We are off on romantic hol. Suddenly declares no marriage...

[forthispurposeonly]

So been with man 15 months. We've talked a lot about marriage even down to where and who to invite!! A few months back I sent him a little quote about marriage and he wrote back "sooner than you think" !! He even asked ring size...

We are off to a very romantic location sans children in less than two weeks.

Bizarrely over the last few days he's announced how he doesn't want to get married any time soon!!!! But "never say never". He basically cant stop telling me how he DOESNT want to get married...

Wtaf.... I was full on hoping this was going to be proposal potential!!!

I'm going to try my best to forget about it and enjoy the lovely holiday but must admit to feeling deflated...

Tell him you agree. You don't want to either....then watch his face. You'll be able to tell by his reaction

I'm a lawyer :)

...and I already changed my will when he moved in. My children take priority and are fully protected.

How soon did he move in with you and the kids OP?

If currently own your own house and you're the main breadwinner by far (and I hate to sound so mercenary) is it really to your advantage to marry him?

Maybe she just loves him . Marriage isn't all about financial protection.

Good answer!
Although if he doesn't want to marry you why does he want to live with you. That'd piss me right off.

Marriage isn't all about financial protection

It kind of is. I mean love too or whatever, but really, the financial thing is so so important!

I'd say slow it all right down OP. Why change things for the moment? Go and have a great holiday

Marriage isn't all about financial protection

No it's not. But it's a primary consideration when the security and future security of your kids are at stake. Why would the OP just not consider that when she is in a stronger financial position than the man she's known less time than her hairdresser.

I would be very pissed off that he had done a u-turn.
Personally, I wouldn't enjoy the holiday at all because of the uncertainty of the situation/the future. Quite big things in my book!

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!

Had a post office card left today for him so went to collect......

It's a small box...

Content label says..... ring!!!!!!!

It's an import label (going to assume he's had to budget due to current position financially - i couldnt care one jot if it cost 5 pounds!!!!)

I'm remaining calm. I've left it on the table. If it is what I'm hoping then he'll be mortified the label says ring!!! So I'm obviously going to act normal as if I haven't paid any attention to what it is.

Going to be careful i dont let this get my hopes up but..... eek!!!!

Should add our discussionn escalated a few days ago to the point i was in tears and said i didnt want to discuss it again. He sat next to me and gave me a big hug. Head all over the place right now but this is a big twist...!!

Oooh! An interesting development! I hope it is an engagement ring! And not a spare part for something

Enjoy your holiday...I think he might be trying to put you off..just relax and enjoy and see what happens!

Ooo good update. Hope your holiday is lovely OP

Shameless place marking ! All the best OP :)

I love this update 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Oh my word this has got exciting!! 👏🏻👏🏻

I loved your answer about the house!

Oooohhhhh! Ok, that’s a bit of a development......!

Well this is all very exciting! But also why I hate this whole proposal business. Your head is all over the shop, you’re second guessing the holiday, the package arriving and how the rest of your life is going to pan out, all because tradition says we should wait patiently to be asked, rather than having a discussion like grown ups.

FWIW my DP of 6 years and I have discussed marriage in the future. I told him I don’t want it to be his decision when it happens. I have 3 dcs who will be affected by any plans I make and I don’t see why my future (and theirs) should be in someone else’s hands.

My DP is a traditional type and I’m sure he’ll want to do something to surprise me, but tbh I’d much rather we just talk about it and maybe plan a party or something to announce our news to others as the surprise. I don’t want my own life changing decisions to be a surprise to me!

Exciting! My DH also tried to throw me off the scent, which I didn't realise at the time. It made it a surprise at least! 😁

I loathe this kind of proposal dangling. Even if he does propose on the holiday it’s all crummy power games. Total turn off.

Sorry OP but I'm with auntyelle. You are clearly a successful, clever woman with a great career but he's got you dangling and waiting. So if he never Asks..........

Sorry to go against the grain but he sounds like a total headfuck !
Is he a man or a boy? I can't be doing with childish games that reduce a SO to tears - what a control freak!

OP enjoy your holiday and use the child free time to really think about what you want and deserve from your life

I don’t want my own life changing decisions to be a surprise to me!

^ This.

Sorry to go against the grain but he sounds like a total headfuck !
Is he a man or a boy? I can't be doing with childish games that reduce a SO to tears - what a control freak. Agreed, it’s like those people who pretend theyve forgotten their loved ones birthday, then in the evening after you’ve spent a shitty day feeling unloved and ignored ...”surprise!! Here’s a party/gift” yeah thanks!