Is there anyone here whose mother permanently walked out when they were a child?

[Poker888]

And the father got full custody? What was your experience? I'm looking to see if there are any others like me?

Yes - mum left when my sister and I were 9 and 7. We lived with Dad. Saw mum 1-2 a week. Very strained relationship with her now. It's absolutely affected my relationships with both men and women in my life.

My dad didn't have to fight for custody, mum simply left him for another man and went on to have two daughters with him. She left this man when one girl was 2 and whilst she was pregnant with my other half sister. She is now single, but has two very close male friends. Who knows what the deal is with them. I see her about once a month. I'm trying to build a closer relationship with her. I've always been close to my half sisters (and of course my actual sister). I love them all to pieces. It's my mum I have 'issues' with.

I'm interested to hear other people's experiences.

I'm mid thirties now, if that's important. Mum was 40ish when she left dad. We are talking early 90's when this all happened. I was the only one at school who lived with a single Dad! Teachers and friends' mums were all horrified!

Yes, they split up when I was very young, dad moved out, mum looked after me til I was five, then left to go to college then uni hundreds of miles away, and they swapped places. So he moved back in and raised me . He was not an especially good father, I am scared of him to this day. Now he is raising my own son. I moved in with mum as soon as I could but she's been dead for years now. I hate life so much tonight

My mum was left with her dad when she was 8. Her mum ran off with another man who she had 2 more children with. Now 50 plus years later the relationship has never fully recovered ... she goes to see her mum out of duty but nothing more.

Yes she left when I was 4, we saw her once a week, went to three times a week when my dad struggled with childcare. That's if she didn't cancel.
I lived with her for a while as a teen though, but now I've not had any contact with her for 4 years.
Since my DS was born I could never understand how she left us.

I am 40, so mid eighties he was on his own. Like pp, I was the only one. I don't have many childhood memories but I knew I was different. I thought I got on ok though until I had my son and I lost everything. And realised where things had gone wrong

Not me but my boyfriend. He has about 8 half brothers and sisters from his mum. He isn't in touch with any of them. His dad and (later) his stepmum brought him and his 2 brothers up.

It's very much formed part of who he now. Lots of issues he has had to overcome.

My ex's mum walked out one day when he was about 12; took his sister but not him.

I remember him telling me that anyone who wronged him was just dead to him, and it seemed like he was closed off as a result of what happened. Quite emotionally dead, in all honesty.

I'm early 30s. She left me when I was under 1! Dad got full custody, which is virtually unheard of as I was so young.
I lived with her for a bit as a teenage but quickly moved out.
I am now NC and have been for almost 10 years. If anyone asked about her I say I don't know who she is.

LoveMy how come your df is now raising your own son & you're with your mum? That sounds really difficult.

Thank you to those who've contributed so far. I didn't have weekly visitation or anything when my dm left. The first time I knew about it was when I got up in the morning and she wasn't there. We just had to get on without her. My df was useless, we had to fend for ourselves. He molested me and there was no-one there to do anything about it.

Wow Splodge Do you know the reason she left?

I have had MH issues since he was born, he's now 14, and his father took him via court, but he's chosen to live with my dad. My son now doesn't want much to do with me, just tolerates my calls and won't see me. Won't tell me why

I have name changed to reply as apart from the writing style (but no idea what she’d ‘sound’ like on the internet) you could be my mum or aunt. She then left when I was 9 but this was a lot to do with her feelings about her ability to parent and her self esteem in general and we have a wonderful relationship now. I feel like a rubbish mum a lot and never know if I am better staying than going. My mother and I chose very sensitive, hands on dads who adore their children in a very practical, stereotypically maternal way though.

Not entirely similar, mum gave me to my grandparents, and I probably saw her once a week. I'm 32 now and it's only recently dawned on me how unusual the situation was and how troubled my mother was.

Wow Namechange I'm amazed you have a wonderful relationship now. I couldn't imagine that myself. I've been nc for ten years now but I think about her. I'm thinking of writing to her asking for answers.

She has more than redeemed herself and the hideous misery memoir worthy childhood her mum left her with makes most things forgivable I think. She thing I am struggling with at the moment is that she has just made up with her mum after being no contact for 20+ years but I am trying to understand

My friend's DM walked out when he and his several siblings were small. They were from a very working class/deprived area of the North. He says it made him extra determined to make something of his life despite this. He is now married, lives in the USA in a huge house with pool etc, and is CEO of a multi million dollar international company. Still very close to his family back in the U.K., especially his DF and step mum, and visits regularly.

Yes, she left for another man when I was 5. I don't speak to her anymore because she's a compulsive liar.

My mum left 4 of us for another man. The youngest was 3. Never saw her after that. My DSIS went to stay with her for a while when she was 16 and started to ask her about but she got shut down "I've laid that ghost to rest"

Yeah maybe she had but that didn't help us little ones. I have no memory of her. I'm 49.

In fact my mum didn't show up for the custody hearing so dad got full custody despite being an alcoholic. Sad state of affairs

My mother ran off with my best friends father when I was 14.

Changed the course of my life.

I'm one of five and my father got custody. He passed away 14 years ago and my mother lives in Spain. No justice!

I should add that we have a great relationship now and I understand why she left.

I was youngest of three when mum left. I was less than 2. Brother was 4 and sister was 8. Saw her a few times after she left. Then, nothing. Still, nothing. We were all raised by our dad and paternal nan.
We don't know if she's dead or alive. Her own family don't know if she's dead or alive (recently been in contact with 2aunties and a cousin on her side). Her mum passed away about 2 years ago. She didn't attend funeral. We found out afterwards.
I now have 2 children and although it's hard at times (half term for instance 6!) I could not leave my boys. My dh really wants to find her.
An unusual situation and I know no-one IRL in a similar situation......watching/reading with interest.
Not sure any of my questions could be answered by her though.

Oh my goodness. Much love to you all. I looked at this thread as a relative of mine walked out on her children aged 4, 3 and 18mths in the 90s. Didn't see them for about 6 years and then only occasionally. They have reasonable relationships with her now, although a bit up and down I think.

Yes my mum left when my sisters and I were all six and under and my dad got custody. We saw her every other weekend.