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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is sex a deal breaker?

67 replies

Jamiem80 · 01/06/2018 23:00

In the last 5 years I've had sex with my wife three times, once in the last three years. Initially this was down to our children who are now 5 and 8. Obviously the dc are at school and almost always are at school 8-6 as I drop them off and pick them up. My wife is a SAHM though she takes part in several groups and classes. After getting home I do cook all meals, washing up, laundry, ironing and cleaning most nights I do not finish before 10pm and 5 nights a week my wife goes out too classes. The other two one is date night where I cook us a three course meal and give her a massage the other is her pamper night. We have talked about the situation recently and I suggested she reduced her classes and she could go more at home, I also mentioned sex. Her response was that I was an abusive pervert.Really not sure how to proceed I don't want to think she's wrong but I'm struggling like this.

OP posts:
NoSuchThingAsAlpha · 01/06/2018 23:08

OP, what, exactly, does your partner bring to the relationship?

princesstiasmum · 01/06/2018 23:17

You can do better, why do you put up with this, she is using you as a doormat,you need to man up
This isnt a marriage its a slave she wants,
Leave, and find a woman who appreciates you,she has no respect for you
How on earth,did you manage to have any children

PickAChew · 01/06/2018 23:19

What are these classes?

Jamiem80 · 01/06/2018 23:20

We love each other and she supports me when I'm struggling.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/06/2018 23:21

Really ?

Jamiem80 · 01/06/2018 23:28

Her classes are kettlebells, jazz, contempory dancing, aquafit, Zumba and boot camp. There is also her personal trainer and various night classes.

OP posts:
RedLily84 · 01/06/2018 23:29

You must earn a fortune.

RedLily84 · 01/06/2018 23:30

If she’s a SAHM and kids are at work why can’t she do classes during the day?

Jamiem80 · 01/06/2018 23:35

RedLiiy84 I wish, sinply above minimim.wave would be great. Her favourite classes are in the evening

OP posts:
SamHeughansLeftEyebrow · 01/06/2018 23:42

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ittakestwo · 01/06/2018 23:43

Stop doing all the donkey work and down tools. Join a few classes yourself. I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship if I’d only had sex three times in five years tbh.

Daydreamer2407 · 01/06/2018 23:57

Why are the children at home 8-6? And if she's a sahm why does she not pick the kids up? Think this is a bit fake!!

deadringer · 02/06/2018 00:03

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MyYoniFromHull · 02/06/2018 00:06

If you don't get home til 10ish, how is she doing loads of evening classes?

TenThousandSpoons · 02/06/2018 00:06

Why do you do school run if your DW is SAHM?

GladAllOver · 02/06/2018 00:09

Sorry but I don't believe that any reasonable person would put up with this for so long.

Lilifer · 02/06/2018 00:12

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Jamiem80 · 03/06/2018 00:12

I get home around 6ish when I've picked the children up. I do so much because previous advice I've had was that the lack of sex was down to my wife being tired. I don't do everything and as for classes I don't want to appear abusive by refusing her of the chance to go.

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 03/06/2018 00:45

How is the childcare and all the classes being funded by one adult earning minimum wage? That simply isn't possible.

Isadora2007 · 03/06/2018 00:48

Maybe her classes are an affair? Or else how is she paying for these classes on your household sole minimum wage income?

PrizeOik · 03/06/2018 00:53

If this is real...
I would not continue marriage with someone who contributed nothing to the family in terms of childcare, housework or a wage, AND didn't want to have sex with me.

MMmomDD · 03/06/2018 01:32

Surely - this isn’t real?
Min wage can’t suport this level of excercise and personal training sessions too...
Also - this totally selfless H - works all day - then cooks, cleans, irons.... 5 night/week.
And 3course dinner/massage for his spouse
And her 1 pampering night
All with total absence of sex....

If this turns out to be true - i’ll have to start to believe in Unicorns

PolkaHots · 03/06/2018 01:44

I have literally never met a man who will regularly give massages without it leading to sex.

flowerygirl · 03/06/2018 02:46

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m0vinf0rward · 03/06/2018 07:11

Kick her to the curb pronto. She's just taking the piss and you know it. Have a little self respect and DTB.