What would you do? RE 'on a break'

[bitsnbobsss]

Without giving too many details, I want to know this... if your partner said they needed "some time apart to think about things".. but said we'll definitely meet up in a month or so and discuss things.. would you just let him have his space and not contact him at all? It's been nearly 2 weeks for me now and I haven't contacted him, because I want to respect his wish for time apart. Another part of me feels really mad though - if he needed this time why didn't he actually break up with me? It makes me want to end it before he can!

So yeah my question is would you leave them alone for a month or two (providing you don't have children or live together, etc)? Or do they not deserve that amount of time? Helpppp

I he hasn't contacted you at all in that time then I think I would prepare for things to be over. You can still hear what he has to say in a month if you still want to but yes, I agree, i would end it I think. Take back control :)

Fuck that

Sounds like it's over and he didn't have the courage to tell you op.
Unless there are other factors you have not mentioned,then he is taking the pxxxx.

You realise he’s off shagging other people don’t you. Don’t contact him, then if he contacts you in a month tell him to fuck off. Leaving you hanging for a month is just rude.

Yes finish it before he does. If he realises he's made a terrible mistake he'll need to do huge amounts of apologising and you can decide whether to accept it. But IME 'a break' usually leads to a break up.

That's so disrespectful of him, not even checking in with you and expecting you to wait for him. You deserve better than that.

Oh hell - I'd be contacting him.
'Dear Ex, this time apart has been a real eye opener for me. I actually don't want to be with you ever again. So I'm blocking you now on everything. Please don't try to contact me.'

When my ex (I was much younger!) did this periodically I would hang around waiting and hoping and begging him to come back to me...

It was just a way of going off and shagging loads of people before coming back to me for a bit.

Don’t wait. Start getting over him now.

That's shit, he's clearly looking for someone else but likes having you to fall back on. You can do better than that.

I would probably send a text and say 'I've had time apart and I don't want you back, so don't bother getting in touch with me. I'm blocking you.'

'On a break generally means the man gets to go off and have guilt free shags, but will be outraged if the woman so much as looks at another man. You should make the break permanent and move on.

Thanks everyone. @hellsbellsmelons that made me laugh! I think I should do that but I wouldn't have the balls to block him. The sad thing is aside from this he hasn't really done anything wrong (nor have I). It almost came out of the blue really, we've discussed together why he thinks he needs some time apart but before that everything was fine.

For some extra context we've had a small 'break' before, but in that one I was more needy and persistent. He came back and booked us a holiday the following week, and I'd say the time between then and now has actually been the best year of our entire relationship.

I'm utterly confused. But thank you so much for the advice, I think I'm slowly building up the courage to just leave him alone (forever)

Fuck that for a game of soldiers! Time apart to think?! If he wanted to be with you, he would. He sounds immature, not right for you and very fucking entitled. Does he look like James Dean with a foot long schlong?! He’s expecting you to wait around like a sacrificial lamb until he makes up his kind in his own sweet time?! GET RID! My best friend is in pretty much this situation and it’s taking every millilitre of energy not to stick a rocket up her bum and tell her to fuck him off (although I have been candid, I just want to be there for her and hope she makes the right decision). It will sting in the short term, but PLEASE believe me this man is not worth your time or effort. Get on living, and forget this asshat. There’ll be a man who will move heaven and earth to be with you. And if not? Infinitely preferable to some dithering plonker. You deserve MORE!

Sometimes time apart from someone can make you appreciate what you're missing but the fact that he's done this before isn't good, if you did get back with him you couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't pull this stunt again.

The fact he's done this before means that even if he comes back this time you can never be sure he's not going to leave you again. It sounds like times are OK for you and he's behaving like this so what happens when you really need him - you get pregnant, get sick, a relative gets ill? You need someone you can rely on.

For some extra context we've had a small 'break' before, but in that one I was more needy and persistent. He came back and booked us a holiday the following week
OP you're his little puppet on a string! He buggers off, you massage his ego and beg him to come back, he rewards you with a little holiday then buggers off again. He's using you as his ego boost/back up plan.

How old are you both and long have you been together in total?

He's not being fair to you OP. Have you been together long?

We're both in our 20s and have been together 3 years!

Do you want to get back with him?

@NK1 - sadly, yeah I do. If he came back today and said "I've been thinking like I said I would, and I don't want to throw this away, I was dumb" then I'd accept him back with the risks. But the longer I go without contacting him the more I think "eff him, I shouldn't want him back after putting me through this"

But if you take him back, will you give him chance after chance to keep going off to have time to himself or is this going to be the last time?

No fucking way.

A ‘break’ is almost always a bad thing.

If both parties want one it should be pre agreed what it’s for, whether you’re to remain faithful, and when you’re gonna meet up again. A month is a ridiculous length of time. Even if he came back and said I want to be together I wouldn’t bloody want a man who needed an entire month to talk himself into being with me!

Seriously, just end it. He’s ambivalent about you and the relationship, it’ll crush your spirit over time and end anyway.

He's out exploring his options. You deserve better than that.

He'll be out shagging other women and getting away with it while you sit there patiently waiting for him to come back. I'll bet any sum you care to mention that the holiday was a guilt thing last time.

I would also bet my house that you're not going to end up walking down the aisle with this guy, so cut your losses now and find somebody who will treat you with respect.

Also it goes without saying don't take his word for it if he comes back and says he's not been shagging other women. Make him wear a condom.