What's wrong with my husband?

[Immigrantsong]

My husband of 18 years has always had issues with his memory. But since we had our children, DD 5 and DS 8 months his memory issues have become a massive issue. Today for example he has forgotten for yet another time to leave the pushchair out for me so I can walk to school and pick up my eldest. I have serious health issues and the baby is a horrendous sleeper, so I sleep in with him in the morning, whilst he gets our eldest ready for school. We had friends from school help out before, but today I said he needs to go and pick her up himself. I walk almost two hours to school and back as I have mobility issues and this walk acts as a conditioning treatment, but o also had to miss a very important health appointment because of the lack of pushchair. He keeps doing things like that and insists he will improve but nothing has happened. He has had blood tests and gone to therapy but nothing. As a non driver with health issues, I am really struggling to find the empathy for whatever he is going through. I am resentful and angry. Any advice?

Maybe there is more but I think assuming it's passive aggressive rather than just overwhelmed is a bit of a jump - she he is sympathetic but doesn't "get it". He must "get it" to some extent seeing as he takes one child to school to ensure she has a bit of a lie in - not saying that makes him superman but it's a practical and sensible contribution.

He gets our eldest up and dressed and he does her bath and bedtime routine every night. He occasionally does the baby's too, but he does struggle with both so I try to have baby bathed and fed by the time he comes home. He just placed his first ever online supermarket shop this weekend after showing him how to do it 4 times and I had to reshow him how to cut our daughter's nails as he wasn't doing it properly and they were gnarly. He wants to learn all these things but finds them very difficult in comparison to work where he is a high flyer. But I want to believe he is just goofy rather than malicious. I don't know anymore. I was under suicide watch a month ago and he never asked me how I am or how I feel. I was expecting him to put measures in place and come up with some ideas to support me and implement them but nothing. He acts as if it didn't happen.

His family are the same as him. Very unorganized unless it's work and completely oblivious. He grew up quite privileged and had cleaners and cooks so I think it has been a shock to him. On top of that they don't deal well at all with illness. They have yet to acknowledge I am disabled and riddled with health issues and I think he is the same. Not sure as to why, fear maybe? I am at a loss.

Salted liquorice the school is about a mile away, but it takes me an hour to walk there and an hour back due to my mobility issues and of course because I am pushing the pushchair. But I need to do it as I don't want to end up back on a wheelchair due to not being conditioned. This is my only exercise. It's also an excellent school and our first choice. My Dad will be going to a childminder once I am back to work, so this isn't a long term thing. In fact I have only been able to do the pick up for the last two terms as I was bedridden before that.

have you deliberately chosen to make life harder by not having your DC in a school within catchment/walking distance? somehow salted I think even if you had read the whole thread you would still be spouting this poor men cannot cope with a penis, a job AND a pushchair crap.

Sorry OP I didn’t realise the extent of your health issues. It must be very difficult for you both.
I would seriously look at investing in, picking up a second push chair just to make your lives easier.
Maybe a night out or a lunch away from the house and DC on a night or weekend and just the two of you talking and enjoying each other’s company might help.

You know what- both your lives sound really quite hard at the moment. You are disabled and have had recent mental health problems. He's working f/t, with an 8 month old in the house, and doing morning and evenings with one child (ok not with both but he's not sitting on his arse). Really, forgetting the pushchair in this situation is entirely normal, and so is feeling competitively tired and overwhelmed in the year after another baby.

I don't think assuming he's crap and deliberately sabotaging you is helping you AT ALL, and given the situation you are in, him doing mornings and evenings with the older one, and you with the baby actually seems like a decent division of labour. I think it would be a lot to add onto him the mental load of running the household as well. I do it as I have to work f/t and care and look after the household, and I am completely overwhelmed at times, and certainly do forget things like pushchairs, dates, meetings and so on.

I think this thread is whipping you up a bit to see him as a villain. I don't think this is at all helpful as you need support, not a villain, when you are in a difficult situation and I think not acknowledging he is also finding it difficult (as I do with a partner with difficulties, however much it isn't their fault) is quite wrong in this case.