How to get hubby over my NUMBER

[BusyBeeMummy1]

LONG story curlt straight down. Im from an indian background. Had my 'wild' years then met a great guy through mutual family friends as a dinner party. We got married 5 months later and really happy. This was a few years ago. However him and I have kept a dark secret which I can only discuss with MN for advice.

I wasnt a Virgin when we married, but he was. I didnt think my past had any place in my future and he never asked prior marriage. A few months into our marriage and he saw some olddddd messages from a guy. This opened a can of worms. He forced me to tell him about my past relationships and sexual partners. I told him and he was devestated. It rocked us and I feel like to this day its affecting our marriage. He isnt emotionally connected to me anymore. We have good days where things feel normal ans we have bad days where he will say oh well Im not the one screwing X amount of people. How can i resolve this problem once and for all because i always try to brush it under the carpet but i see its just lingering. I really feel this is causing a breakdown..he says you lied to me in the beginning how can I trust you

Thanks

But he was a virgin himself - so how can it be misogyny? It seems like he just wanted/expected them to be equal on that front.

It's misogyny because instead of accepting that this is his deal breaker and walking away, or getting himself counselling, he instead has used something the OP can't change as a stick to beat her with.

It's really strange how folk have completely internalised such misogynistic bullshit that they fail to realise that a man's feelings about a woman's virginity are HIS problem. HE is responsible to deal with them.

...sex is the most intimate you can be with a person, not just physically but emotionally too, it creates a bond between 2 people thats deeper than any other. (i appreciate depending on your view of sex and relationships this may not be how YOU feel, but it is how i feel, and how OP's husband may feel) As such i only want to be with one person in my life, it is why at 28 i am still a virgin..

Since you haven't in fact ever had sex; how would you know for sure that it creates a bond that's deeper than any other.

Many many people have sex and find the bond that it creates (if any) quite weak and short-lived ... it's other things e.g. like-mindedness, shared values, humour, interests, comfort in each other's company. feeling like the person has their back and genuinely cares about them, integrity, going through times of difficulty etc. etc. that makes many people bond deeply. Sex can be almost irrelevant, certainly it becomes less and less important for many people as they age too.

Reading your post makes me feel like you've been told that very insistently (perhaps by a family/religion that wants you to be 'chaste') therefore you believe it.

Did you have sex before marriage?
If you did then he is being a hypocrite.