Brave Babes Battle Bus: Sunshine, Roses and Mocktails All Round

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

Summer offers all kinds of challenges for those of us trying to change our relationship to alcohol, pub gardens, summer holidays, school holidays, and apparently there's a big football tournament too. If you want to read where the bus has been so far this year here's the link to the
last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

The Bus is a bit of a Mumsnet institution, but it has an open door policy, no cliques, no judgement, and the welcome is always warm. So hop on and join us.

FuckThat, can we call you FT? You taken the first difficult step and acknowledged it. I won't lie, if you are committed to changing things, then there will be more difficult times ahead, but each small step will be a huge difficulty. You have so much to gain, it's much easier to be a parent when you are AF - I know, I was a single parent, loneliness, wanting to do something adult is a big, BIG trigger. Even this week, I had one day working from home, and I was prowling around the house by lunch time thinking abut drinking.

So, you need to plan, plan things to drink that aren't wine; plan not to have wine in the house; plan to do something that distracts you; plan to put aside the money you save from not buying seven bottles of wine or online gambling and do something special for yourself that you would normally thing too indulgent.

When you're feeling the urge, spend ten minutes here posting. Often the immediate cravings go if you distract yourself for half an hour. You'll get support without judgement here.

FT will be fine thanks thank you so much for replying. I've just got my daughter back so will reply in a bit but thank you

Right today is a new start, I've just had a good chat with my ex and he said he can come over once a week to watch our DD so I can go out to do a class (he lives quite far away so normally has her every other weekend) I've blocked myself from all the gambling sites as well. I'm not buying anymore wine. I complain that I have no life but I'm in such a massive rut and I'm not helping myself. New life starts today, I need to get out there and make it happen and not drinking will help that massively. I will need all the help I can get so I'll be on here updating a LOT!

Hello.

I’m very confused about my relationship with alcohol. I’d like to cut right down.

But I struggle. My job is hardcore. I have two small children. I use it to wind down. I come from a family of drinkers and I think kt has always been normalised for me, daily drinking. As long as you don’t drink in the day or carry vodka in a water bottle in your handbag then all is fine.

Only it isn’t. I mean I’m only talking a glass or two per night. But it is pretty much every night. I’ve been kidding myself on that it’s not that bad but it is. It makes me tired and disrupts my sleep. I thought it was all ok because I don’t drink until the kids are asleep so it doesn’t affect them. But it does. I’m tired and don’t have as much energy as I should.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m wondering if anyone finds themselves in a similar situation.

Bravo FT bravo [sound of clapping and cheering all around]. Well done you for taking a stance, and for setting your determination, that's a brilliant first step.

And welcome Hoose your posts make me think of the 'yets' .... I don't drink in the morning - yet, I don't carry vodka in my handbag - yet, I don't have more than a bottle a night - yet, I don't drink in secret - yet, I don't sleep on a park bench - yet.

You can take any phrase that you use to console yourself into thinking that things aren't too bad, and know that this can be a horrible slippery slope, with the potential to make all those horrible 'yets' a reality. Good on you for starting to tackle it now.

FT well done on blocking the gambling sites. They will destroy you. you will get lots of help here.

Sweet did another 5K today in the pissing rain. this is why I chose to do a sponsored walk for charity as it makes me get out and do it when i wouldnt other wise. My legs feel smoother and perhaps a bit less flubbery but nothing significant yet. I will weigh myself tomorrow and see if I have lost anything.

got the appointment for my brain scan - November 1st. gulp

Thank you Venus and Demented (best wishes for the scan) I'm sitting here drinking squash I ate early this evening as I find the urge lessens massively if I've eaten (normally eat at about 9:30 once I've nearly finished the bottle!) I need ideas to distract myself in the evenings

Morning All.

Good start, FT. Update away!

Hoose welcome, if it's a problem for you, it's a problem. It is so easy for that one glass to become two, then three . . . then that end of the day ritual becomes an end of the day habit. The improvement you will find just in terms of sleep, if you have multiple days off will be worth it alone. But then you'll find that you are more patient with the DC, more focussed at work. I've swapped the bottle glass of wine for Tea Pigs super fruit tea now - I only drink it in the evenings, (it's peppermint in the day!), so it has become something for that end of the day feeling. Last week I was actually a little bereft because I ran out and had to wait two days for my online order. So you can reframe the habit.

Ma, you're doing really well with the km. I hope your scan is ok, it must be so worrying for you.

Another long busy week ahead, I seem to be the only one not down with 'freshers flu', it's hitting early this year, but I won't be complacent, I carry a dettol spray at work - the classroom keyboards must harbour every type of germ!

I'm still struggling with 'one glass would be nice', but there is another voice that is saying, 'one glass would ruin everything' and it's getting louder, to the point that I have had a slight panic, what if I slip? How will I keep everything going if I do? I suppose I need to welcome it. I feel like I should be doing more with my sobriety, getting more done, making up for the years I've lost, or just about made it through. But healing is slow and I need patience.

Anyway, work to be done, dog to be walked. Cath you Babes on the other side.

Morning all
Welcome FT and Hoose how are you feeling today after not drinking last night? It’s the “good” feeling that you have in the morning that keeps you going. Well it does for me
Sweet sounds like you have another busy day ahead.
I’ve woken up a bit later today which is great. I have the day off so I’m going to make the most of it. Just taking my dog out then off to buy holiday clothes. I’m going on hols next Monday yippee!
Have a good day everybody

Argh jealous, Trust, I hope it's somewhere lovely. That's stupid, it's a holiday, you wouldn't have chosen somewhere rubbish! Happy shopping.

Day 40 for me (I think), and 137 for the year, that's over 1/3 of the year af. I'm astounded.

Hi Sweet yes we are going for a cruise round the Med. I’m particularly looking forward to Croatia as I’ve heard it’s lovely.

Fabulous, Trust.

Well, that's another day done, if anyone is struggling when they first get home, it might be because you are thirsty - make sure there's a glass of something non-alcoholic in the fridge. Hunger can also be a trigger, so if you know it will take a while to cook, have something quick to snack on.

Hey babes,

Welcome FT and Hoose

sweet I have also been using the dry Jan app and if I include today, which is day 21, I am on 133 for the year. Also a bit astounded.

trust glad you enjoyed the film, remakes don’t always cut the mustard. Hope you found some good holiday clothes for next week, how exciting!

ma not sure what to say about scan, necessary to rule some stuff out I guess. Hope it is not freaking you out.

I don’t seem to have any boing, if anything I am feeling less energetic than usual. It could be the tablets I have started or the fact that my period is 5 days late or maybe I am just seeing the hangover through. I am just plodding on, cherishing the extra sleep and trying not to project too much.

Love to all x

I had a relatively good day. I got up earlier. I was more productive at work. But work was very stressful and I’m finding it hard not to pour a glass. But I won’t, I’m going to make a cup of tea instead.

Truth be told I’m appalled by how difficult it is.

hoose it IS really hard to break ingrained habits, it can feel like a white knuckle ride actually, especially in the first few days. You are doing great

Thank you.

I worked. I drank tea. I’m now in bed and happy that I managed it. Distraction and keeping busy. That’s it isn’t it?

Hello Everyone! Just read the FT - I’ve been avoiding the Bus for years and in denial about avoiding it! NC for this as I’d like a name just for this thread.

My alcohol consumption has crept up to the point that I can drink 2 bottles of wine and still appear sober. I don’t know why I do it - I panic if there isn’t wine in the house. It ‘gets me through’ an evening? And as many of my friends drink even lower consumption days aren’t non drinking days. I reckon 90 units a week in total... good god. Everyone thinks I’m totally with it and sorted, but I feel like I’m ‘playing’ at being a normal person. Recently consumption has become more regular and I feel run down, have trouble getting up sometimes (I manage it but ugh).

At the weekend a friend of mine had a breakdown and leant on me. I felt like a fraud as I probably need as much help as her! So I’ve decided to cut down significantly. Sunday was fine as I was with DP: 2 small glasses of wine. Last night I was on my own and DP was ill. Thought for sure I’d just go straight back to 2 bottles but I took myself off to the cinema solo, had 1 glass of wine and then onto the lemonade for the rest of the evening.

I’ve basically been in denial for years. I don’t do silly things when drunk and it hasn’t affected my DC (denial - I’m sure I’ve been reluctant to run around playgrounds a few times because of it)/jobs/relationships YET so was easy to be in denial. But I don’t want to keep doing this - it makes me anxious, sad, and recently I feel it physically so much more.

I’ve now downloaded the drinkcoach app and am looking at Mark Bowden’s app - signing up right now! Aiming for no alcohol at all tonight. Have a work do on Wednesday so that will be interesting - will need to come up with a plan.

Everyone here is so amazing - and very real - thank you for being open and sharing your stories. You’ve made me believe I can do this even though it will be a struggle!! Hoping to stay on the bus...

Morning All.

Argh, that tickle in the throat, swimmy feeling behind the eyes. Freshers flu has got me. Bugger! I'm going to have to cancel a trip to France this weekendn(can't risk giving it to my parents).

Well done, Hoose, as Beaches said, the first few days can be really tough and minute by minute. You're building new habits, that will take weeks of conscious decisions. You might find it easier to go to bed earlier? Just to get past that twitchy, 'there's something missing from my evening'-feeling.

EvilAvocados, welcome, you have nothing to lose (except a few lbs) and everything to gain by giving up. You've been doing well so far, but do be careful, going from 90 units to zero will be a big shock for your body, you might need medical support. People may not have said anything to you yet, but that level of consumption can't be maintained - morning after breathe, weight-gain, bad skin, poor sleep, low motivation. If you want to see the physical changes (and for extra support), join Club Soda on Facebook (it's a closed group, only the members will know), the transformation in people after, one month, six months, a year, is incredible - some of the before and after photos look more like cosmetic surgery than 'just' healthy living.

Anyway, find yourself a comfy seat, grab a handful of Opal Fruit (but not the green ones), and hold on tight.

I'm working from home today, so will probably be around quite a lot, because it's a big trigger for me.

In haste from work - just saying hello. All is good, if a bit flat. But sober. Will check in properly later but jusr wanted to leap out and distract Sweet from any working from home WW triggers. Boo!

Hi seeetlathyrus I did wonder about getting some medical support but tbh am embarrassed! Thanks for the advice - I am keeping an eye on how I feel, drinking plenty of liquids and eating more already throughout the day! I feel good so far.

Is it perhaps best to cut down rather than go cold turkey? I was going to have an alcohol free evening tonight but - and this is a genuine question - is it thought to be better for the body to go down to less rather than none? I’m also googling this.

Weirdly my BMI is 19 and I have good skin! I know the other symptoms you mention are very true though. I just want to stop before my body stops being able to ‘get away’ with it. I feel my mortality.

Good luck with working from home! Would having background music/a food based treat at the end of the day help? Or maybe working from a quiet cafe so you’re around others?

Sorry that comment about weight and skin may have been unhelpful and I apologise as it was probably insensitive. Weight and skin are the least of my issues right now.

Small, thank you, too ill to drink!

Avocados, no, it was me making assumptions! Anyway, big klaxon alert, I am not a doctor, I am also someone who has gone from one or one and a half bottles a night to nothing. I think medical advice might be to graduate your withdrawal, but if you are doing ok, and aware of your body, that's ok. As for distraction and treats, I am on my second magnum - my bmi is NOT 19 , and I live in the sticks. Not to worry, I made it through, day 41 (?), ready for an early night.

hi all and welcome evil
I am so fucking pissed off. I have walked 25K, cut down on booze and been eating healthy meals and I haven't lost a single ounce. Not one!
I actually cried I was so disappointed. Everyone bangs on about exercise working miracles etc but so far I am finding it boring makes my legs ache and is having no positive benefits whatsoever.
Feel like just getting pissed

After lurking for an age, I’m plucking up courage to board the bus - looks around for a seat at the back, waves hello to all the babes. OK so been AF for just over 3 months now, after a lot of arguments with myself, bargaining and thinking there must be ONE permutation of moderation I can actually do. But no. Apparently not. Apparently there’s a switch in my brain that gets thrown with one drink. I can’t say I had any big monent of epiphany or a ‘rock bottom’. I just got bored with the low-grade anxiety, the guilt and the awareness I’d a problem even though I seemed fine. So: I bloody miss alcohol but I’m still not drinking. I get real pangs seeing people who can moderate.... bloody moderating! First AF party was sort of nice, and sort of weird. Nice knowing I wasn’t burbling sh*te after a certain point in proceedings - or at least if I was, I couldn’t blame booze. Will it last? I’m having good and bad days in terms of feeling tempted. It’s been great just reading all the posts from all you amazing babes, though it’s taken me a bit of time to pluck up courage to come on board.