Disrespectful mother in law

[eirrah]

My fiancé’s mum is overbearing and so interfering. She has been told that she won’t have any involvement in helping plan our wedding as it’s a small wedding abroad and I have my two best friends helping me.

My mum died when I was 19.

I have discovered MIL has a Pinterest board set up for our wedding full of wedding vows, flowers and ideas for mother of the bride. I am so so upset by this but my partner says we should just forget about it. I want to ask her to delete it but I reckon she will have some lame excuse anyway.

Background - we used to get on but I’ve got to discover her a bit better and don’t like her. She had my boyfriend paying her bills and taking money off him without paying it back. Since he met me this has all changed and she doesn’t really like that I’ve put a stop to it all and we don’t talk much anymore. I don’t know why she would assume she could plan my wedding anyway when we don’t talk hardly but obviously I’m really hurt by this.

What would you do?

The only way would affect me is if the Pinterest feed from her was cluttering up my own feed. Like finding bouquets that were not my taste peppering my view. Otherwise I’d write it off as a bit pathetic, and nothing to do with me.

You can always unfollow her, or if you want to be goady ask her to change her Mother of the Groom boards to private/locked in her settings.

@skittlesandbeer why should the future MIL have to change her settings? Perhaps the OP just shouldn't follow her on Pinterest 🙄

She is happy and excited that her son is marrying you. How can you not take that as a compliment?
As others have said, you do sound very young, particularly in the sense that you seem to equate her having a collection of pics on social media with her actually trying to interfere in your life.
Look, I feel your pain. My Mum died the year before I got married. Planning my wedding without her was beyond hard. But do you know what? I was happy to include my MIL instead. And since my son was born I choose not to dwell on the fact that one Grannie never met him, and instead to ensure that he and I have the best relationship we possibly can with the Grannie who is still here. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

@Locasta

What the MIL wants to do with the request is her own business. Lock or don’t lock the boards. I didn’t suggest she SHOULD lock them, did I?

Asking her to lock them, for a practical reason, is surely more friendly than straight out unfollowing her? MIL might not even be aware that ‘public’ boards can cause issues.

I think you are being unfair excluding her. Just because your mother isn't present to be included, this doesn't mean you should exclude your fiance' s mother too

This ^

I also feel sorry for your fiance. From what you've posted on here - without even hearing the other side, it is you that is coming over as controlling.

Your boyfriend was contributing financially to support his Mum, and you are proud of stopping him ??

I think your Mum having some ideas what might be nice at the wedding are really not a concern. Your attitude, OTOH......

*We are having a small wedding and she hasn’t discussed it once with me
*
So why did she have to be told that she will have no involvement in helping plan the day?

You/your fiancé just came out and said that to her??

Nice.

And it sounds like she is split from the FIL and you went and gossiped with him about her over nothing. That’s bloody low.

OP, as a Mom of boys (well, men now) I just hope that they never choose to settle down with such a mean spirited bitch as you!

Unbelievably nasty!

Respect is earned, dear. What have you done to earn hers?

Don't hold it in like that AlrightBabby, it's bad for the digestion.

Another MoBs here, albeit with one lovely DiL. A DiL who has earned my respect by treating my son well and by always being welcoming and kind to me.

*Acrossthepond
*
🤣

Op I wish you sons...

With an attitude like yours you'll be a perfect MIL for a DIL to sideline and treat like crap.

Karma!

You sound incredibly cruel and controlling. Your DP deserves a relationship with his DM.

Wow, grow up. You sound like an controling drama queen. Have you never heard the phrase pick your battles?

Mother of the groom is a very exciting life event! Pinterest is a great tool when looking for ideas!

You need to understand the gravity of creating a war with your MiL. It’s huge and will cause great stress on your future marriage if you don’t ease up.

Is she having money troubles? Was it a lot of money?

When I met my partner I was giving my mum a little money each month to make things easier for her. Made a little difference to me but a lot to her. If he had told me I should stop I would have told him where to go!! 18 years later and I still pay that little amount. You sound a bit mean to completely exclude her from everything (unless she has done something awful to you). I think you should let her play a small part in the planning in the interests of family.

Im a mother to 2 young men and i also dread the day they get involved with a woman like the Op.....

This is so sad. And you sound horrible.

I don't get it.

On the one hand you say she hasn't discussed anything about your wedding with you yet you felt the need to tell her to butt out she wasn't having any involvement.

Then you bitch to her presumably exh about her daring to look for outfits for herself. (I am presuming MOB outfits are similar to MOG)

You need to calm down. Your future MIL is not the one out of order here.

When you say your db was giving his DM money. Was he living at home at the time.

I ask as you seem quite young and the way you are going about things comes out like neither of you have left home yet.

The fact you don't have a DM doesn't mean your db has to obliterate his. Thinking he doesnt need his dm will only lead to his resentment of you and wasting years of your life on ultimately a marriage that will not last..

OP.

It's a Pinterest board. Really need big deal.

As PPs have said, you are coming across as very controlling and unpleasant.

She sounds a little over enthusiastic, and possibly a little lonely.

You sound as if you are looking for a reason to fall out with her and go NC.

This is your future DH's mum, can't you show her a little kindness?

Efferlunt if it makes you feel, better, I think mothers of girls have far more to fear from reading these boards!

You sound horrible OP.

FWIW I had no idea my Pinterest boards were visible to other people

Getting married isn’t just about the day OP. If you are lucky you may have 30 years plus with your MIL as part of your family. Sure they can be annoying do things very differently to you.... but have the good sense to recognise when you are being mental ( from the owner of a MIL of 2 years 😉)