OMG I can't believe what has I've just done is anyone around PLEASE?

[ohsmellyjelly]

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i know that feeling. I seem to be the one to apologise all the time and even when he deos say sorry its still me that takes theblame

Giving him time is so hard me and dh barely even texting let alone speaking! but his calming down as am i.

Where does your mum live? Anywhere nice that you could leave dc with her and you and dh go out for apicnic and talk?

i'm not surprised you exploded, I don't bloody blame you. He's being a cock. You should not have to ask him to look after his child. He doesn't ask you nicely every night

"Please will you get up with the children all night and let me sleep downstairs?"

does he?

Even last night I said I've been up for the last hour and he said "No you haven't, I didn't hear you" He's a bloody git

As soon as DS starts crying,I would go down and open the door to the room where he is sleeping. And say very loudly I don't expect you to get up just want you to know I am up.

osj just seen this

I'm so sorry. What a nightmare. Don't be too hard on yourself though. Have only had a quick read but from what I can see, with the pressure you're under, lack of help and support from him, and the tiredness - it's no wonder you had a meltdown

How are you now? Is he back or have I missed that bit?

xx

btw so that he has just run off like most of our men do in these situations. the more I think about it the more angry I am for you.
He needs to take equal responsibility in all aspects of your relationship and family life, otherwise you will never sort things out. I hope a night alone in the car has made him realise some of that

OSJ, what a git.
Don't think it would make much difference to your work load if he wasn't there would it???
It would severely piss me off if he'd slept downstairs all the time, esp as you work too. I always did all the night feeds even when DD1 went on a bottle. I didn't work so didn't mind as much, except when we did swap and I worked for 6 mths, I still did the night stuff. She didn't wake him, and it seemed silly to wake him when I was already awake, as she only needed replugging, but doesn't it cause a lot of resentment?????

Hi Ohsmellyjelly, I'm rushing out the door but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. will catch up with you later.

((((xxxx))))

Hi osj again, I think your probably at work now.

Did you see him before work? If so I hope you gave a good knee in the plumbs!!!

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Glad you're ok.

Talking tonight when you're both much calmer is a good idea.

I think perhaps if you can explain all the reasons why you lost it and all the things that have built up to get you to that point - he has to listen... surely?

I'd try to make the discussion more about 'what are the issues, what's led to this, how can we both fix it'... rather than laying any blame.

You were entitled to let off some steam (IMO!) and he now has to try and understand that you must have been feeling very very low to get to that stage in the first place!!

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Hello! Im glad he came home and that you are going to talk tonight. But be strong. Make him listen to you! You have been feeling like crap for a reason, and from what I can see, its him! I hope you work things out.I reckon you still need a little head space for a few days though.

Thinking of you

{{{hugs}}}

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Oh honey. Thats pretty horrific! I havnt had to deal with anything like that (yet!) I get so emotional, especially with emergencies and the owners get so destraught. It really chokes me! No wonder it got to you!

Im much better now, drank gallons of cranberry juice. But a bit tired today. Short fuse. I will be ok though, just arranged hairdressers for tomorrow. Cheered me up!

Do you have to work tomorrow too? You need some time off I think. Do have much holiday?

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I have been off since Jan. Been through lots of surgery. Very long story but basics on my profile, along with pics of it all!

I am going back next week actually! Back to what seems to be cleaning up cat poo all day!

I only work part time though

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That sounds great! Unfortunately I work afternoons so I get the discharges, cleaning and the 'after work' rush!!!

It was hard, but im ok. I had all clear after 1st op, which was cut lump out, shave skull to make sure and skin graft. Skin graft was worst part!!! After that it was 3 expanders in. and I had 2 infections, which made me really ill, affected blood pressure, temp, heart rate etc.. I could barely walk. So was rushed into st georges hospital in wimbledon twice (2 hours drive from here) So in 2 years I had 7 ops. 1st op was when my dd was 9 wks old. I found out when I was 5 months preggers. But the whole experience has made me stronger, more grateful and more determined to make something of myself. Well at least try!

I do waffle on dont I!!!

Hi OSJ, have only just seen your thread and have had to scan through it Whilst the night time debate no longer rages at the Wonka Factory (though, with another on the way, I intend to address it properly this time... ) I am invariably the one who tends to get up with dd in the mornings and it can really piss me off to the point when I just explode so don't be too hard on yourself for that - you're exhausted ffs!

Have to go and pick up dd from school but wanted to wish you well for this evening's chat - hope it's constructive for both of you.

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osj I probably won't be around on here tonight but if you need to talk or need anything at all then I am there for you!

I don't think I have your email do I? I will leave you a message on our MSN Group with my mobile on - use it anytime!

Good luck xx

Hi OSJ, sorry all this has blown up. Sounds awfully like the rows DP and I were/still occasionally having.

Hope yopu can have a constructive talk about it tonight - thats where we broke down, as he didnt want to talk anymore. Midlife crisis though, so you might get some sense out of yours.

Agree with everyone else - funny how they can just walk away, secure in the knowledge we will be there to pick up the pieces with the children

Hi Osmellyjelly, I really hope this evening goes well, I understand how you describe about how it can get defensive with you and dh. Can I make a suggestion and please don't laugh because I know this next bit is classic American self help style language but maybe replace "you this etc etc" for example, "you don't support me" "you never" try instead "I feel" So "I feel really alone with this" by doing this your not laying blame so to speak so well according to the books it makes the other person less inclined to be on the defensive. Anyway thinking of you. x

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