URGENT! IM NOT SAFE

[kristrose]

my boyfriend is controlling,mentally and physically abusive. weve had a massive row over me not wanting his friends to come over because him and his friends girlfriend gawk over each other and flirt in front of my face. as soon as they come over he starts with the name calling. I'm sick of him. I'm pregnant with his second child and recently hes started being abusive. he started slapping me. a few weeks ago he gave me a black eye,hes a mean controlling bully and ive had enough. ive kicked him out but he has a key and i don't want him coming back here. if i ring 101 on him will they tell him he cant come back to my house? i want the police to know about this. I'm sick of him pushing me around and making me feel like shit. I'm done,me and my children don't need this negativity or abuse in our lifes. i don't want them growing up thinking that this is okay,he calls me a fat slut,im hanging and lazy bare in mind I'm not allowed to leave my house and if i do he kicks off so i just stay in to avoid arguments. what can i do to make sure he doesn't come back here? he has a key but i want him gone!! enough is enough,im not being scared everytime we argue because he snaps and slaps me. I'm done. what can i do

Do you have any proof, messages etc that you can show someone to support your allegation that he’s been abusing you. I believe you, but it may make it easier to keep him out if you can prove it to the authorities. Women’s Aid is the best bet. However, I’ve found the police to be very good in circumstances like this. If your local force has a zero tolerance policy, once you call them it will be out of your hands, they will press charges. Sometimes it is left up to the woman to decide but I think they get so many who change their mind and won’t proceed that it becomes frustrating to them so some forces have adopted this approach to safeguard women and their children. They will be able to help you. Stay safe.

If your daughter is out, pack a bag and leave now! Why would you even contemplate staying? And name calling is abuse.

You poor thing

You must call the police and then women’s aid once you have spoken to the police, because I don’t know how urgently the police will act as I have no experience of this. Please call both of them and get yourself out of the situation.

I’m so proud of you, truly, for knowing your worth and knowing that your and your children deserve so much more than to be treated like this by this despicable pathetic piece of shit.

Please don’t lose your resolve my dear, these parasitic arseholes will do what they can to cling onto you so they have a comfy home and victims they can use to bully and control.

You know your worth. Make sure that the last time you saw him is the last time he ever gets to call himself your partner.

From the use of your word hanging I'm guessing you are in Manchester. I am too and I've been a victim of abuse. I will help you if I can, inbox me.

Women's aid can send a locksmith round free of charge if you would struggle to afford it.

Is his name on the tenancy/mortgage?

Call 999 and get some help, you really shouldn't be thinking about updating us as a second to calling Police.
Make sure you are safe.

Do everything you must to keep you and your lo safe. Good luck, be brave, you got this!

Hope the police helped, if he's out can you just grab some stuff and go ?

Call the police. Tell them everything. The entire pattern of his abuse (not just individual assaults) is a crime - coercive control. The name calling, kicking off, accusing you of cheating, making you afraid to leave the house... I'm sure there's more you haven't told us.

It's not your job to gather evidence before you call the police. That would put you in danger. Call them now. But do make sure you tell them everything. If for some reason they're not taking you seriously, point out that it's coercive control and that should buck their ideas up.

If/when he shows up subsequent to that, call 999.

Don't mess about. It's a police matter. They have to act. They have to protect you.

Call the emergency 999 number, you need to get out of there as fast as your legs can carry you and baby. Do you have family you can go to? Make sure you take documents etc if you have the time. Women's Aid might be able to offer advice too after you've called the police.

Please do contact women's aid. They are a source of support for all aspects of this, from pointing you in the right direction to get legal advice, financial help, even just a chat when you're not feeling strong.

You can do this, the first step is always recognising that what he is doing isn't right, which can be very difficult in the midst of it.

op

Also make sure you log out of MN and delete your history.

No need to update either.

Do log everything..This will help prevent him been able to get back in the house and safeguard the children.

Re putting a key in the lock - do turn it either way once it is in, otherwise it may just fall out!

Refuge?

Is it your house or his?

Just get out. It doesn't matter how you do it! Call 999 not 101 if it's urgent. Time to put on your big girl knickers and get out for good.

Hi there OP,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

@kristrose Are you ok????

Probably better not to tag her on the thread just in case he sees it.

Are you ok OP? I do hope you phoned 999 and are getting the help you need to get out. X

thankyou all,im going to ring the police now and just tell them,this cant keep happening im sick of the name calling,the abuse how controlling he is. my friend was scared to come here just incase he done something to her car. hes a lunatic. i think of how much i love him and how much i want this relationship to work but then i look at my daughter and think to myself would i be happy if she was in a relationship like this or would i want her to have a boyfriend like her father? i need to put my kids first,yes she loves him but im sure shell thank me when shes older that i didn't allow his toxic horrible behaviour around her and she didn't haave to grow up seeing her mum get hit and abused

OP you said you were calling the police two and a half hours ago. Why haven't you? You don't need to keep updating with long paragraphs on here (although carry on if it helps) . You need to be taking steps to protect yourself and your children. Now. Call the police please and be safe.

Tomorrow get the locks changed, or get a family member to help you. Do you have standard barrel locks like this? Watch the video, it's easy and cheap.

Be strong.