I have done something terrible and don't know what to do

[Wtfhaveidonehelp]

Have nc'd for this.

I'll start by saying i have been happily married for 10 years and would never have dreamed I'd be writing this.

I went on a girly weekend had a few drinks on Sat night. I think I was spiked as I was out of control and don't remember large parts of the evening.

Anyway, I ended up with a man. I don't know who, how or why but I did. I don't remember speaking to him but somehow we ended up outside together. I don't remember kissing him but I feel I must have. I don't believe we had sex but there was touching with hands on both parts.

By my friends account I seem to have gone off with him willingly and it just makes me sick to my stomach as I know if I was in my right mind there is no way in hell I would do that.

Now I'm petrified that I have caught something and have passed on to my husband and I will have to tell him. This will absolutely ruin our lives and I do not know what to do. I have been to the clinic and got some antibiotics but i have had sex with my husband since it happened. We use condoms.

I just don't know what to do. I can't eat or sleep and feel absolutely disgusted with myself.

Please can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks

Nothing happened. You wonder if something did happen, but it didn’t.

Why would you ruin your life, and that of your DH over a bad experience where you aren’t even sure what happened?!

Rather than going over and over the same story in your mind you change it to ‘I have no idea what happened as I think my drink was spiked. I’ve never cheated, no idea who the man was, but I got home safely’

These are the facts. Keep repeating them to yourself.

Antibiotics are prescribed for Chlamydia
Azithromycin, single dose, or doxycycline is taken as a one week course.

I was wondering if the OP knew, actually.

Did you get antibiotics as a "just in case" type of thing? That sounds strange to me.

It's routine in a case where there may be a serious bacterial infection and the labs won't be back for a while. It's called a prophylactic use.

OP, I wouldn't tell him. You had no intention to cheat on him and from your story it sound unlikely that you actually had intercourse. It would be a huge torment for him with no benefit other than making you feel a bit better perhaps. Had you done this intentionally that would be a very different situation.

I would tel him. Sounds like you won't be able to keep it in.

GUM Prescribing prophylactic antibiotics isn’t strange in the least,it’s common
It’s a preventative measure to either prevent or inhibit infection and there is research that prophylactic antibiotics reduce sti incidence

He's your DH ... of course you should tell him!!

If something like that happened the other way around, then I'm sure you would want to know, rather than him keeping a secret.

Tell the truth.

Of course you have to tell him.

I don’t understand whether you remember kissing or having sex or not. You say you remember hands on each other, but that’s it? Personally unless it was kissing or a sex act I wouldn’t actually consider that to be cheating, it’d be serious but it’s something you can come back from.

These things always come out, and you’re right, when he finds out and realises you’ve kept it all a secret he won’t for a second believe the ‘I was spiked’ line. Think about it for a second: if your drink is spiked, something awful to happen to anyone, and you feel ill for days, can’t remember the night, friends abandoned you, don’t you think most people would think that something to tell their partner the next day? Of course they would. You tell your partner even when it’s just been a nice normal fun night. Something this huge, of course you’d tell him, for support and just because that’s what happens in a relationship.

I guarantee you when it comes out he will believe 100% you cheated and went all the way with this other guy. If I were in this situation the other way around and my OH came to me the next day devastated and scared as he felt he’d been spiked and couldn’t remember the evening just bits and told me what he recalled I’d be right there with him. If he lied by omission and then a few months later I heard from someone else he’d cheated on me that night and when I confronted him he tried to say he’d been spiked and was missing memories from the night I’d consider him a cheat and a liar.

So yes, you have to tell him. It’ll eat you alive until you do anyway. This shit ALWAYS comes out.

Um, this shit does not always come out @LimeCheesecaker I know plenty of people who have knowingly cheated (unlike the OP) and got away with it.
OP don't do anything in a hurry. You need to calm down before you decide what to do.
It's a bit worrying that you think your DH would leave you if as seems possible you were spiked and taken advantage of/sexually assaulted.

As I said before, the friend who was there said I went willingly with the guy. Obviously if I was under the influence my judgement was seriously impaired but the facts are the facts. I feel horribly that this is all my stupid fault and there's no reason that dh would see it differently.

If I did go to report it, and there's cctv of this happening, then what? I just don't know where it would end up. Dh would absolutely insist i report it and it could end up in an even bigger mess.

Do not tell him
He may forgive
He may not
But he will never look at you the same again.
He will never get the image out his head.
Why cause him this?
Worse things happen.
Forgive yourself and move on.
This is a fight you don't need.

Are you all going to the wedding, I’d be terrified someone will say something whilst DH is there

I'm still majorly concerned about having passed something on though, I do have a tendency to worry excessively. If I have there's no getting out of that is there?

Definitely don't tell him.

You were assaulted. That's not cheating but men are just less forgiving about those things. Society still puts the blame on women for being assaulted instead of the sickos who spike drinks and assault them.

It wasn't a hen night i was on it and there's nothing else planned for us to get together anytime soon

Why not get yourself tested 1st and take it from there? Get a blood test too.

Sorry I misread. I would tell him, would you want to know if the roles were reversed. Could you forgive him not telling you ?

I would want to know so I could help him through it but I have a feeling he'd be less sympathetic

I think you should give him the chance to help you through this

If you didn't have sex, just hands, why would they give you preventative anti biotics?

I really think of your drink was spiked you should report that to the police.

I told them I wasn't 100% sure what happened, just that I didn't think it did, which is the truth.

Where did you wake up?

In my hotel room, as I should have been. I have no recollection of getting in there though but I must have let myself in with the key card. It's all just so bizarre.

If you woke alone in your own room I wouldn’t assume you have cheated. Feel awful for you though, guilt is the worst feeling ever and the obsessing is quite normal I think. You obviously really love your OH, try not to be too hard on yourself. There is no evidence you slept with anyone.

Similar thing happened to me. Dh knew something happened and eventually I told him. Regretted it ever since. Keep quiet would be my advice.