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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Honest" H

84 replies

Belfastbird · 19/06/2018 19:31

My husband has just told me one of the main reasons he doesn't want us to go to a destination wedding is that he would be embarrassed having the fattest wife there. I know I need to lose some weight but I am 5ft4 & a size 14 (11lb5) so not obese. This is also the reason he will no longer sleep with me I am at the end of my tether. He says he is just being truthful & it's not hurtful. What do you think. Prepared to be flamed. Thx

OP posts:
MrsAJ27 · 19/06/2018 21:33

What a fucking loser, what do you actually get from this relationship?

bobstersmum · 19/06/2018 21:42

What an absolute knob! I am very similar to you and after 3 dc in quick succession my body isn't the best to be honest but my husband still tells me he fancies me and loves me because I'm still the same person and that's the way it damn well should be, your dh is a prize prick!

ASimpleLampoon · 20/06/2018 04:39

The only excess weight you need to lose is him.

Shoxfordian · 20/06/2018 05:17

Quick way to lose a useless 12 or 13 stone op

He's unkind and horrible; don't put up with it

saganorenscarandcoat · 20/06/2018 07:03

I would hate this man. What are you doing with him? And who the hell must he think he is to speak to you like this? He must be an Adonis. He is destroying your self esteem, he should be proud to be be with his wife. I would seriously not be able to get over this and I'd not want to be with a man who spoke to me like that.

AndInOtherNews · 20/06/2018 07:08

What the hell?!
Go to the wedding on your own and have a fab time.

dundermiflin · 20/06/2018 07:09

My ex used to say stuff like that to me. He didn't call me fat but he would make cuttings remarks about my looks or intelligence. It took me a long time to realise I wasn't the one with the problem. One day he said I was lucky he was with me because no one else would want me. It was then that I realised that actually, he didn't want anyone else to have me and that probably lots of guys would be happy to date me.

I'm better of without him, as are you.

Hogtini · 20/06/2018 07:11

The only good thing about this is that you're in the planning stages of your wedding...do not proceed any further!

Luxembourgmama · 20/06/2018 07:19

It's not your weight anyway he's a prick he'd make you feel bad about something else if it wasn't that. You're definitely not unreasonable

Fromage · 20/06/2018 07:25

What a nasty little man.

I WISH I were your size.

He might be being truthful but whether or not it's hurtful is not for him to dictate. You can have your own, valid feelings, thank you very much. And if he's Brad Pitt-like in looks, it doesn't matter - beautiful people have no more right to criticise others than those who look like donald trump.

Sounds like what's important to him is how you look, not how you feel.

If skinny is so important to him, he should go fuck a mop.

I wish him and his new girlfriend Vileda many happy years together.

brainache78 · 20/06/2018 07:28

I'm fat.
My DP says I'm beautiful (I'm not!) and I truly thinks he believes that.

My weight yo-yos and he has been with me through (literally) thick and thin. He doesn't treat me any differently whatever the number in my clothes says.

This is about your twat H's issues and nothing whatsoever to do with you.

He must be massively insecure. How very unattractive.

Tell him you're embarrassed to be seen with a man with such a shitty personality.

hellsbellsmelons · 20/06/2018 09:57

Well HE doesn't have to go.
Can you go on your own?
Tell him you are more than happy that he doesn't want to go as you will have a far better time without him there.
He sounds fucking horrible.
You need make your exit plan.
You will have no self-esteem if he keeps knocking it like this.
Life is way too short to be people who make you feel like shit and bring you down!

eightfacesofthemoon · 20/06/2018 10:02

he told you he was embarrassed to be seen with you. and you wonder if we are being over sensitive!

Thebluedog · 20/06/2018 10:04

What an absolute arsehole! Finding someone attractive or being proud of them isn’t about what they look like, it’s about respecting and living the person, especially after several kids and that long a marrige.

I’d be telling him that I don’t find his attitude, callousness and cruel comments attractive so I don’t want to sleep, or live with him anymore.

This isn’t about your size op, it’s about being married to someone who has more about them other than a skin deep looks. I guess he’d be happy with a complete airhead or cruel cowbag as long as she looked like a super model - fucking arsehole! I’m fuming for you op

onanotherday · 20/06/2018 10:07

Well you can drop 13 +stone now!!

Go without him and have a wonderful time.. come back tanned and relaxed and consider if you want to keep him! Thanks

Porridgeprincess · 20/06/2018 10:11

So he doesn't have sex with you and is also now ashamed to be seen with you. You are the mother of his two young kids and he comes up with this? He has zero respect and obviously feels the need to bring you down. Horrid fucker.

Huskylover1 · 20/06/2018 10:16

Erm, that is NOT fat anyway.

I'm 11 stone, and a bit shorter than you. I could do with dropping a bit of weight, but NO-ONE would look at me and think I was fat.

Even if you were fat, his comments would be unacceptable, but the bigger question is WHY is he saying these nasty things, when they aren't even true?

I'd be going through his phone/emails/facebook etc, sounds like there could be OW.

Pinktails · 20/06/2018 10:22

Another prince among men. Go by yourself and determine to have the time of
your life - it will be good practise for when you've dumped him. Flowers

BetterEatCheese · 20/06/2018 10:24

Ugh what an arsehole. Nasty man.

ginghamstarfish · 20/06/2018 10:25

OP, get yourself to that wedding and have a great time, then come back and get rid of this loser. You deserve better and I'm sure your kids do too.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/06/2018 10:34

Ugh. He sounds vile. I expect he puts you down to make himself feel better

I also agree with a previous PP who said that I bet he's vile to you in other ways too. Wanker

Zoflorabore · 20/06/2018 10:36

Op this is horrible, how dare he?

So presumably since you're too fat for him to have sex with he doesn't ask you? Make you feel special etc? Oh. My. God.

I am much bigger than you and my dp fancies me just as much as ever, probably more now to be honest.
This is a really shitty thing to say. Honesty? Does he want a bloody medal? There's honesty and there's nasty.

Nobody can tell you what to do, if this is out of character for your husband then you need to give him what for. If you look back and see that he's been like this for a while then it's time to move on, without the excess baggage that is him.

I would play him at his own game and point out every single fault of his ( and make up a few for good measure )

You deserve to be cherished. The one person who should always have your back is your spouse. I'm fuming for you.

Go on the holiday and wear what you want. Let him know that you've got no problem with how you look.
One of my best friends weighs half of what I do, literally. She eats and eats and remains a size 8, she has no figure or boobs and hates it. She always says she would love to have my figure with all its wobbly bits.

Shame on him. Don't change for this man.

Thebluedog · 20/06/2018 10:42

I bet you’re not too far to cook his dinner and wash his pants, nasty fucker. As it gets have said, go to the wedding on your own, or better still, go to the wedding, show him this thread and leave him

HeartCurrent · 20/06/2018 10:47

A size 14? You are average size. I'm a size 12 and if my OH said that to me... well he wouldn't he knows better.
That's just a cruel and insensitive comment to make about the person he's supposed to love.
I'd say that's fine I can happily be the fattest single woman there if that's what you prefer you prick!

ResistanceIsNecessary · 20/06/2018 10:48

I'm the same height and 2.5 stone heavier!! My DH has never made me feel bad about my weight. He's supportive of me trying to lose it (for health reasons) but he has never once criticised me or made me feel bad - and that's exactly how it should be.