Apparently sleeping with a prostitute on your stag do is ok

[Somekindoflove]

DP of over a decade told me tonight that sleeping with a stripper on your stage do is totally ok as long as they are attractive. He’s drunk. I am absolutely fuming and he can’t ujdrrsrand why. We aren’t married and have three children together. I am full time carer for our last child who is disabled. Therefore I have no means financially to leave. I am raging. Can anyone give me some advice? Pls tell me I’m not over reacting.

Stag do.

Is this hypothetical or a confession?

His brother in law did it with his sister. And he still let him marry her. He told me “if you brought me two girls that were attractive why not”
He said this because the girls were ugly. I’m dumbfounded.

Exposing his mind set. I’m so angry and he’s tutting at my reaction. Just need to know I’m not crazy.

Well, you're not married, so it presumably hasn't happened. Have you both been drinking? I'd leave it and discuss another time.

He sounds like a twat.

Surely another time I wouldn’t get such an honest opinion.

I'm so sorry!! That's just awful OP, I am literally raging at mine for just telling me that the lap dance he had on the stag do 7yrs ago was in fact a hand job by a prostitute in the red lighting district .. it's shit it truly is

He sounds like a twat to me also. He doesn’t seem to know what he’s said wrong. Perplexed. Does that mean I can sleep with a stripper and it’s fine too? Funny he couldn’t answer that.

So Sorry I shouldn't have said that, there's no reason to think your partner would do that OP but I get your need to know WTF

You are not married
You have 3 children
You are financially dependent
Why?

He had an emotional affair and kissed a girl at his last work place. Just started a new job and I’m feeling worried about it. This comment just heightens my anxiety.

Agreed. Disgusting comments. Absolutely vile that he let his brother in law do that to his sister.

Lola my last child is disabled and needs full time care. He is only 2. I have 3 to 4 appts at hospital at week. I can’t work and only just been able to apply to his disability allowance. It’s such a long process.

Pls tell me I’m not over reacting.

It's not just that his views are horrible (though they are), it's that he's speaking to you in such a disrespectful way.

Long term you need to figure out a way to make it work so you can dump the arsehole.

Maybe he thinks its okay for other people to do - like his BIL. And as for "letting him marry her" , his sister is not his posession, its not down to him if she marries the BIL and not his place to 'let him' . She might have been aware of it ?

Are you likely to marry this man?

Not now. Apparently he was just joking and I’m over reacting. Now it’s my fault.

So disrespectful for one and completely disgusting for two.
Since your not married yet I'd have this firmly in mind for whenever you do plan to marry especially knowing he's already had an emotional affair with someone. As for your BIL situation, it's not his place to allow the marriage but if i were the sister I would have expected my brother to tell me information like this so I could make my own decision!
Drunk people speak honest words imo (and from experience) so I'd be thinking this means he gets a 'free pass' as such on his stag do too since others have done the same. Definitely needs a frank and honest sober conversation.

He’s a pathetic excuse for a man if he’s not bothered by his BIL having done that to his sister.

If he thinks it’s OK on a stag do, I’d assume he thinks it’s ok to do when you’re not married...and you’re not married.

I’m very sorry about DS and I’m sorry it makes situations like this much more complicated, but after his emotional affair (& I’m not sure I’d believe it was only emotional), this stupid attitude and how worried you are, I’d be kicking his arse out. I’d rather have to ask for benefits and other help than live with a git like him and the more he gets away with and the harder life is with DS the more he will feel ‘justified’ doing as he pleases. I’d rather cope alone than have that.

I’m sorry 🌷

Whether he's joking or not the drink has loosened his tongue and now you know!

In the morning you can tell him he's an arse - he's probably one of those what happens on the Stag Do stays on the Stag Do types.

Are you worried about his fidelity?

He is completely incorrect.

Paying for sex is never acceptable.

If he’s had a drink, I would revisit this conversation when he’s sober.

Maybe he was just joking? I can't really think why any man wpuld think it would be ok to think and say this to their partner if they actually felt that way.
Disgusting if he does.

He doesn't seem to like or respect women very much. Sorry OP.

LovingLola to be fair, being financially independent with 3 children is a tough ask.
You would need to be on over 45k at least I'd imagine. Which you could probably only get if you trained a bit and therefore had a bit of support with the 3 kids.
I've been "independent" for years and marriage will clip my wings as I lose tax credits.

I’d voice record what he’s saying and play it back to him when he’s sober