Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can't stop crying.

65 replies

NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 11:25

Please can anyone offer some guidance on this situation.

I have posted about him before.

Started seeing a guy and now we are at around 2 months in. He lives 30 miles from me and he has mostly been travelling to me as he works closer to me than his. Problem we've now got is his company are moving in the next few weeks to 60 miles from me but it will be closer to where he lives.

He is saying he doesn't want to commit to a relationship if we only end up seeing each other once a week. I have a young DD so it's harder for me to go to him in the evenings. I'm just trying to think of some options of how we could make things work.

This is really getting me down as I've fallen for him in a big way.

Or is he just using this as an excuse?

OP posts:
Melliegrantfirstlady · 17/05/2018 11:28

60 miles is a long way. I think he’s being practical.

You have a child so that also complicated things.

If it is meant to be it won’t pass you by

Scrumptiousbears · 17/05/2018 11:31

He is being practical and especially as it's falling on him to do the travelling. Two months is fairly short amount of time and maybe he isn't as invested has you have been. Personally I'd have said 30 miles was quite long for your average relationship to function.

Original poster
NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 11:35

Thank you for the comments but what I'm looking for are options to get around this. I can drive and travel just wondering if it would be fair on my DD to take her with me or ask for a babysitter once a week.

He already knows that I would look in to moving closer to him or us looking at somewhere to live that is more suitable.

I think you could be right that I'm more invested than he is. Wish I'd never met him in some ways

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 17/05/2018 11:39

2 months in is nothing, and I think he is being sensible regarding the travelling.

It is definitely NOT a good idea to take a young child with you on dates! However, if you can get a regular babysitter then suggest you travel to him and see how that pans out?

But 60 miles is a long way to keep going backwards and forwards and 2 months is way too soon in any case for either of you to know if this relationship has legs or not.

Might be just not meant to be.....

Melliegrantfirstlady · 17/05/2018 11:40

It’s worse than I thought given he already knows you will move closer but he has clearly ruled that out.

Tbh he isn’t worth your time

BitOutOfPractice · 17/05/2018 11:43

I think you've got in far too deep, far too fast OP and he's not as invested as you.

I think the "can't stop crying" thing is very extreme after 8 weeks. AS is the thinking about moving to be closer to him / in with him. You have a child. You need to calm down!

Original poster
NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 11:44

He knows it's making me anxious that I don't know what's going to happen. I just want to be able to talk and give him options of what we can do to see each other. Even if it's just 3 times a week until I can move closer.

I was perhaps thinking of renting my house out to rent one closer to him to see how things would work that way. My work location is flexible so it's a bit easier for me

OP posts:
sugarbum · 17/05/2018 11:45

Listen to what he is telling you OP. If he wanted to continue with the relationship, he would be trying to make it work. He isn't. Please don't start on the 'moving near him' route. Or taking DD with you. Its not practical. I'm sorry. Flowers

Original poster
NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 11:45

It's not just me that's saying these things though. Some things he's said he's even talked about an area we could live without me prompting the conversation. He talks about hoping for the future and planning things like Christmas etc

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/05/2018 11:49

Ninky his plans have changed though now. You need to accept that. He's perfectly entitled to say he doesn't want to see you any more. For whatever reason. And I expect your reaction has only confirmed to him that he's made the right choice.

Talking about living together / moving / renting your house out after 8 weeks when you have a young child is just madness. Calm down.

Please don't tell me your DD has met him!

Lightsong · 17/05/2018 11:52

You would move 60 miles away with a young DD just to be closer to a man you have know for 2 months?

Original poster
NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 11:53

He knew this company was moving before he met me so I wish he'd just stayed away. I had no intention of getting involved with someone if it wasn't long term. I haven't mentioned to him about renting my house out etc these are just things I'm thinking about.

Yes he's met her. My whole family have met him and spent a bit of time with him too.

OP posts:
Original poster
NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 11:54

Not 60 miles away no, but closer! He's saying the same thing. I'm feeling like I'm being weird even though both of us are saying it!

OP posts:
Velvetbee · 17/05/2018 11:57

2 months?!

Melliegrantfirstlady · 17/05/2018 11:57

You are only two months in just run now

Lightsong · 17/05/2018 11:58

Yes he's met her. My whole family have met him and spent a bit of time with him too.

Wow. That sounds pretty intense for just 8 weeks.

AgentJohnson · 17/05/2018 12:00

It’s been eight weeks! You’ve over invested way too quickly and you need to calm yourself down. He’s being practical and sensible but he was stupid talking about possible future living arrangements so bloody soon and will have to deal with your over investment as a consequence of that silly behaviour.

Original poster
NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 12:00

@Lightsong it just happened that family events have fallen during the last 2 months so he was invited by them - not me. He wanted to come and meet everyone. We've never seen each other more than 3 times a week.
We text occasionally in the day/evening and sometimes talk on the phone.
It doesn't feel as intense as some relationships I've experienced.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/05/2018 12:01

The fact that you're thinking about it is Too Much!

Really OP, next time you meet someone, take it much much MUCH slower. Especially with your DD. Because this is madness

BitOutOfPractice · 17/05/2018 12:02

So you've met him about 20 times and you're thinking about moving closer to him? Shock

MMmomDD · 17/05/2018 12:03

Two months, and you have a small child...
Please snap out of it and focus on your child.
You haven’t fallen hard for him - you don’t know him.
What you seem to be is really into the idea of a romance, etc.
Moving from your family place, familiar to your daughter for a man you just met.
🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
NinkyNonk1 · 17/05/2018 12:03

@BitOutOfPractice I wasn't expecting to feel like this towards anyone. I can't control what I feel. Things have just happened the way they have. I just wish I'd stayed on my own so I don't have to be in pain over this.

I don't want it to hurt but it's truly breaking my heart

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 17/05/2018 12:05

It doesn't feel as intense as some relationships I've experienced.

Hmm, why doesn’t that surprise me.

MumofBoysx2 · 17/05/2018 12:06

He's putting a lot of pressure on you for such a new relationship. Don't feel pressurised into making more commitment just to suit him. If he's willing to make it work he'll put up with a bit of travel.

Haberpop · 17/05/2018 12:06

He is saying he doesn't want to commit to a relationship if we only end up seeing each other once a week.

He is saying it loud and clear, he is not as invested as you. There are ways of making long distance relationships work if both parties really want to and seeing each other just once a week at this early stage of a relationship isn't that unusual.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread