel what do I do now?

78 replies

Whatdoidonow18 · 30/06/2018 19:44

I've left him, I had to leave my daughter there she's 2 years old.

I don't know what to do, sat in hotel room.

I shouldn't have left the house should i, i shouldn't have left dd with him? He's going to take her off me now.

OP posts:
TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 30/06/2018 22:11

for goodness sakes back the fuck off. The OP is in a vulnerable position, she needs support not a kicking.

Helmlover · 30/06/2018 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tribpot · 30/06/2018 22:17

Helmlover I think the OP meant that if she tried to leave with her DD, there was a risk of harm to either her or her DD. But she does not perceive there to be a risk to the DD on her own - the focus of the violence is the OP.

Are you in contact with your health visitor if you're struggling with PND?

I do think you probably need to go to the police and say you want to leave your H but as he has been violent in the past you are worried about the risk of violence if you have to remove your DD on your own. I don't think now is the time to go away for work, you need to focus on getting yourself and your DD to a place of safety.

OutComeTheWolves · 30/06/2018 22:21

@Helmlover fuck off. You haven't said anything remotely helpful. You've just made someone who already feels a bit shit possibly feel even worse.

GirlfriendInAKorma · 30/06/2018 22:24

It's impossible to explain the nuances of a situation in a few lines on MN. I'm sure if the OP had a shred of doubt that her daughter was safe, she wouldn't have left her.

Helmlover · 30/06/2018 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/06/2018 22:29

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Talk to WA tonight, and perhaps the police DV unit tomorrow: get someone to come back to the house with you and collect your DD and some belongings. There is help out there. It may be possible to have the man removed from the house and forbidden to return.

MrsDc7 · 30/06/2018 22:30

I second that @helmlover... fuck off you goady cow, what an unhelpful person you are

Helmlover · 30/06/2018 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/06/2018 22:31

Helm the poster has repeatedly told you she’s the victim when he is angry
Op fled to protect herself and reduce immediate risk to the child
Helm you berating the op actually isn’t achieving anything other than belittling a vulnerable woman
Refrain from berating a vulnerable woman with all your should haves

HollowTalk · 30/06/2018 22:31

I think you should call in at the police station and talk to the domestic violence unit before you go home, OP. This is really serious and they need to know he's a massive problem.

welshmist · 30/06/2018 22:34

Good advice on contacting WA and involving police.

Pickleypickles · 30/06/2018 22:35

Some people on here should be ashamed of themselves. What's done is done. I'm sure OP knows how safe her child is better than a bunch of strangers. This is woman crying out for help and some of decide to kick her when shes down? If only we could all be the upstanding, straight thinking, mums of the year that some of you seem to be.

OP you have done nothing wrong. You are strong and you are trying to fix an awful situation. Maybe call 101 see if someone could go round tomorrow with you to get your dd back as you scared of violence. And definately call women's aid.
Keep strong this is the start of your brand new life without your dickhead ex. Flowers

user764329056 · 30/06/2018 22:41

Sweetheart, you must feel so confused and overwhelmed, I think in your position I would call the police to ask if there is an officer I can speak to, domestic abuse situations are taken much more seriously now thank goodness and I feel positive you will get some help. I am sorry you are going through this xx

NotLeanButMean · 30/06/2018 22:43

Is it an option to pretend you're taking DD out for the day tomorrow, get some essentials for you both and leave properly then with her?

ThanksThanks one year out of an abusive relationship, my DD was the same age as yours. Life is indescribably better.

Helmlover · 30/06/2018 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vampyress · 30/06/2018 22:45

Okay OP, take a deep breath and ignore the people making you feel like a bad mother, you are not in any way. Now if you call the police, explain that you have left your husband due to abuse but your daughter is still with him and you are worried that if you return to collect her without an escort he will harm both you and her as he has done so in the past. Explain you have arranged a safe place to stay for the night buy need help getting your daughter out of the house. My ex locked me out of the house with our son inside with him and the police came and helped me get my son out, there was no judgement and they did not encourage me to remain. If you reach out to them then they will help.

You cant leave this sweetheart, you need to get your daughter out tonight as otherwise you will struggle during any possible custody battles as any lawyer worth a penny will use the fact you left your baby with him as sign you weren't truly concerned about his behaviour (relating to violence). They would try and make it sound like you were just hysterical due to mental health issues rather than your husband being an absolute shit bag (which isn't at all the truth but these people get paid to destroy characters).

Iggi999 · 30/06/2018 22:51

She wouldn't have been able to do that, Helm, based on her previous experience. I suspect a lot of women live with abuse on the basis that their partner won't "let" them leave with the dc. I would not advise the OP to return without another adult with her (ideally a police officer)

ThinkingCat · 30/06/2018 22:54

Hi OP, my suggestion is to phone The Samaritans now on 116 123 and talk it through with them. They may also have other helpful numbers to hand that they can give you.

LizJones · 30/06/2018 22:56

Don't leave without your DD. My friend did, lost her to the ex. Never leave without DD go back and get her tomorrow. Ring in work sick.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 30/06/2018 22:57

its ok. have a sleep.

SoloD · 30/06/2018 23:01

I am sort of in a similar situation. You are not alone. Social services have people who are trained to observe your partner and spot where they are manipulating and controlling. It's not simply your word against your (ex) partner. They will believe you and they can help you.

All the best

Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 30/06/2018 23:02

Helm I'm with you, no way at all do you leave your child. Op has no clue of what this volatile men may or may not do.
Children and their needs come first imo.

gamerwidow · 30/06/2018 23:02

Stay where you are tonight, from what you've said your DH has no history of violence to your DD (or you) and she is safe until morning. Going back tonight will only inflame the situation and cause more upset and risk to your DD.
Phone Women's Aid now 0808 2000 247 they will let you know what your next steps would be. It's easy for posters on this thread to tell you what to do but we don't have the experience necessary to really be able to support you.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best in getting out of this horrible situation.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/06/2018 23:23

Again you’re hypothesising lurid and alarmist what ifs. Why?whats the gain
You’re a self appointed judge of moral behaviour & safeguarding,and it’s making you pompous
So let’s leave the what ifs aside,it adds nothing.in the here and now it’s the op
So Rather than speculate why don’t you offer a supportive post, if you have a specific knowledge impart that

Swipe left for the next trending thread