New partner borrowing money - just found out this has happened before.

[Harra]

Just found out that my new partner who moved in with me very quickly as was kicked out by his landlady (probably girlfriend at the time though he lies) has done this to various women. He owes money to a lot of people. He was an ex of mine from over 26 years ago so things progressed quite quickly. I lent him money (£1000) to help him back on his feet & he has been living rent free since February. I got in touch with his brother on Sunday morning who has explained this is what he does. I was in shock. I have not discussed it with him. He is now working & has paid £200 back so far. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel if I ask him to leave I will not get any further money.

After all the advice op decides to ignore it all and go with her 'plan'.
Such a shame that this cocklodging wanker gets her money, sympathy and understanding but her own son? Not so much.
I am actually embarassed for you, op, being this gullible and daft. The situation is not complicated at all, it's easily solved but deep down you just really want a man, and it seems like any excuse for a man will do.

Update: I got £700 in July & a further £1500 in August. Apparently he has transferred £1200 on 30th Sept but no sign of it in my bank account.
He has now gone as of last night.
What a relief.

Well done OP, both on getting rid of him and following your own plan ignoring some of the bullying PP here. Good update.

Oh dear. Easily donethough. Particularly if you knew him before.
If you let it go on you will feel worse about yourself. I agree with other posters. Chuck him out and change locks.

Oops. Just read FT. Well done OP

Thanks pog100 and Havabiscut Really appreciate your posts. 😉

Phew. Glad you finally saw sense and got rid of him!

It might be worth looking into the freedom course/ what kind of support stuff there is around for you locally with building self esteem and setting boundaries etc. It's really risky moving someone you once knew in after a week, especially when you have a child. There could have been do much worse things you found out when you spoke to his brother. 'Oh he's just out of prison for.....'
So glad you are free of him ❤

Thanks all - have updated the police with what happened, my lovely neighbours are all aware. Just need to get some sleep as my head is in overdrive & work is ridiculously busy.

Well done. I’m glad you have got things sorted. I remember reading this thread when you first posted, so,glad of a happy outcome.

😀

OP I don't really understand the maths. At the end of June he owed you £600. In July he paid you £700, then £1500 in August, then claims to have transferred £1200 at the end of September.

What is the additional £2800 for? Did you lend him more money? And what was it you reported to police?

I'm glad he has gone, but tbh I am that you let him stay in your house with your son for a further 3 months.

BerylStreep - I didn’t lend him any more money. We had a discussion about finances. He used to brag that when he lived with a girlfriend (this was 3 years ago or so he says) he would pay her £250 per week for rent food & bills. So when we had this talk I said ‘ you say you used to pay Janice £250 a week, so shall we do the same here?’ Which he agreed to. I then backdated £250 per week from the day he moved in. So theoretically he owes he a lot of money in ‘backdated rent etc’ which I appreciate I will never see. Regarding the police, I went to see them & explained the story. They have seen this sort of thing lots of times. I wanted to know what to do if he didn’t want to leave or started being awkward. As it is my house & no written agreement in place he has to just go but if there had been a problem, I was advised to call 999. It didn’t come to that. Hope that explains things a bit more.

So, I'm a bit confused here, have I missed something?
You met an old ex, started a relationship, moved him in, he lived with you rent-free which you agreed to, he borrowed money that he was paying you back now he has a job, he was helping out a lot around the house while off and was great with your son.

What exactly has he done wrong besides having a previous girlfriend and owing other people money?

Well done op. Glad you ignored some of the advice on here and trusted your own instincts.

StormTreader - he owes lots of people money, particularly women that he moves in with. Big red flags there.

Yes, OP got her money but she was very lucky. No reason to chance her luck further by getting further entangled with a serial money borrower.

I haven't borrowed money from anyone (apart from a student loan and a mortgage) since I was a teen.

Well done OP.

"he owes lots of people money, particularly women that he moves in with. Big red flags there."

And that's worth all the "I called the police and logged an incident, and am ready to call 999" drama? He didn't steal the money, he asked to borrow it and the OP agreed. He said he'd pay it back and he is. If the OP spoke to his brother tomorrow and he said "haha I was only joking about him owing people money!" then what else has he actually done wrong?

I'm not saying that maybe he wasn't planning to take the OP for a ride, but I don't see any mention of what hes actually done, just what other people think he MIGHT do? Surely the OP can just not agree to lend him any more?

You are right there is more. I got in touch with his brother because he didn’t come home after going to help his brother with some troublesome neighbours. When I spoke to his brother - they had fallen out years ago and hadn’t seen him since. When he had split with a previous gf (about 4 years ago) he had stayed with his brother & probably slept with his wife. Was kicked out. So where was he when not with his brother? Maybe with his brother’s now ex wife!!!! So a lot more to it than just the financial side. Have found a few lottery tickets which I suspect are the tip of the iceberg. Hence why at 45 he has nothing to show for it despite bragging how much he used to earn. Something out of Jeremy Kyle!!!!!!

Wow.

I can't believe people are saying well done or you thought this was a good way of dealing with things. Were you still having sex all this time while planning to boot him out once you got your money? And really, you let some bloke you used to know move in after a week? Incredible

I was saying well done for facing up to the situation, getting advice from the authorities and ending this toxic relationship.

what else has he actually done wrong?

Smashed a camera in a taxi and also lied that he was staying his brother's overnight, when his brother said he hadn't seen him in 4 years. Came back from supposedly fixing a bike in nice clothes.

Lots of little things that add up to a big no. It's great that OP didn't wait for things to go badly wrong and trusted her instincts and ended the relationship with lots of warning signs. It's a bonus that all was resolved amicably.

Cross post