I think he has a child but denies it

[Nanny67]

I found photos on his laptop of a baby and when I looked on the mums Instagram account (I know his exes name) the child is now 6 and is the spitting image of him. Around 6 months ago we were watching s programme about childbirth and he went into a rant about how the dad always feels left out. I asked him if ex had his child but he denies it. Would you contact the ex and ask her or does that come across as a bit crazy?i don't have a problem if it's his child as I have 2 but it's the lies that I wouldn't be able to get past.

You do not deserve this OP.
You are worth more than this.
The child is a red herring. It’s irrelevant.
Engage your safety plan, and leave him.
It’s bloody hard, I know, I left my ex due to DV when my son was 6 months old. It’s hard but it can be done and you can do it, you are strong, you have so much support around you, you deserve more than this, your children deserve more than this.

You have more things To worry about than a child he doesn't acknowledge. Presume he won't be allowed to see the child - is that why he's known to the police ?

You cannot stay just to 'placate him'. You need help and advice to make the break.

@Nanny67

Ok that explains things better. Are you 2 living together?
What is stopping you from leaving?
What do you need to be able to leave?

its easier to stay in this relationship because I can placate him. Ending it will make him angry

Can't believe I'm reading this.

Could you tell him you've got some problems with a really I'll relative and you...or that you've been I'll yourself and feel unable to give him any time/attention as he deserves, so you think it's best to end it so he can find someone else.

Spin it round and convince him he's better off without you.

Damn autocorrect......
.should be really ill or that you're ill

Please take the advice given on here OP, he won't ever change and deep down you know it too..

If he's violent will he not get angry with you contacting his ex?

If your not going to leave him, maybe just leave it. I would hate to think you ask her and she mentions something to him. Alternatively if it turns out that he did have a child with her and the child died you could be opening up very raw wounds.

Good luck op with whatever you decide to do. Hopefully you have the opportunity to leave him one day.

You need to leave this man and you know it. Perhaps he denies the child is his because he isn't allowed contact.

Please accept the help offered, do the freedom programme and contact women's refuge and get out of there.

I've deleted and blocked him late last night. I've phoned 101 to advise them as suggested by my DV advisor. I'm done.

Great news, well done, Nanny67. I hope he leaves you alone and you're OK.

Nanny67 so happy to hear this. You'll be much better off without this jerk hanging around. Keep posting.

Well done OP. Be strong. This is the best decision you will ever make.

Brilliant news OP...you CAN do this!

He's messaged my daughter (she's 24) on Fb to say he's worried and can she confirm I'm ok! I've told her to ignore? My IDVA is in a meeting until 11, I don't know whether to tell the police?

Yes, tell the police.

Yes, tell the police he is contacting your daughter.

I'm so glad to read that you've got the courage to stop this.

Tell the police. Get support. Stay the fuck away from this abusive asshole.

You can do this. Please stay away from him.

Were you trying to work out of the child is his, to see has he lied to you, just in case he isn’t quite that bad, and no one understands him like you do, etc?

I hope you get out safely and stay out

OP if you contact the national centre for domestic violence, they will help you to get a non molestation order. Good luck

ITCHYKNEES yes exactly that

Thank you MOOEY

Please please get in touch with the police. I’m really worried you wont be safe once he realises you’re serious about it being over. I’ve been in your shoes, you need police back up x

Oh dear.

I'm sure you're a wonderful person and a devoted mother, but you have to see that when everyone around you is telling you something loud and clear, they are probably right.

If you hear the sound of hooves, look for horses, not zebras.

Are you serious about ending it? How did it start?

Well done on this latest step, there is no excuse for going back to an abuser, kids can’t trust or forgive a parent who put cock before them.

ITCHY it's over. Blocked and deleted. Police came earlier after I rang 101.