Stressing about Christmas already.. AIBU?

[Igglepiggle88]

I have been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 1 year old son.
His parents live abroad so we have spent every Christmas so far at my parents house, which has never really bothered OH.
This may sound childish but I was an only child and very close to my parents, and every single Christmas of my 29 years I have spent with them just the 3 of us and then obviously OH and DS now.
He has invited his parents to stay with us this year over the Christmas period, which is understandable as he hasn’t had one with them in 6 years. His parents are ok, we don’t always see eye to eye but we tolerate each other.
The thing is my parents won’t come to our house for Christmas dinner as they are a bit set in their ways and want to be at home, and his parents won’t go and have Christmas dinner and their house with us all. So I’m in a bit of a hard place. I was thinking of staying Christmas morning and then helping to prepare the dinner but then going to my parents around 1pm and having dinner with them, giving them chance to see DS (they only live 5 miles away) and then coming home later in the evening.
I just feel they will bad mouth me for a) leaving them.. b) taking DS if I take him c) being selfish and leaving DS if I leave him with them.. but it just won’t be Christmas to me without dinner at theirs.
Any advice or opinions either way will be appreciated.

You are being incredibly selfish

YABVU to be honest. Have Christmas with your partner, and his parents for a change. Relationships are about give and take. Seems you have just done the taking at Christmas for the past few years. Time to compromise

Honestly if your in laws aren’t particularly nice to you then it’s totally understandable that you wouldn’t want to spend Xmas with them. However it is only one day in the year. Suck it up and go to your parents for Boxing Day meal.

Re the meal I would be telling DP taphat because you don’t like coo,I get and he invited his family to yours that either
A he cooks
B you go out for dinner
C You eat ready prepared stuff from Cook or M&S (that he cooks)

Crikey, awful typos.

*that
*cooking

All this angst... how unnecessary.

You would be incredibly rude to leave your DP's parents to go to your parents' house on Christmas Day. You are hosting Christmas. You do it at your house, with your DP and your DS.

If your parents don't want to come that's their problem. They live 5 miles away - you can see them whenever you want to.

Time to grow up OP. Your Christmas priority should be your DP and your DS. Don't you want to have your own Christmas meal, in your own house, with your own traditions? Take pride and pleasure in being the host!

My DH invited his family for Christmas a few years ago, I asked him what he was planning to cook for them.

After a while he understood that I wasn’t joking, did his research and pulled off a beautiful meal. He’d never done a Sunday lunch before either.

Do that, and don’t worry about your parents- if they’re invited and choose not to come, then they’ve chosen. If his parents are rude then say “I’d appreciate it if you could have the courtesy to not insult me in my own home”. Should embarrass them into a degree of politeness. Don’t be drunk, it won’t help.

Thank you very much everyone for your advice and input it’s been a big help.
I managed to get mum onside and she talked round dad, they are both now coming to our house for Christmas dinner so we’ll be having it at ours with both sets of parents.
I’m going to practice with the cooking regardless anyway though as I don’t want to let both of ours mothers do everything.
Drama averted! x

That's great news and I wish you luck with your roast dinner practice.

Thanks snuggy x

Sorry, OP but you have guests in your home. You really should be there with them.

That's great. Good luck op.

That’s great
Come back for cooking advice! 😊

Brilliant news! Now get yourself over to the Christmas boards, the lovely people over there will hold your hand and walk you through every step. And don't forget to make sure your OH pulls his weight. Good luck!

Practically speaking Christmas Dinner seems intimidating if you're not a great cook but it's really not that difficult. As pp said buy a good thermometer so you can be happy that the Turkey is cooked and do all the prep for the veg the previous day or if you don't want the hassle buy the ready prepared stuff and heat up. Also work out how many pans you need and what oven space is needed etc so you know in advance what you need to cook and when. Also this is a joint effort and your OH should be as involved in preparing it as you are. You should also perhaps say to him that his parents had better not criticise your cooking while they are with you or they won't get an invite again so that they are pre-warned that you're not taking any shit (and they are rude to comment about your cooking skills anyway).

With regard to your parents they are being rude, inflexible and manipulative putting you in the situation where you feel you have to choose between them and your own little family.

Invite them to come to your house for Christmas Dinner, perhaps ask them to make and bring cranberry sauce/special stuffing/Christmas pudding or whatever it is that you always enjoy from your Christmas Dinner at your parents and then it's their choice if they refuse to come.

Try not to get too worried about it, it's only June lol! You have time to get things sorted out. Your partners parents do need to have a turn this year and it wouldn't be great to leave and go to your parents on Xmas day. Why don't you tell your parents we're cooking a lovely dinner, I'm with you every year and as much as I love that we are a family now and need to try and accommodate everyone which means Xmas will be at our house and you're more than welcome to join. If not I'll see you on Boxing Day and we can have dinner together. I don't think you're being selfish or childish, you're obviously just set in your ways and used to going to your parents every year but the more you worry the more stress you'll cause yourself and then someone probably will start arguing lol! It will be fine, don't let anyone make you feel bad! X

Didn't see your update. That's great!

Thank you very much everyone for all the lovely comments and advice. I’m sure I will be posting again before Christmas stressing out about something to do with it lol! But I feel much better knowing that we are all going to be together x