Please talk sense into me

[banjenjan]

Hi everyone. I am 35 year old who thankfully escaped from an abusive marriage with my life. After two year single I decided to try online dating and met what I thought was a lovely man who I fell head over heals for. We instantly connected and he made me laugh for the first time in so long. I did spot a few red flags but ignored them. Then during the weekend he all of a sudden got very angry about me not being comfortable being completely naked in front of him. This was at 6am in the morning and although I didn't respond he left the house in temper. We had planned to spend the day together but when he didn't return I decided to leave on my own. I was upset driving home and sent him a message saying so and that I didn't see how things could work between us. He later text back saying some very hurtful things including that I had a hideous tummy. I was hurt and knew I couldn't afford to enter another abusive relationship for me and my children's sake. That night the phone calls started and after I blocked him he landed at my house the following day with a letter apologizing and telling me how much he loved me. Thankfully I was not home as I reckon I might of caved had I been. Now I'm hurting real bad and want to give him another chance but I know it's a mistake. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing

You're completely doing the right thing OP. Keep his number blocked and be happy you dodged this one! Saying personal things that would upset you is emotionally abusive!

Hope you're okay x

Please do not let this 'man' back into your life. He is cruel, abusive and unbalanced. You are better off by yourself than with somebody who is ill treating you and I think you know this.

Not that it makes a difference but what were the other red flags? X

Dump his ass immediately. Total and complete tosser! How dare he strop like a child because you didn't do what he wanted and then send a message critising your body. He's telling you exactly who he is so listen and get him to fuck.

Don't waver....he's a cunt. You know, we know it. He's doesn't know it because he's a cunt.

End of.

There's someone special out there waiting for you, don't pass that up for this twonk!

Well of course you are! He sounds horrible.

Horrible (abusive) men are often attracted to women who have previously suffered abuse in a relationship because they are more vulnerable with their boundaries often blurred, making them more susceptible to being suckered in then abused again.

Your fella there tried to take ownership of your body, first by demanding access to it then secondly by insulting it.

Get him and keep him to fuck. Nasty man.

You're luck you've seen the light at an early stage and before you're in too deep. Get out now and don't look back

Please do not give him another chance!
How dare him text you horrible things.

Think of it as a good thing you've seen this side so early. You've had a lucky escape keep running! Xx

Please listen to what everyone else says.

He is showing you who he is. You're hurting just now and feel like you miss him but I bet his comments and actions made you hurt more.
Don't waste any more time on someone who can treat you the way he has.

He’s horrible. He was putting on an act before and now you’ve seen his true colours. I’m actually shocked that he would say such awful things to you, especially as it’s a new relationship.

You are 100% right to walk away - you deserve much better

Thank you everyone so much. I have literally been through so much hell in my previous marriage that I can't believe I came so close to going back into this again. I have made an appointment today to see a therapist as I believe I must have self esteem issues. When we met he completely showered me with compliments which I seemed to fall for hook line and sinker. Then when I noticed he was still on online dating and confronted him he lost the plot telling me he was going to 'fucking delete me from his phone' I was shocked how he could suddenly get like this after all he had said to me. Later that night he rang all apologetic and I forgave him. I didn't tell anyone as I knew what advice I would be given. He forgot his wallet another night we had planned leaving me to foot the bill for everything. Bear in mind we have only been together two months. There were other things too but when he said 'I hope you lose that hideous tummy of yours someday ha ha ha' I could no longer deny it. Yes I feel pretty bad now but at the same time know I have dodged a massive bullet.

Please stay strong and think of your children and I promise you will be ok. It doesn't seem like it tonight but tomorrow is another day.

You've given three examples of such horrible behavior. It would make no sense for you to go back in to an abusive relationship. Think of having to do all that work again to rebuild yourself.

You are beautiful and enough - you don't need him. And perhaps you would benefit from seeing a therapist but don't lose sight of that fact you already know he is bad news. You value yourself but you need to stay strong.

You have an absolutely beautiful tummy 💖 A tummy that was a house to beautiful childeren and so strong and beautiful and sexy too! Xx

A hug and a handhold lass.

Get away from this one. There are decent men out there.

I hope you lose that hideous tummy of yours someday ha ha ha

What a nasty, nasty man. I've been with my Dfiance for 10 years and just broken up. If he'd said this to me after 2 months I'd have definitely kicked his arse into his head. He's never ever said it now, and we're closing this chapter (and mine is very wobbly!!).

You're better than this. Believe it.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I needed to hear them. Hard to understand how one minute he is practically professing his undying love for me and then he sends that. Your right I'm lucky he exposed himself so early on in the relationship. I thought I was falling for him too but I can't see past that message he sent. I won't be unblocking him. Thank you all again

Well done! What a nasty nasty bastard! You know the good guy act was never going to last - you would find yourself in hell!! Good luck OP x

Glad to hear that you're staying strong! You're worth so much more than how he treated you.
Thank god you did the right thing and removed him from your life xx

Definitely stick to your guns. When you weaken, think of the "red flags" and the downright nasty things he said. What a creep. You're well rid of him.

You poor poor thing, it’s difficult to forget such cruel words especially when they’re spoken by someone who is supposed to be kind to you, someone you have let yourself be vulnerable with.

I hope you know he was speaking out of spite, just saying what he thought would hurt you and not the truth. Use those words as your power to stay far away from him now. Don’t let him in again, you and your dc are precious and must be protected from people like this.

Two months in and that’s no great loss in the grand scheme. In time you will come to feel thankful that the idiot revealed himself so soon and that you had the smarts to spot it, therefore wasting far less of your time than you might have on a shit relationship with a horrible man.
Cut your losses on this one. Definitely.

Another voice saying you are 100% doing the right thing.

He's a classic abuser, charming and attentive then showing his true colours. You are absolutely doing the right thing, do not waiver. He picked on you due to the previous abusive relationship, thinking you would be an easy target. You weren't. He doesn't love you, he just wants to control you. Be proud of your strengt, and that you have seen through him and are not falling for his lies.

You have lost your hideous tummy, he's taken it with him. What an arsehole.
As you say, he's shown his hand early so at least you know now. They are not all like this, but take some time to yourself and do what makes you happy for a while. You don't need a man for that