9 years and no proposal

[L2018]

Hi,

My and my boyfriend have been together 9 year so far. I feel like he should have proposed by now. We’ve done everything together, traveled the world, brought a house. We’ve had hard times, two miscarriages, but I feel they have only made is stronger and closer. Money and time isn’t the issue so the whole situation is making me low. I’ve also always been very anti ‘girls proposing’ hate it. Something I would never do. I also don’t want to push it or make it look like I’m putting ideas into his head. How long it too long? I’m ready and feel like we’ve done everything you should do before marriage. What’s the wait?

Most people are reasonable and perfectly willing to split things fairly if they split up right up until the point the relationship breaks down and they actually split up.

I have two kids by two different men, own my own home outright and outearn them both. Not all unmarried women are poor forlorn vulnerable beings

Nobody suggested they were.

@stinkywink finally someone who gets that us mere women can manage on our own!! Thankyou

MissReginaPhilange I'm pleased you're happy in your relationship. And yes, people can be perfectly happy without getting married. But if you split up, you have fewer rights, as others have already stated.

But I suspect you know all this, which is why you're incredibly defensive.

And PS, I got married because I loved my DH and we wanted to start a family. We were teenagers when we got together and didn't bother getting married until our late 20s. I saw no point. But I would never have had children without a wedding ring.

Whether or not you can manage on your own regina, you are not man and wife in any sense of the terms and lots of things would change if you got married. This could be just as much an argument for remaining unmarried, depending on your situation, but the point is you're not going to be able to work out which is best for you if you don't know the legal ins and outs. Which you evidently don't.

Nobody is saying women can't manage alone.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/
If you live together and one of you dies, where a married person could take ownership of a joint account straightaway, you'd only be entitled to half until the estate was settled. If you had separate accounts, you wouldn't be able to access their funds, but married you would be. And so it goes on.

OP wants to get married. No one saying how happy and secure they are by not being married is helpful. Go peddle your “marriage means nothing” stuff elsewhere.

It does. It means a lot. It’s “just a piece of paper” that has significant meaning in the many ways outlined above.

And it’s a big deal. It’s not something one person in a relationship should be bestowing on the other. It’s a serious legal contract not an excuse for a party or a puffy dress.

Yes, 100% to all this. Although I'm not sure OP is coming back anyway...

Regina - it is great that you have fully researched and understand your rights, have your financial independence etc.

Sadly very many people live under the misapprehension that common-law wife exists, and posts like yours saying that marriage changes nothing reinforce that myth.

I have seen many MNers - usually women - who have sacrificed their careers and earning potential to stay home to look after children whilst their partner enjoys career success, buys a house in their name and when the relationship fails they are left reeling when they find that the "piece of paper" would have meant that they weren't left with nothing.

OP I hope that you can discuss marriage with your partner and agree on your future together. If you are just holding out for a big instagram worthy proposal you may find that it is not what he wants.

OP has run off..... 🤨