Sick of him talking about other women

[NormskiNamechange]

My DP is really starting to annoy me. He is regularly going on about how attractive other women are. In the last five days he has told me how attractive he finds colleagues’ wives, people on tv and other people he met at the weekend. This morning I’ve had a monologue about how ‘fit’ a particular actress is.

It’s really starting to annoy me and makes me feel like shit, as he NEVER compliments me.

I am starting to really suffer with my self esteem, which is a problem I didn’t have before this relationship.

I know men will all find other women attractive. I find other men attractive but I don’t go on about how attractive they are to him all the time.

I’ve told him I don’t like it but he says I’m overreacting.

I’d be grateful for your views as to whether I should just try to let this wash over me.

Why would you?
He's is knocking your self-esteem every time he does this.
He never compliments you.
What are his good points?
How long have you been together?

He's trying to get a reaction from you and make you jealous. He sounds a ducking tool.t
He wants you to have lower self esteem so you don't leave him for a better man. Which you should do by the way

My dh has never commented upon the attractiveness of any woman even a celeb in all our years

Thats not normal in my opinion, DP would never comment on another woman being attractive unless it's something I've brought up.

It sounds like he's doing it to make you jealous. I'd tell him to stop doing it, that its disrespectful and making you feel like he's not happy with you, and if that doesn't work start doing the same about men and see how he likes it!

Same as Mellie my DH has never done this
I've never done it either although I'm sure we both notice and or appreciate a beautiful person we've never felt the need to mention it.

Even after over a decade and three children together he regularly tells me how much he loves me and how I affect him, more so when I've most likely looked a right state!

I think you deserve more than this, let him go and ogle at his pleasure alone.

Start talking about how hot you think a particular actor is. Next door neighbour. Someone at work. Someone else's boyfriend... see how he likes it.

Play him at his own game. As soon as he comments about someone, you say that you saw a really fit guy at the supermarket/office/gym. Really defined biceps, nice haircut etc. See what he says then.

We’ve been together for four years but his behaviour is getting worse. Either that or it’s just now starting to grate on me.

I think there might be an element of him trying to bring me down. I’m a lot younger than he is and probably a little bit more attractive than him (not a stealth boast, I’m still overweight and far from beautiful). I don’t care what he looks like, as looks aren’t important to me.

I thought when I was listening to him go on about this actress that I want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make me feel like shit and who makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. Instead I feel ugly.

It's 100% disrespectful. My DH has never done this and you are not overreacting.

Not a keeper, OP.

Next time he is up for intimacy, tell him to go f**k whichever celeb, random he has been mentioning.

No, don't let it wash over you. He's being bloody rude. How would he react if you started doing that to him?
I think I might be tempted to give him a taste of his own medicine.

He never compliments you and has recently ramped up remarks about other women in spite of you telling him you don't like it.
Goady behaviour. What does he hope to achieve?
If after 4 years you can't say to DP,
"That makes me feel uncomfortable",
and have him at least try and understand why, then I can see why you start to feel undermined.

A little while back he was eyeing up women every time we were out. I started doing the same to men (but only those who couldn’t see what I was doing) and he didn’t like it one bit.

I don’t really want to have to play games with a 45 year old man though!

I’m going to speak to him about how disrespectful I find it and if he doesn’t stop, consider leaving him.

My dh has never and would never do this to me. He respects me. If I commented on a woman’s appearance (ie watching the royal wedding I said how lovely Meghan looked) he might comment something along the lines of “yes she does look lovely” but he would never go on about someone being “fit” or commenting on how many women he works with he finds attractive.

Your DP is a dick.

On Friday, we went out for a meal with friends and met a friend’s wife for the first time.

He has gone on for days about how attractive the friends wife is and how it ‘isn’t fair’ that someone so unattractive (his words not mine) can have such a hot wife.

Some men like to make sure their partners have low self esteem because it makes them feel more secure. These men are dickheads.

You can do better. If you need to abuse another in order to feel better about yourself then you need some time on your own for a bit of self reflection - dump him and find a man with secure enough self esteem who can give you the emotional support you need.

He's 45?! I thought you were going to say early 20's. Disgraceful behaviour.

That's disrespectful to the friend and wife, as well as to you. The guy's being a jerk.

How hot, attractive etc do you find your P? Hot & attractive enough for you to ignore him being a jerk?
I wouldn't.

Why would you put yourself through this? He's incredibly disrespectful.

Do you have children together? A house?

No children with him and we both own our own homes.

How bloody unattractive; does he realise he's sabotaging your relationship, maybe that's his goal, either way, I'd kick him to the kerb, creep.

So why are you still together at all?. What is keeping you with this man? All this person wants to do is drag you down with him into his pit.

I'd let this one go.

Four years in and you're seeing the deep-down him.

Insecure, bit letchy, likes to subtly put you down by not complimenting you...

You have no ties, so why not move onward and upwards?

My ex did this. He was in his 40s, I’m younger. I think it was his way of keeping me in my place. My self-esteem was ground down until I hated myself and felt ‘grateful’ he was with somebody as ugly as me. He said it was normal. It really isn’t.