Disrespectful mother in law

[eirrah]

My fiancé’s mum is overbearing and so interfering. She has been told that she won’t have any involvement in helping plan our wedding as it’s a small wedding abroad and I have my two best friends helping me.

My mum died when I was 19.

I have discovered MIL has a Pinterest board set up for our wedding full of wedding vows, flowers and ideas for mother of the bride. I am so so upset by this but my partner says we should just forget about it. I want to ask her to delete it but I reckon she will have some lame excuse anyway.

Background - we used to get on but I’ve got to discover her a bit better and don’t like her. She had my boyfriend paying her bills and taking money off him without paying it back. Since he met me this has all changed and she doesn’t really like that I’ve put a stop to it all and we don’t talk much anymore. I don’t know why she would assume she could plan my wedding anyway when we don’t talk hardly but obviously I’m really hurt by this.

What would you do?

**20 years

You sound like one of those So is that will go to extreme lengths to make your mum out to be a twat.

I don't believe for a minute that your fiance and his dad agree with you about the Pinterest board. Either fil is delighting in you not liking MIL or he was that baffled by the whole thing, he just agreed to be polite.

You have no control over anyone's social media. Get over it.

You also had no right to 'put a stop' to anything. Fair enough talking to your fiance about money and supporting them changing the situation. But if anyone told me they were 'putting a stop' to something, they would be told to fuck off.

Hope my kids don't end up with horrible controlling spouses like you.

You sound like you're being horrible OP. Think about the fact that one day you might be the mother in law feeling left out of your own son's wedding. How awful

How is that disrespectful? She's just excited! Which frankly is a miracle seeing as her son is marrying such a horrible ass hat!

I think you need to remember that he's her son first and your boyfriend second.

You sound very unkind and whilst I appreciate planning a wedding without your own mum must be really hard, you would do well to remember that his mum will have been thinking about her son getting married for many, many years.

Ten years ago she would have been cutting pictures out an putting them in a file and you'd have been none the wiser. Let her get on with it. Block her on Pinterest if it helps or unfollow her or whatever it is you do on Pinterest.
She might not be your best friend but she's his mum and you come across as interfering and a bit nasty.
If you must get married, elope.

I really hope my sons don’t end up with a loon of a bride like this!

I agree, you sound the controlling one here and I feel sorry for your partner and his mother. How rude and cruel to tell your mil that she wont have any involvement in your wedding, as others have said she is the mother of the groom. You need to take a serious look at yourself and develop some kindness and thoughtfulness to other peoples feelings.

As a mother of boys I hope they never meet a horrible person like you!!!

Unless there is a massive backstory as to why she is overbearing and interfereing she doesn’t appear to have done anything wrong.

Your telling her she has to have to part in helping to arrange your wedding so it’s no wonder she won’t discuss anything with you. It’s a Pinterest board FFS. Her CHILD is getting married, the poor woman is probably so excited and YOU bridezilla are not involving her. How horrible can you get!!!!

I seriously wish you sons my love and here’s hoping they never meet someone like you.

Oh and it’s none of your fucking business if your boyfriend decides to help his mum out, it’s not your money, it was his money.

Gosh you do sound like hard work. She's hardly planning your wedding by having a Pinterest board. You can't possibly be so controlling as to want to ask her to delete it?

And this whole thing about stopping your partner helping her and opening his eyes. It's all fairly unpleasant behaviour from you.

Are you sure you're not jealous of her? What you're posting makes for discomfiting Reading.

My fiancé’s mum is overbearing and so interfering

It really does sound like this poor bastard is marrying someone just like his mother.

You sound quite mean. I feel sad for your future MIL that she's totally excluded from her child's wedding plans and has a secret board (that she hasn't tried to make you look at or bring to your attention).

I understand how hard it is to get married without your mother there, I do, but if either of my daughters behaved as you are doing, I would be really ashamed of her.

I'm guessing this hasn't gone the way the OP expected

I'm very sorry you lost your own mum so young, OP. That is the bit that sticks out for me. If I may be an armchair psychologist for a minute, from having psychotherapy myself, it appears to me that you're handing on the pain you were given. It's very common. Having been 'abandoned' by your own mum when she died (of course she didn't want to leave you, but on a primal level that is how it can feel) you don't seem equipped for how to deal with a mother figure in your adult life. After all, you've never really had that. So to avoid the pain of another abandonment, ie you future MiL dying and leaving you like your own mother did, you are pushing her away before you've even started. I've felt it myself, my mother effectively abandonded me (no contact for decades now) and I found it quite hard to accept love and kindness from my would-be MiL (not married, but might as well be). A maternal touch or word from her made me think 'is this what a normal, adult relationship is like with a mother figure?' because I had no idea what normal looked and felt like. Please try to let her into your life a bit more, she doesn't have to run the show and it sounds like you can stand up for yourself. Maybe get some therapy, if you haven't already, to explore those feelings of grief and what it means now in your relationships. I have a lovely relationship with my 'MiL', you could too if you work on it. I do hope she is at least invited to the wedding, she will be quite hurt if not, this is a one off occasion for her, too. Best of luck and I hope the wedding goes well.

based on what you have written you are overreactIng.

This woman will be in your life a long time - try not to be an ass.

Families are complicated. I give my mum money every month because I earn a lot more than I need and she doesn’t and... she’s my mother if my partner told me I couldn’t I’d tell him to fuck off.

Not letting her be involved at all in your wedding planning is mean spirited

I'm with the consensus here. I'm not a mother of boys, hate weddings and have never asked for received money from my dd, and I still think you are wrong, OP.

I don’t see her as doing anything wrong; it’s typical parent / mum behaviour so far unless you’re going to do a massive dripfeed later. She might have innocently thought as your mum isn’t here then you might have involved her a bit.

Also regarding the finances between your DP & his mum. That is between them. If it doesn’t involve your finances then it’s best to keep out unless of course you want him to interfere in your personal finances too?

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and I truly mean no offence, but it’s possible you don’t know what it’s like to have a mum any more. My DP had a similar situation - after his dad passed away young he couldn’t understand some of the ways my dad would be involved in my life. It took his family to step in and explain things, ie that his dad would have done similar things for him had he lived, before he was able to accept it.

Is the OP not coming back?!

She's not forcing the boards on you with her opinions, she's done it so she can dream but she's not trying to call the shots. Calm the f down

Of course she's not Ocelot. She was expecting 100% validation and an outpouring of sympathy. What she got was the plain unvarnished truth instead. She's probably over on Netmums posting the exact same thing.

i feel sorry for your MIL OP, you sound very controlling. Who tells people what they can put on Pinterest. She is the mother of the groom, looking at clothes a woman might like to wear to their son’s wedding. It doesn’t mean she wants to be the mother of the bride. 🙄 She isn’t being disrespectful to you, but you are being very disrespectful to her.

Don't think the OP is coming back! What is it with this posters that post non-issues like this, expecting everyone to agree with them then the minute they're called out on their bullshit they disappear!

I am in favour of calling out bad behaviour. In this case it's you that needs to give your head a wobble.

How on earth is she being "disrespectful" by having a Pinterest board? She's not ramming the ideas down your throat or trying to take over your wedding, so what difference does it make? Or are you so petty and precious that nobody is allowed to even think about your wedding without OK'ing it with you first?

I feel quite sorry for your MIL, whose only crime appears to be one of having a little Pinterest day dream. Bloody hell, I've got all sorts of bits and bobs on Pinterest; I didn't realise it meant something deep and meaningful.

One can only hope that if you do have a child and it's a son, that their future partner is as dismissive, rude, paranoid and immature as you.