I've fucked up and i dont know how to fix it.

[Rollyrollyrollyrolly]

Been with do 12 months. No arguments stuff been great. I've been having a really tough time atm with life and not coping very well with stuff.
My dp out earns me by alot and it doesnt bother me 99% of the time. I always pay my own way etc. But today he was going on about buying some designer clothes just because he felt like a treat (I understand there is nothing wrong with this, he works hard for his money) and i just blew up, i dont know why, but i said to him "how do you think it makes me feel when i haven't got a pot piss in and have to choose between feeding myself and clothing my baby and you prance around showing off thing youve bought all the time, it makes me feel like a failure" Understandably he got very upset and defensive and has ended things as I'm "clearly only after his money, he cant belive i would something like that and his ex was financially abusive towards him so its clearly a big red flag and he doesnt want to speak to me again" im heartbroken and dont know what to do. I feel like the biggest bitch on he planet. On top of everything else in my life, my best friend died last month and i dont have anyone else to talk to. If it wasn't for my daughter i dont what I'd do.
Please be kind i know i was out of line but very delicate atm and dont need another kicking. How can I fix this?

Don't even try. He's not worth it. After a year together he knows you weren't after his money! he should be supporting you with your loss, and treating YOU instead of peacocking about new designer gear for himself.

Sorry for the loss of your friend

OMG
When I met my husband I was a single parent.
He earned loads more than me.
After about a year he had a tax rebate. He GAVE me over £2000 of it lol
He sounds like a dick !

If i lose him I will literally have no one to talk to IRL except my mum and dad and they live 70 miles away. I dont have a single friend and that's pathetic isnt it.

Oh love, he really does sound like a dick. A person who cares about you would never put you in that situation. It's a good thing he is out of your life

I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend

I don't know if you can fix this, having been the victim of a financially abusive XH myself, if a future partner had the outburst you did towards me, citing spending my own money as inconsiderate because he couldn't afford to buy his child new things, I would consider that emotional manipulation, possibly attempting to guilt me into sustaining him and his dc too, and be gone for good. Once you've really suffered from an action in the past and finally broke free, it is acutely on your radar to watch out for in the future.
It sounds like he got that fear and so ended your rship in the name of self preservation.
As you've only been together a short time, your DD and her needs are not his obligation to fulfil- even less to be guilt tripped over, so that is probably where his "You're only with me for money" comment stemmed from.

If you do want to try and fix this rship, I think maybe your best course of action would be to write to him, not a text, not a meeting where tensions can rise and the meaning of words get lost. Explain to him that your outburst stems from your own situation with your DC and recent sad events, and you know it is not his responsiblity to sustain you financially, or to be guilt tripped over spending his own wage on himself.

Sorry you're going through this.

I'm a single mum, although my ex is a dick. He ALWAYS always asked if I had enough money and if I ever needed anything.

He even offered to take me on a shopping trip and a holiday as he knew I wouldn't be able to afford it myself.

I know how you feel, it's hard being with someone who earns enough to waste it on pointless expensive clothes, yet you are sat there struggling to even pay your bills

Work on friendships, meeting people and enjoying your daughter. He should have supported you, I lost a friend a few years ago and was devastated, it can hit surprisingly hard. Huge hug.

I really really hope for your sake that this 'problem' is unviable. You deserve much better than this.

It was the anniversary of my friend's death this week, and 2 years since I mc. No friends either but if my dh wasn't being supportive he would be out the door.
Don't settle for a twat. You are worth a lot more.
We are all here for you op.

I think you've had a lucky escape actually.

He I presumably knows that you lost your best friend last month, and that you're having a tough time right now and are not coping. And he's prancing around saying that he's going to buy some designer clothes, what did he want? A round of applause?

He should be offering sympathy and he should be there emotionally. He says that his past relationship had financial abuse which probably explains why he said he was going to treat himself because he can. But it's called tact.

If you want to try and salvage the relationship, you need to have a deep, explicit conversation about money. And you need to explain why you blew up. It probably wasn't about money at all but about your loss.

As a pp said, write it in a letter and explain everything.

Also contact somewhere like cruse bereavement to talk about your loss. I hope things get better.

Don't be with somebody that doesn't treat you well just so you're not on your own.

I've been in good relationships and this doesn't sound good. If he knows you're totally skint then showing off about money is plain unkind. On top of that your best friend has just died and he's not trying to comfort you.

Don't want to joke about your problems, but seriously if you aren't a gold digger then what precisely are you getting out of this relationship? You aren't out of line. He is. Rude and unkind. I'd dump him.

I don't think you were emotional manipulating him.

You told him why you were impacted, you were vulnerable (saying you felt like a failure) and he could have expressed empathy but instead he made it about how he was hurt.

Honestly you can't be with someone who isn't capable of empathy or compassion.

I had early warning signs with ex and rationalised them but it was a big mistake as kindness when someone is vulnerable is essential.
Doesn't surprise me he has an ex who he also blames.

Btw, how old is your baby? To not even ask if you are ok and need anything urgently is pretty telling.

He's an arsehole
He's not obliged to support you financially but if he knows you're stressed about money why the fuck was he wanging on about buying expensive designer gear?
You're stressed and grieving and he's been a callous twat.

so you're struggling to feed yourself and the baby.... and he's off out treating himself to designer clothes...

get him to FUCK... and get onto CMS

How do you know it was financial abuse with his ex? Maybe he's just a tight arse.

You don't need to fix this, you're well rid of someone who after a year together can think you're after his money.

You scared him off. If you want to rekindle the relationship then I'd apologise, give him a few days and try to contact him again.
You have a lot going on and whilst it's not an excuse you seem overly stressed.
Maybe see if you can make some friends rather than having a relationship. Friends are much better for getting you through the rough times than a short-term relationship.

I'm assuming he isn't the father of your child??

I didn’t see OP say he’s the father of her baby gemini.

Re the lack of friends, try Gingerbread. It's a support group for single parents. They organise trips, picnics etc.

I've apologised for what i said and tried to explain that it was about me and what's going on in my life and not about him and that sometimes people make mistakes and take stuff out on the wrong people. He just said its a massive red flag for him and how can he believe what i said after whay his ex was like. Apparently she used to take his bank card off him and would even make him take her to get petrol for his car so she knew exactly what he was spending and things. I just keep flitting between devastated and angry that he could think that little of me and angry at myself for fucking up yet another thing in my life. I fuck everything up. Baby is 2 to those who asked.

Please, please don't blame yourself. I've read everything you said and it's him that's the money grubbing mean boy. He's unkind to you. He's rude to you. And he's a tight bastard. You deserve better. Hell, anyone deserves better.

I didn’t see OP say he’s the father of her baby gemini

I didn't see OP say he wasn't the father of her baby either... yet

If he’s that affected by his past relationship then is he ready to be with you in a completely new relationship with a different dynamic? Sounds a bit iffy. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much on a couple of fronts. If he’s adamant it’s over then there isn’t anything you can do. Do you get child support from your baby’s dad? I guess your partner has no obligation to support you and your child, it’s still a shortish relationship and you don’t say you live together so you’re effectively separate agents. But when DH and I were starting out and I was very skint he was always contributing to things for our life together and my little flat. He’d put money on my electricity card, buy groceries, things like that as he wanted my life to be easier with him in it.

Baby is two. She’s been with DP a year.