To report or not?

[babycc29x]

My ex of 2 weeks domestically abused me twice. The first time got reported. He left me with a permanent scar. 2nd time he punched kicked me and choked me. Then raped me. I’m literally crying myself to sleep every night. The 2nd time happened 5 months ago I went to hospital as I thought there was damage to my ribs and back. I was given a number to phone to get a swab done for the rape but it rang out and I gave up.
I’m scared Incase he does this to someone else. I’m scared he will kill someone. Prob not the best thing I’ve done but I watched a programme of domestic abuse and everything in this programme he done 😭 he manipulated me, cheated on me, blamed me for everything, even made me get an abortion. He made me lie through my teeth to police to change my statement for him to get a lesser sentence.

Please make an appointment to speak to your GP asap. Or call The Samaritans for free on 116 123.

Please talk to someone. You are not alone and you will get through this.

I’ve tried to talk to rape crisis and woman’s aid they were concerned about the time on the phone I’ve came off the phone feeling worse than ever. Just feel like the police down south r doing nothing he’s been released. He denied any wrong doing!

Do you have any threatening messages from him/pictures of bruises etc that you could use as evidence?

I know it's hell right now but please trust us that it will get better. Please hold on for your little one xxx

Yes the first time he got reported 20 minutes after it happened
The 2nd time I went to the hospital told them everything even took pictures of bruises and marks and they should have reported it regardless but never did. It’s on my medical record. I have photographs I took as well I passed on.
When he raped me I went straight to the police

There should be enough evidence there to convict him!
Have you been to your GP yet? Xxx

I kept the photographs in an old phone some text messages. Every time we got back together he made me change my number, delete messages and reset my phone, so I lost everything. I’m hoping my friend still has the messages from the 2nd he beat and raped me. The ones I sent her after the ordeal. I’ve been told they r downloading things off phones but don’t have my phone. My numbers been changed that many times I don’t know what they can do.

I’ve just got so angry today went out shopping with my dad and my little one thought il be ok I have a big burly man and a little princess to protect me!! Nope one shop about 8 people in it and my dad saw me turn chalk white I went down a quiet aisle and tried to breath calmly like giving labour. Little princess is shouting cmon mummy listen it’s our favourite song let’s dance!! My dads standing holding my hand and telling me no one can harm me!! As soon as I left I started crying and saying dad how long is this going to last I hate this?!
“Wel take it day by day, let’s go into this shop I want nothing more than to see you better if it takes weeks or months I don’t care wel get through it together!! Your not alone! Don’t bottle up please!! Get back to the gym, meet up with the girls, take the little one to the park or to the softplay! Do this for you and her!! Don’t let him win!!”

I keep crying thinking he’s getting away with this. He keeps telling me not to worry I can only do what I’ve done.

I’ve got so angry I’ve done what I said I wouldn’t do post a long ass post on Facebook not mentioning what I’ve recently reported him for. I must admit it has made me feel a whole lot better!

Your dad sounds amazing! He's right. It may take weeks or months but you can't let him win.
I'm sorry that you're having anxiety attacks! I know they feel awful when you're having one.
I was taught to breathe in for 7 counts and out for 11. It stops you from hyperventilating. Try it if you have another one.

Would it be worth calling the police that are dealing with the situation and asking what they're planning on doing?
Speak to a solicitor and ask advice on what steps to take.
The more legal advice you get, the better the outcome.

Sending you big hugs!! Xxxx

Aw your Dad sounds lovely. Yes, just take your time, take baby steps and it doesn't matter how long it takes. You've got the spirit to overcome this. He will not win.

Big hugs from me too!

I’m not lying when I say this I phoned the police dealing with it 4 times on Tuesday and still waiting on a call back 😔!! It’s like they don’t care! I’m sitting in limbo.

Because he stays outside my area and jurisdiction it’s his police that are dealing with it so I don’t know weather to contact my police and ask cause they have been fantastic.

Yes, give them a call. The worst that can happen is they say they don't know xx

I phoned and they said they don’t know anything they are passing paperwork and being the middle man. I got my old number restored to get old messages saved on what’s app and said I can send these over. I don’t want him to get away with this

I'm really proud of you!

You're doing so well and when this is all over, you'll be able to look forward with such relief and joy! Your dd has one amazing mum xxxx

Thank you!!

The panic attack’s have took over my life !! I went to the doctors last week and they want me to see a psychiatrist as it has affected me too much and im refusing to take medication. I’m scared Incase I leave my little one without a mum.

My family have been fantastic. Still no update.

I spoke to a counsellor today and explained about the panic attack’s cause I’ve never felt this weak I’ve always been a strong person. Strong minded And don’t take shit. But he has done something that has made me weaker than ever. I explained it’s the fear of the unknown.

I was sick of feeling like this. And thought it can take over my whole life I could end up a hermit or I can fight this. I got up... out... went to the shops
first panic attack in the bank - I could have cried but I stood there and made sure i waited even though there was about 15 people waiting and about 20 kids running about. I kept thinking breath just breath hold DDs hands while she’s trying to floss!! God help me!! So I thought phone my dad and I just said dad tell me what your doing just talk keep me calm!!

Now to the shops shoe shopping for me and DD. Little panic attack.

Went to see my family gran, niece etc. My gran noticed weight loss straight away and said i look gaunt and said I can see all your bones your never like this what’s happened? N a just said oh I can’t be annoyed eating when it’s this warm. I’ve always been toned cause I like weight lifting.

Came back to my dads and saw in the mirror my rib cage, collar bone, hip bones, just skin and bone with a fat arse!! actually sobbed my heart out last time I was this skinny I was 16!! How could I let him do this?!! Put my big girl pants on and thought FUCK THIS!! Asked my dad to watch DD and fucked off to a new gym, no panic attacks!! My new safe haven actually so pleased! Came to my dads to a big plate of chilli and ate the lot First meal in weeks

You are incredible!! Go you!

Massive well done for using tools to keep yourself calm when you were feeling panicked. Well done for calling your dad.

You have so got this! You can only go up from here sweetie and we are all rooting for you xxxx

Brilliant news about the gym. And a full meal!!! You're getting there. Fucking fantastic. Well done you!

Oh My God! So happy I could cry!! Finally got an update off the police. Had to go sign evidence, photographs, messages etc.

Police where I am are fantastic where he is however is another story... absolutely disgusted with them. 3 weeks to get this. About 20 questions got sent I sat answered them all.

Are you scared? Why? Are you sucidal? Why? Will he contact you? Has he done this before? Describe him hobbies etc, did he isolate you? Did he control you in anyway? Can you tell me how you feel?

The police up here said he got jailed and released his house was treated as a crime scene. Forensics are back and they have his dna everywhere and mine in the house.

They told me not to worry about a thing. I feel 100 times better. I explained that I have this fear I don’t know if he will show up, he can show at any point! They said phone the police if u even think it’s him your and ur DD is more important now. I asked will I hear anything else and they said yes from us and the other police. I wish I didn’t have to deal
With the other police as useful as a chocolate teapot.

Woooo!!! So glad that things are finally moving forward for you 😊😊😊

Thank you

Lately I’ve felt I’ve took massive steps forward, my panic attacks stopped over the past few days, back to the gym feeling so happy and content. Still not back in my house that was my next step but I’m looking to move.

Then last night - had a nightmare he was in my house I woke up panicking really bad and reduced to tears. I refused to leave the house 😭!! Told my dad and he went it’s a dream, don’t let it bring u back down, he can’t touch u!
I can’t control my dreams or panic attacks so I feel like I’ve took 10 steps back 😭!!

Then tonight i got off my arse and down to my house for the Mail, a parcel came, a box of my shit I left down his, mostly make up. (Expensive make up) about 15 bottles of foundation, 8 pallets, and odd thing or 2! Not one thing broke but He actually opened a bottle of Mac studio fix and pour it over everything. This shows the mentality of this person!! I sat there and thought seriously this is a grown ass man doing this thinking it would annoy me, I’m not letting him get to me or entertain it!!

You'll still have some bad days but gradually you'll have more positive than negative! It sounds like you're doing really well.
I'm so happy for you and really proud of you.

I'm really pleased that you held on during those dark days. You're doing so well and you're showing the world how strong you really are!

How childish is he!! Well done for ignoring it!

Is it normally for the police down south to JUST start investigating. A month later!! I’m contemplating getting a solicitor now. I’m really pissed off as there’s no bail condition or anything.

Definitely get a solicitor! I'm not sure what's normal or not but they will be able to get things moving.

Wow, you should feel hugely proud of yourself! Look how well you’re doing and how far you have come on the road to recovery and safety.
Instead of being free to batter and rape you, this shit of a man is reduced to messing up the inside of a make up parcel - that’s the only feeble weapon he has left in his spiteful little arsenal.
And who achieved this amazing improvement? You did!
You’ve taken back control of your life, you’ve got your family, the police, your GP, counsellor, Women’s Aid and the whole of Mumsnet on your side, fighting for you and supporting you.
Feel your power, OP! You are awesome. And every day you will be a bit stronger and a bit more healed and a bit more ready to have a happy future. God bless.

I’ve spoke to assist the folk that pass information to the procurator fiscal to be told “it may not go to court! English courts are different” WTF?!!!!! Seriously!!

She explained he has a supervision order on him which meant the court thought it was appropraite for him to seek help and find out why he attacked me the first time! It’s bloody crazy I can’t believe this.

I’ve found more messages ones me
Pulling him up for sending naked pictures of me to friends. And him admitting it.

I’m going to town with this I’m not leaving any stone unturned!! Even told the police he told me - him and his brothers ex would have a rape fantasy and do it in a local park!! Totally sick I know people have fantasy’s but this is the worlds worst

Good on you! Don't let the rat get away with any of it!

I actually can't believe that the authorities are even considering letting him get away with this!