I have done something terrible and don't know what to do

[Wtfhaveidonehelp]

Have nc'd for this.

I'll start by saying i have been happily married for 10 years and would never have dreamed I'd be writing this.

I went on a girly weekend had a few drinks on Sat night. I think I was spiked as I was out of control and don't remember large parts of the evening.

Anyway, I ended up with a man. I don't know who, how or why but I did. I don't remember speaking to him but somehow we ended up outside together. I don't remember kissing him but I feel I must have. I don't believe we had sex but there was touching with hands on both parts.

By my friends account I seem to have gone off with him willingly and it just makes me sick to my stomach as I know if I was in my right mind there is no way in hell I would do that.

Now I'm petrified that I have caught something and have passed on to my husband and I will have to tell him. This will absolutely ruin our lives and I do not know what to do. I have been to the clinic and got some antibiotics but i have had sex with my husband since it happened. We use condoms.

I just don't know what to do. I can't eat or sleep and feel absolutely disgusted with myself.

Please can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks

It sounds like too much booze and too little food. Your self preservation kicked in and you got back safe which is the main thing. You had a drunken snog and a grope, what makes you think it was anymore than that? Please dont beat yourself up. Hangovers can last for days, you may have given yourself alcohol poisoning.

Was there anything to make you think you had sex? Disturbed clothes, feeling sore? It sounds like you had a snog/ grope but no sex.

How many drinks did you have and had you eaten? I have had that experience of feeling suddenly hugely drunk and long memory black out after not much alcohol when I've drunk quickly on an empty stomach. I didn't think my drink was spiked.

If your drink wasn't spiked in many ways that's a good thing as you weren't being targeted for sex, so less likely you had sex. However it does make it trickier with your husband in terms of blame.

It's sad that you think he would always view you differently if he knew.

OP - how can you tell your DH what you don’t know yourself. You are work8ng yourself into a state about something which may not have happened. Do not tell him. fGS stop worrying about you don’t know what.

If you work up in your hotel bedroom, we’re you fully dressed? Did you have your knickers on? Were you naked? Did you have your shoes?handbag? Mobile?

Many thanks to autocorrect for putting all the wrong words in
Woke up
Were

which essentially I did Not if you were spiked. If you were spiked you were sexually assaulted.

I would think there was something fundamentally wrong in my marriage if I couldn't tell my dh that I suspected I had been sexually assaulted/spiked.

You know your dh better than us.

Would he think you've cheated?

Or would he CORRECTLY think that you acted SO out of character and with the memory loss, that it's highly likely your drink was spiked, which means you didn't cheat you were assaulted.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please access counselling as well as physical health support if you think it will help you.

If you can identify your attacker you may want to consider reporting too although that's a highly personal decision to make and not easy. What a creep!

I had my drink spiked several years ago and this sounds very similar. I was lucky I was with good friends that night and 1 in particular knew I was only on my 2nd drink yet seemed suddenly VERY intoxicated, hot and was acting VERY out of character - going up to total strangers asking them to dance, trying to kiss a bouncer (who was not my type at all). She got me home. I remember only flashes from the first sip of the 2nd drink, it's a bit like a dream you're struggling to remember.

But, no you don't deserve to feel guilty about this. Not your fault at all.

"I would think there was something fundamentally wrong in my marriage if I couldn't tell my dh that I suspected I had been sexually assaulted/spiked." Me too. My ex was a dick in many ways but I know he'd have reacted to this with sympathy and support. We were in the throes of an extremely difficult divorce at the time of my spiking and he was one of the first people I told. Straight away said to call him if there was anything I needed or if I felt vulnerable while on a night out or got separated from friends.

It's no big mystery. It's an alcohol related blackout. Extremely common.

People don't realise how powerful a drug alcohol is sometimes.

thetab.com/uk/2016/10/18/alcohol-causes-blackout-forget-entire-night-22724

I’m a bit bemused by some of the comments on this thread. None of us will never know how truthful the OP is being with us, but on the face of it she’s the victim of a crime here.

OP pretty much exactly this happened to a friend of mine. A man followed her to the toilets, so her friends (I wasn’t there) didn’t notice she’d gone at first. Fortunately one of them went into the toilets after a few minutes and the man ran out.

My friend didn’t begin to piece together the events until the following day, when she realised how out of it she had felt the night before, but didn’t have a hangover. Fortunately she was certain she wasn’t raped, because of what she was wearing and the short timelines.

However she did tell her DH and friends, and the police were involved. The police took it very seriously as an assault, and nobody suggested she’d cheated on her DH. CCTV footage provided quite a lot of evidence that she had been spiked, but didn’t identify the man.

This did cause some issues in her marriage, but more I think because they both felt very helpless and angry and wanted to be able to undo what had happened, but they worked through it together.

Perhaps you need to talk through this with a professional. Your clinic should be able to provide some advice about where to start, but I’m sure other MNers can provide helpful information.💐

No on the face of it she isn't the victim of a crime. There is a far more obvious explanation which we already know is true. She used a drug known to disinhibit, make people act out of character and cause memory loss even at relatively small quantities (alcohol). She willingly went off for a fumble which is something she wouldn't normally do and she now feels awful.

Like millions of people every week who do something they wouldn't normally because they've ingested a powerful drug.

Hi OP

How are you doing?
This happened to me a few years ago.
I was back visiting my folks in my hometown without my DH.
Small town where everyone knows everyone.
I woke up the next morning, in my parents house, still dressed in my dress with no memory of how I got there.
When I got up I saw that my dress was ripped and I had such a bad/anxious feeling in my tummy. My brother said that he found me walking around the nightclub and took me home.No memory at all.

A few weeks later, I was back home with my DP and I received an email from someone I didn't recognise, saying they had a nice time and that they were no emigrating to my new home town and if I would like to meet them.
I was sick to my stomach, I had absolutely no memory of meeting this person, let alone talking to them, but I must of because they had my email address.
I ended up telling my DH because I felt so sick that I would do something like this to him let alone have no memory. Plus the person ended up going int my DH's workplace and asking him all about me. ( we are from same small town)
He got very creepy and aggressive with my DH
Anyway
I still can't remember what happened that night, what I did what I said, all I could do was apologise and I never will put myself in that position again.
DH was upset but anytime he wanted to speak about it, we did, I think you will always be in the back of your mind, if you don't.
Good luck love, if you want to talk pm me x