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Original poster

He paid her off

88 replies

foolinlove · 30/06/2018 18:47

I discussed my WH's affair six months ago. I stayed for the DC and he assured me he ended it with the other woman on D-day. Now I have discovered that he paid her off a six figure sum. I can't trust him. Is leaving the only option?

OP posts:
trojanpony · 01/07/2018 10:51

What the fuck? This is insane.
This would be terrible if you were multimillionaires let alone in your actual situation.

kick him out and get a divorce!

The hills are that way —> —> —>

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 01/07/2018 10:52

The more you post the worse he sounds, he paid her a six figure sum to stop her telling you the full extent of the affair even though he can't actually afford it? Surely you're wondering just how bad it is Hmm
He'd be long gone if I were you.

Popchyk · 01/07/2018 10:53

OP, did he say why he put the family into debt in order to give this woman such a large amount of money? And why he didn't tell you about it when you already knew about the affair?

Are you sure he is telling the truth about giving her this money? He may have used the money for another purpose (gambling, addiction, whatever). And again, he may have transferred it to her and will transfer it back to himself when he has divorced you. Look at his credit card and bank statements and see where the money has been transferred to exactly.

And yes of course I would leave him. A cheater who leaves his family penniless in order to gift a huge sum to the woman he had an affair with? Didn't even discuss it with you. How can you ever get over that? He just does exactly what he wants no matter what effect it has on you and the children.

Alfiemoon1 · 01/07/2018 10:55

Wow u need to kick him out. I believe to move on from an affair the cheater needs to disclose everything and be totally honest. He’s not being plus he’s used family money and got your family into debt to trying to cover it up
Please see a solicitor and divorce him

Original poster
foolinlove · 01/07/2018 10:56

Thank you all. He can afford it - he is on £££££ but paid her off this way so he wasn't drawing down on joint assets. I'm devastated.

OP posts:
Janus · 01/07/2018 10:57

I’d sit him down and tell him to tell you the full extent so she has nothing more over him and can’t ask him to pay her again. BUT I’d actually be doing this so I could get all the information and then decide what to do with it, stay or go. Sounds like she’s had your bloody divorce settlement though.

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/07/2018 10:58

He feels bad he broke HER heart. So he gives her a shit load of family money and gets into debt.

What about YOUR heart? How does he feel about breaking that? And give away money that is jointly yours? Is that supposed to help fix your broken heart?

No one gives away SIX figures as a sorry gift!! No matter how bad they feel!

There's way more to this than him feeling bad. Seeing as you already know about her, there must be something even worse he is trying to hide! It must be bloody huge to be worth SIX figures!

Don't trust a word that comes out of his mouth. Time to do some digging. And make sure you're getting your financial ducks in a row for when the shit hits the fan.

BarneyAche · 01/07/2018 11:01

OP- this is not normal behaviour.
It sound like he’s hiding more than the “extent” of an affair which you already know about.
If he’s going in to debt to cover something up - there’s more than an affair. Whatever the reason, he’s either being blackmailed- call the police or possibly shifting money to her so he can leave.

I really feel for you- copy those statements and find youself some space to work out exactly what’s going on. Do you have anyone you can talk to in rl? Flowers

Newerversion · 01/07/2018 11:04

Because of course everybody knows that money heals a broken heart! The man is a liar and is running scared that some mega lie will come out.

SandyY2K · 01/07/2018 11:13

She blackmailed him? That's a criminal offence.

It sounds like you still don't know the full extent of the affair.

I'd end it...because there's no trust. I imagine he bsdmouthed you to her and made lots of promises...and it went on longer than you know.

He's still hiding a lot.

Tell him you want the whole truth...the things he was afraid she'd tell you ...or it's over.

He's not remorseful while he feels bad for breaking her heart.

He's still invested in her.

YourHobbitness · 01/07/2018 11:17

Eh, what do you get for your broken heart?!

There’s way more to this. I’d bet six figures on it!

SandyY2K · 01/07/2018 11:18

I also think there's more. Much more.

Newerversion · 01/07/2018 11:21

I wondered if a pregnancy might be involved?

Yokatsu · 01/07/2018 11:21

So by running up the debt on credits cards and loans, and unless you can conclusively prove where that's money's gone, hes left you to pay half his mistresses costs. Smart guy.HmmAngry

Before you do anything or not do anything, take a moment to fully appreciate the extent to which he has screwed you over. Hes really stuffed you up good and proper financially, sexually and emotionally. This is a man whose concern for you is nothing.

What ever you do next be aware he has got away with it so there is absolutely no disincentive to do it again. Look at what you have now, emotionally and physically, however long your interactions continue with this man you will have less.

pinkyredrose · 01/07/2018 11:50

He's still lying to you

Alfiemoon1 · 01/07/2018 13:47

You already know about the affair so what has he paid her a 6 figure amount to keep quiet over

BlokeHereInPeace · 01/07/2018 14:26

Fucking hell. That's outrageous. Seriously. Blimey.

xxconfusedxx · 01/07/2018 14:33

Oh OP this this is terrible, there must be much more going on than you know - I really feel for you!

BrownTurkey · 01/07/2018 14:36

Take that evidence to a shit hot lawyer now.

Yummy274 · 01/07/2018 14:36

What I would be more worried about was why he had to pay her so much to shut her mouth. What was so bad that she knew that he couldn’t risk you finding out? Wouldn’t surprise me if she had hardcore evidence, or he could have argued her grudge is making her talk if it was just slander. You already know about the affair so what could have been worse then that. Plotting to kill you for insurance?? Having children hidden somewhere?? It had to be something worth the 6 figures!!

pinkbraces · 01/07/2018 14:40

Well, you can choose to stay with a cheating, deceiving prick or you can leave. I really dont think the decision is a difficult one.

swingofthings · 01/07/2018 14:44

He paid her off so not to tell you but you then found out anyway?

Or he gave her the money because he thinks you are with him just for his money and to spite you, he gave to her so you wouldn't have it if you ask for a divorce?

Mmmm, sounds like he is waiting for you to do so, and then he'll run back to her.... and his £1M. That's serious calculating practice. Not sure how it would stand in court!!

boomerang1 · 01/07/2018 14:50

Sorry op but I feel that he is hiding something huge to need to pay her so much to keep her mouth closed. You know about the affair what good is the money now?
No one and I mean no one would pay someone that much because they felt guilty about breaking her heart, it's not believable.

Just for comparison my sil was the ow (grrrrrr i so hate this of her) the fella was a millionaire businessman, she threatened to tell his wife, he was pleading with her but never offered her six figures despite saying he loved sil very much.
If I was you I would leave before your world comes crashing down even further

Gemini69 · 01/07/2018 17:30

the OW has something substantial on your DH..... Flowers

clumsyduck · 01/07/2018 18:28

Leave. Like fuck he'd pay her 100,000+ for "breaking her heart" you know he had an affair so in terms of details that would make it worse I doubt they'd be worth that kind of money

Agree with either a pregnancy or some serious shit !