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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

*WARNING* COHABITING PARENTS

77 replies

Orla122 · 17/06/2018 15:59

I never realised how easy it was to be made homeless. As I know many people do I was cohabiting with my partner and my name was not on any rental agreement or bills so there was no proof I made any financial contribution to the home which in turn lead me to have no legal rights to my only home. Also because my ex partner is on the birth certificates of the children and his sole name on everything connected to the house because of this the law has made me homeless and taken all my parental rights from me. I have to find a house (minimum 2 beds) so I can have any custody of my children. social housing wont provide a two bed without the custody of the children and I cant get custody without a 2bed property. This is the law and the government putting me in a cycle of nothingness. I cant even get private rental because the landlords wont except housing benefits. If you are cohabiting or no someone who is either get out or get legal agreements. I didn't believe it would happen to me but here we are I have no money no where to live no access to my children and the only way to get my children back is to raise enough money to get myself somewhere to live. I need at least £3000 to secure a two bed private rental. That's a deposit first moths rent and 3 extra months rent to give me the time to sort all my benefits. Anyone with any idea or suggestion of any women's organisations that can help me?

OP posts:
NobodysMot · 17/06/2018 16:01

I agree with you. Women do know this though, it is low self-esteem that makes them accept it I think.

Can you go to women's aid now? Even if you are temporarily homeless (ie in a hostel) for a while.

Woud your x want custody of the children ? Most fathers say that, use it as a leverage to control you but they've never changed a nappy and would actually die before they had full custody but they threaten it.

NobodysMot · 17/06/2018 16:03

I don't understand how you've lost your parental rights though?
Did he kick you out making you homeless? And you cannot return to the house because it's his?

UghFletcher · 17/06/2018 16:11

How have you lost PR? Who removed that from you? There has to be more to this

rollingonariver · 17/06/2018 16:20

Does your ex work op?

Pandora79 · 17/06/2018 16:23

You can't have lost PR, just on the basis of you not being on the house. Losing PR is a huge deal, not something done lightly

Sometimeitrains · 17/06/2018 16:24

I dont see how you have lost your parental rights. Are you the childrens birth mother?

flamingofridays · 17/06/2018 16:27

You haven't lost pr assuming they're your biological kids?

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 17/06/2018 16:29

You cannot have legally lost your parental rights simply because you're homeless.

Has something else gone on?

I'm not sure if rules are different elsewhere but around here the council would put you in a b&b or bedsit and even if you had your children at weekends only you would be entitled to a 2 bed property when you are at the top of the list.

Or you could go for a 1 bed social housing place and try to swap to a 2 bed or put your dc in your room and you sleep on the couch on your contact times.

GetInMyNelly · 17/06/2018 16:30

Firstly, I would NEVER live in someone's house with them and have 0 legal security.

Secondly, if he asked you to leave, you could have taken you children with you.

PrimalLady · 17/06/2018 16:37

There's no such thing as parental rights. P
R is for parental responsibility.

Where are you staying? Who has said you cannot have any custody? My ex took my children. Yes the month long wait for court was tough but no court will stop you having any contact with them.

Original poster
Orla122 · 17/06/2018 16:42

there was a lot of domestic abuse which I called the police to deal with and this is the result of them. The police have removed me until it is all through court I have no rights to have a safe 2 bed home for me and my children they are legally in his care because I have no where to live. I need to have full custody of my children for their safety . He wants custody of the children and to remove any trace of me from their lives I am not even allowed to visit with them at the moment and all my belongings are his property

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 17/06/2018 16:48

Get legal advice

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 17/06/2018 16:48

You don't lose PR from leaving a household.

Millions co-habit and take the risk. Choosing to co-habit with no name on the lease and opting out of working so you have no means of financial independence was a huge risk and one that has backfired. It wasn't the cohabitation as such but lack of any sort of back up plan should things go wrong.

honeysucklejasmine · 17/06/2018 16:49

Did you speak to women's aid? This can't be right.

PolkerrisBeach · 17/06/2018 16:54

I think what OP is saying is that for whatever reason it was her who had to leave the family home and is now living elsewhere.

She has approached the Council for housing and she has been told that because her children are adequately housed with their Dad she can't ask for them to be considered when making her application. That's all fair enough.

Totally different thing from losing your parental rights.

NoIWontDoWhatYouSay · 17/06/2018 16:55

Something doesn't add up here.

Mumblechum0 · 17/06/2018 16:55

You could apply for an ouster injunction on the basis of DV irrespective of who's name is on the lease. It would give you at least 6 months of security.

You need to get an appointment with a family lawyer asap. You can find one on the www.resolution.org.uk website.

flopsyrabbit1 · 17/06/2018 16:56

its always mentioned on MN that women in cohabating couples need to protect themselves

many know but ignore

how can the children be ok with your ex when the police are involved and he is violent??

shiklah · 17/06/2018 16:56

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Yes, a lot of women are in this situation and it is terrible. Please get legal advice.

Notevilstepmother · 17/06/2018 16:57

Women’s aid will help you. Flowers

Original poster
Orla122 · 17/06/2018 16:58

I was in a long term committed relationship and anyone can fall into the trap I had to leave work when my first was born as it made sense financially to have me at home with her and save on child care costs this was where everything stemmed from and I was planning to go back to work but he just wouldn't compromise to make even a part time job do able. It was a clear wake up to my system when everything unfolded.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/06/2018 16:59

Parental responsibility isn’t removed in an accommodation crisis.get a solicitor
Yes of course your ex is on birth certificate he’s the dad. But as mum you’re also on birth certificate?
Regard the accommodation,yes if you’re not on lease you’re not a tenant
The law hasn’t made you homeless, your break up with partner made you homeless

Battleax · 17/06/2018 17:01

You haven’t lost your parental rights; You’ve temporarily lost residence of the D.C.

Do you have legal advice?

Badbadtromance · 17/06/2018 17:01

I just wish more women would either be financially independent or marry before having kids. I didn't but always had my own money and house

Battleax · 17/06/2018 17:04

This is, BTW, exactly why it’s regularly said on MN that;

  1. You shouldn’t live anywhere where your name isn’t on the tenancy, deeds or mortgage.

  2. Don’t be a SAHM if you’re unmarried, especially if you’re not joint owner of your family home.