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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

URGENT! IM NOT SAFE

55 replies

kristrose · 09/06/2018 20:01

my boyfriend is controlling,mentally and physically abusive. weve had a massive row over me not wanting his friends to come over because him and his friends girlfriend gawk over each other and flirt in front of my face. as soon as they come over he starts with the name calling. I'm sick of him. I'm pregnant with his second child and recently hes started being abusive. he started slapping me. a few weeks ago he gave me a black eye,hes a mean controlling bully and ive had enough. ive kicked him out but he has a key and i don't want him coming back here. if i ring 101 on him will they tell him he cant come back to my house? i want the police to know about this. I'm sick of him pushing me around and making me feel like shit. I'm done,me and my children don't need this negativity or abuse in our lifes. i don't want them growing up thinking that this is okay,he calls me a fat slut,im hanging and lazy bare in mind I'm not allowed to leave my house and if i do he kicks off so i just stay in to avoid arguments. what can i do to make sure he doesn't come back here? he has a key but i want him gone!! enough is enough,im not being scared everytime we argue because he snaps and slaps me. I'm done. what can i do

OP posts:

Redglitter · 09/06/2018 20:02

You know what you need to do. Phone the Police. Report him. Have him removed from your house

JazzyJelly · 09/06/2018 20:02

Are you in danger? If so, call the police now. Don't underestimate him.

Lifebeginner · 09/06/2018 20:03

Call the police please. So sorry this is happening to you.

LadyFlumpalot · 09/06/2018 20:03

If you believe you and your child are in imminent danger then 999. Domestic abuse is a crime.

Orchidflower1 · 09/06/2018 20:03

Is there somewhere you and dc1 can go tonight and call 101 when you get there? If not I’d lock him out/ bolt etc so won’t work withkey.

Adviceplease360 · 09/06/2018 20:04

Call the police, change the locks and protect yourself and the kids.
Hope he dies

HappyGirl86 · 09/06/2018 20:04

Ring 999, not 101 if this is urgent

TheHobbitMum · 09/06/2018 20:05

Absolutely call the police, now! You can and will be protected. Well done for making the step to a new life without him

BlueTrousers · 09/06/2018 20:05

Call the police
Or is there somewhere you can take your children to instead? Just don’t be there when he gets home rather than risk something happening

Iflyaway · 09/06/2018 20:05

I'm not allowed to leave my house

Phone the police NOW!

Please do!!

GertrudeCB · 09/06/2018 20:06

Police now. Your absolutely doing the right thing.

BakedBeans47 · 09/06/2018 20:06

Please call the police now xxx

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 09/06/2018 20:06

Do you own or rent your house and whose name(s) are on the mortgage/ lease?

If you put your key in the inside of the lock will that block him opening from the outside?

Do you have any friends or family who can come and stay tonight?

Call the police now and tell them everything. If he tries to return call 999 immediately.

SoddingUnicorns · 09/06/2018 20:06

Can you put a key in the lock so it can’t be opened from outside? Or put the snib on? You can call the police and report what he’s done, and also have him removed if he does turn up.

jigglepiggle · 09/06/2018 20:07

As above, call the police right now. Well done for not putting up with his shit anymore. You and your kids deserve better.

ohfourfoxache · 09/06/2018 20:07

999 now. Please. Don’t run the risk of waiting

Atetoomanyjaffacakes · 09/06/2018 20:09

Please call the police

Miladamermalada · 09/06/2018 20:09

Call the police. I've been with a man like this. In the meantime can you lock and leave the key in the door, or put a deadlock on? Ring a locksmith asap x

Motherduckling · 09/06/2018 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerfectPenquins · 09/06/2018 20:09

Is there anyone you can call to be with you tonight? He has a key but is he on the tenancy or anything? If he shows up call the police- do not wait make sure the doors and windows are locked and if he shows then call them and tell them everything he has done. Start making official complaints for his behaviour. You can call women’s aid now for support if you feel up to it.

PurpleDaisies · 09/06/2018 20:09

Call the police.

SickofPeterRabbit · 09/06/2018 20:10

Call Women's Aid 08082000247 They will help you! They are a hell of a lot more than a helpline!

Also, NCDV can get you an emergency Non Molestation Order (injunction) and an Occupation Order to keep him out of the house. They will also get you a prohibited steps order, preventing him from ever taking your child, regardless of his name being on birth certificate. All within 48 hours and all covered by Legal Aid under the Domestic Violence Gateway. He won't know anything of it until he is served the orders by a Court Rep. if he breaks any one of these orders, he will get a 5 year prison sentence. NCDV phone number is 08009702070

Meanwhile, Women's Aid can keep you safe!!!! Please, please call them x

Original poster

kristrose · 09/06/2018 20:11

he hasn't been abusive today,just name calling. ive had enough now. somethings changed in him,when we argue if i say one wrong thing he snaps and he looks like the devil and that's when hell slap me. my lg is over her nanas tonight so shes safe. but im worried if he comes back. last Saturday i went over his sisters for a half hour before coming home (when he wasn't even home yet) and he kicked off about that only two days ago he started speaking to me again. hes so controlling and horrible,hes a bully and he needs help. hes even been kicking off and calling me a slut because i had a coloured man delivering our daughter cause i needed help and had a ventouse. would your partner kick off over that? most boys would be thankful and grateful he helped and that you got the baby out safe but nah not him! i just want him out of my life,i don't want him to be around our son when hes born cause hes not a good role model. my daughters already seen enough and heard enough and it stops now. thank you all and sorry im babbiling on im done and need to get this off my chest,im gonna ring the police now and give you guys an update.

OP posts:

MycatsaPirate · 09/06/2018 20:11

Is this your property? Either owned or a single tenancy agreement? If so then you have every right to ask him to leave for whatever reason.

However, in this case, no matter whose property it is, you need to be safe. Call the police, get them to come over and see you and ask them to ensure he is informed not to return to the property.

Kittykat93 · 09/06/2018 20:14

Please call 999 not 101. He needs to be out of your house immediately

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