I have done something terrible and don't know what to do

[Wtfhaveidonehelp]

Have nc'd for this.

I'll start by saying i have been happily married for 10 years and would never have dreamed I'd be writing this.

I went on a girly weekend had a few drinks on Sat night. I think I was spiked as I was out of control and don't remember large parts of the evening.

Anyway, I ended up with a man. I don't know who, how or why but I did. I don't remember speaking to him but somehow we ended up outside together. I don't remember kissing him but I feel I must have. I don't believe we had sex but there was touching with hands on both parts.

By my friends account I seem to have gone off with him willingly and it just makes me sick to my stomach as I know if I was in my right mind there is no way in hell I would do that.

Now I'm petrified that I have caught something and have passed on to my husband and I will have to tell him. This will absolutely ruin our lives and I do not know what to do. I have been to the clinic and got some antibiotics but i have had sex with my husband since it happened. We use condoms.

I just don't know what to do. I can't eat or sleep and feel absolutely disgusted with myself.

Please can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks

It really seems as if your drink was spiked, which is terrible luck and incredibly violating.

Did you get antibiotics as a "just in case" type of thing? That sounds strange to me.

I'd be tempted to grill my so-called friends a lot more over this, get myself tested and wait until I have more info before deciding what to say to my dh.

I really feel for you, sorry

Do not tell DH

It was not your usual behaviour- it is a terrible fright you've given yourself- that alone will stop you doing it again. There's nothing to be gained here from telling him

No double standards here thanks.

If my dh were in this exact situation, I wouldn't want him to tell me, no.

Would it be too much of a risk to tell him that you think your drink was spiked as there are parts of the evening that you can't remember?

Why would your husband think that you cheated?

Don't listen to the self-righteous twats saying you should tell your H. You can't even properly remember what happened; your drink may well have been spiked and you have no desire to wreck your marriage.

Honesty is not always best, and one drunken error is not worth wrecking several lives over.
You might find it helpful to talk to a counsellor or phone a helpline or something. I hope you find peace of mind soon.

if Drink was potentially spiked Sat and it’s now Friday the chemical will be undetectable
Who do you think spiked drink?the man?mates?random?
Was this man known to you or your circle?or was this 1st meeting?how do you know he’s 200mile away

I’d suggest ask friends about night out,did you get steadily drunker,did they see?
Or a suddenly intoxicated,not commensurate to what’d been drunk
If your drink was spiked and you have a potential name, report it
If you were intoxicated and bad judgement,that

You are all right with what you're saying. I'm just so torn. I'm normally all for honesty but I feel like because I didn't say anything straight away it would look even worse. I wish I'd told him as soon as I was home but it's too late for that now.

I know him, and I know that this would be a deal breaker. At the very least he would never see me the same again, spiked or not.

I will absolutely make sure I am never put in such a position again. I will probably never drink again to be sure.

I think I am going to keep quiet and if it ever comes out then I will have to deal with the consequences. I know that this is terribly cowardly but I can't see how any good can come of telling. Please understand.

Pressed too soon
If you were intoxicated and exhibited bad judgement,then you need to decide what to do

We were in a different city. I don't know the man nor do any of the friends I was with. We didn't know anyone.

" I will probably never drink again to be sure. "

Soft drinks can be spiked though.

You have to make sure that your drink is never out of your sight.

I don't usually drink to excess. Certainly not in a new place. That coupled with the fact that I have memory black spots and that I felt dreadfully Ill for 3 days after is what makes me think I was spiked.

Right now i would happily never go out again if this is what it results in.

Don't beat yourself up. This was not cheating or an affair. Your DH does NOT need to know (and this is from someone who was told 6 months into a 5 year relationship that my DP had drunkenly kissed someone on a night out - I forgave him but it ruined everything, I never forgot).

Forget about it. He won't find out, as you have said there are no links. Just literally forget about it and move on.

Stop beating yourself up and have a lovely weeknd with your DH who you clearly love very much.

xxx

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Maybe look into getting some counselling if you’re struggling? But I’m in the camp of absolutely do not tell your husband. It was one night, you can’t even remember exactly what happened, you may have had your drink spiked. It’s definitely not worth wrecking your marriage over.

Thank you for being so kind. I need it after the week I've had. So, any tips on HOW to forget?

Totally with the don't tell him opinion..

It’s all v unfortunate and clearly your torn up about it
The only item I know of to provide a physical barrier,is this spikey for bottled drink
Never used as I don’t drink bottled beers

If my DH were in this EXACT same situation I wouldn’t want to know.

What would people on MN say if there was a thread about a DH saying he'd had sexual contact with someone on a night out and says he must have been spiked?

Yeah. Don't tell him.

You drank too much, did something out of character and you won't do it again. Don't tell him.

You just have to put it out of your mind. Or do the elastic band trick. Ping it on your wrist every time you think about it and start thinking about fluffy kittens and puppies. As soon as you think about it, acknowledge that you have, and think about something else.

Think about all the special memories you have made and are yet to make with your husband. Do not break his heart by telling him.

You can do this OP, guilt is such a pointless emotion. Put it down to one of those blackout drunken nights that seem so embarrassing for th first week but you soon forget, stop trying to fill in the gaps as quite simply you will never know.

xxx

So did the clinic find that you have something?

The incubation period is 2 weeks so they said I could have precautionary antibiotics or go back in 2 weeks for tests.

For what std though?

I know its already been said OP, but your friends really should have looked after you more, you say you're
married, why would you have wanted to go off with a strange man?