I don't want to be a SAHM but I am being forced to

[MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup]

So at the moment everything is working out fine. I work, my DH works and our shift pattern works so that we both can look after our DS. He has now been accepted for a new job, which means that he has to change his days and it means that I have to change mine because he's the main earner! He will be earning far more money than I will.

The problem is, my contract states that I have to work every alternate weekends and because my DH also has to work every weekends in his new job, I am basically buggered! He said if work can not adjust it then I don't have any option but to stay at home then. I really don't want to be a SAHM! I love my DS to bits but I'd rather work and just be a "normal" working mum and I really enjoy going to work and interacting with my colleagues! It's the only adult conversation I get all week.

Do you think he is being selfish for putting me in this position?! I am worried about what work will say because I know that they will not allow me to have weekends off, and childcare is extortionate as well so having to fork out for that while I work, there will be no point! My DS is only 1 so not entitled to the free government funding yet.

I don't know why I feel really worried... I sound like a selfish person for not wanting to stay at home with my DS but as I explained, I really enjoy going to work. It gets me out of the house and enables me to earn money too as I like to earn my own money!

Household finances will only go up if he earns more than the OP is losing by not working

So is this promotion's payrise significantly more than your salary? It's a hard decision but one you should make together.

Could you look into weekend childcare? Nanny?

Oh god yes if you’re not married then NONONONONONO. You’d put yourself at a huge disadvantage.

OP says “DH”, don’t think she’s stated that she’s not married.

Short term family finances are just one financial consideration, in terms of the household as a whole and OP and her H personally - PPs have outlined some of the others, eg OP’s long term earnings and pension.

Hi everyone I just want to say I've acknowledge every single one of your replies and I really, really appreciate your input and advice! At the moment I am looking for a baby sitter for the weekends, so I just hope one turns up by the time he starts his new job. I have told him yesterday that regardless of what he does, I will still be going to work so it is just the case of paying for a childminder from both our wages! I am sticking to my guns. I am not leaving my job! I am staying where I am and ultimately like I said, we will both have to pay for the childminder if needs must! Thank you all again.

Yay! Well done Milky! Childcare costs should absolutely be paid by BOTH of you, equally. It took both of you to make the child!

well done milky, that's exactly what I'd do. Don't give up your job and your outlet unless you want to.

HE should likewise be looking for the childcare, or discussing his work pattern with his new employer. He is the one whose unilateral decision has necessitated this.

Well done OP. And make sure he’s also equally involved in getting your DC to and from childcare when you’ve sorted it out.

Glad to read this, but I'd be getting him to pay for the childminder, or make sure he was contributing more to the joint family account to pay for it! And it would be him sorting it all out, not me. He made this necessary, after all!

I've just posted on another thread about wanting to meet someone and get in a relationship. Reading the OP makes me thank my lucky stars I'm single!

I can't imagine someone I loved and who claimed to love me telling me I'd have to give up my job or find another job just because they've decided to get a promotion without even discussing it first!

His actions say that he doesn't respect you, your choice of job or your right to make decisions that affect you as a family.

Life's too short to be dealing with someone like that!