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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

just found out dh has slept with someone else

67 replies

newnails · 24/05/2007 19:17

thats it really, never thought i would be posting this!!! what a mug i am, i used to read things on this and be all smug because i never thought this would ever happen to me.

it was "only" a drunken one night thing, like that makes it any better.

i have been to the video shop where she works and have half killed her and possibly ruined half the shop (not like me at all btw)

what do i do now??? can anyone tell me!!!

we are supposed to be going out with friends tomorrow night and its all i can think about for some strange reason. i think i should be screaming and crying but all im worried about is what my friends will say if i call of.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 24/05/2007 19:18

What do you want to happen with DH?

Do you have children?

Original poster
newnails · 24/05/2007 19:20

2 dc, 1 ds(5), 1dd(2)

OP posts:
Bubble99 · 24/05/2007 19:21

I'm so sorry to hear this, newnails.

As hunker has asked, do you have children?

KerryMum · 24/05/2007 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bubble99 · 24/05/2007 19:22

Call it off. Stay home and talk this through.

I can't imagine that you would be able to 'brave face' it for a whole evening, anyway?

Walnutshell · 24/05/2007 19:23

Is DH in the house with you?

Original poster
newnails · 24/05/2007 19:23

im shaking with anger, every so often my heart skips a beat and i think im going to cry but then the anger takes over again.

OP posts:
hayes · 24/05/2007 19:24

agree get the initial shock and anger from your system then you will be able to think clearly.

Has it happened just recently or are you only just finding out about it now?

Is your dh in the house with you?

FioFio · 24/05/2007 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bubble99 · 24/05/2007 19:24

How did you find out?

KerryMum · 24/05/2007 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
newnails · 24/05/2007 19:25

i have thrown him out, i cant move on from this i just know that i cant. he has thrown everything away, ruined the rest of our lives and our dc's all for the sake of a drunken fumble.

OP posts:
Hopeitwontbebig · 24/05/2007 19:26

Oh newnails, you poor thing. You must be in complete and utter shock. Don't go tomorrow if you can't face it.

Was your DH dismissive about the whole thing saying 'it was a drunken....'

Where are the kids, are they ok?

melminx · 24/05/2007 19:27

newnails really feel for you been there. i dont know what to say i wish i did.I dcall off the evening and sort myself out. xx

Scootergrrrl · 24/05/2007 19:28

You're well within your rights to be furious. I hope you're ok x

melminx · 24/05/2007 19:28

are you on your own? do you have friends taht could come sit with you?

Original poster
newnails · 24/05/2007 19:28

bitch told a friend who also told a friend. that 2nd friend happened to be my best friends sil (if you follow) she told my best friend who knew that she had to tell me, part of me is glad she did the other part thinks ignorance is bliss, no actually i dont think i mean that.

to start with i thought it was all a lie or names had been mixed up, how could he do this to me??

he says he cant remember what happened he was so drunk that everything is a blur, im in total shock i never ever thought he could hurt me like this.

OP posts:
FioFio · 24/05/2007 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
newnails · 24/05/2007 19:30

kids are here with me, dont have family close and am in to much shock to get anyone else involved, best friend has told me to call if i need anything but im not sure if i can face her, i actually feel really angry with her as well for some reason, i know i shouldnt

OP posts:
KaySamuels · 24/05/2007 19:31

That is a terrbile way to find out newnails, I hope you gave him hell too. on your behalf, really feel for you. I agree you can't do anything til you have absorbed it all and worked through your feelings.

Hopeitwontbebig · 24/05/2007 19:33

You must be hurting so much right now. Where has DH gone? Do you know?

Did DH go out much on his own then?

Hopeitwontbebig · 24/05/2007 19:34

FWIW I think you're friend was brave for telling you. I'd hate to be in that position.

scootermum · 24/05/2007 19:34

Im so for you..Does he say he wants to stay with you?Or can you not even listen to him at the moment? (I wouldnt even be able to look at him I dont think, for some days..)

LilyLoo · 24/05/2007 19:35

Sorry for you Newnails what a terrible way to find out. The anger is understandable. Don't go tommorrow i did after something similair and a few glasses of wine later things were said i wish i hadn't.
Give your self time and space to come to terms with this first as you will need to sit down with dh and talk this through.
Whebn the anger subsides you obviously have a lot to talk about.

Original poster
newnails · 24/05/2007 19:36

he has only ever been out a couple of times on his own, he always says he prefers us to go out as a couple, what a joke. im not sure what to think, he was so weird when i confronted him, he looked terrified that i had found out but it really did look like he might not have any idea about what had happened, or that could just be me not wanting to face the worst. he will be sitting in his van somewhere most of our friends and more my friends so i dont think he would go to them.

OP posts:
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