Women in ltrs, how does your self esteem cope when your dh/ so is attracted to younger women.

[pinkviscose]

Just that really, both in our 40s, married 22 years, dh preference for porn is college age girls. Also have noticed him glancing girls this age when out together, not leering but he's clearly attracted. I've post baby weight and show my age. I obviously have low self esteem and feel terrible that I'm made to feel in "competition" with much younger women. I know it's normal for men to find young women attractive but for me it's so disappointing that my dh has down graded our age group in his sexual tastes and prefers to look at girls more then half his age. Is this just my problem? How do I make myself feel better and not sexually inadequate? Any thoughts, advice?

Id get turned off.

How is your sex life?

Have you tried to turn it around? Have you made him feel what you feel? I would do it if I were you.

Our sexlife is normal, few times a week, I'm adventurous and always try things he's interested in.

You spoken to him about it?

Does he try things you're interested in?

Eww, I couldn’t be arsed with him.

He denied that he looked at younger women, told me I was paranoid. Then I came across his browser history and seen that my feelings were right. Sorry for drip feed but he then admitted he looked at women when we were out and has said he'll make an effort not to, which I think he has, in fairness. But the damage is still done. I now know that's what he likes to look at. It's just so hurtful.

But college age girls really aren't going to be interested in him anyway. It's a fantasy. Tell him that you're pissed off.

Your husband is the problem here

"college age" porn and leering openly after young women...

Stop arselicking this prick, for god's sake...you are demeaning yourself

Give him a taste of his own medicine as PP said. Or tell straight up you find it absolutely vile he looks at women half his age and it's puts you off having sex with him.

Yuk.... horrible for you, OP, imo. I guess biologically it could be understood, but he is married to you and should be focusing on you. I can totally understand why you feel hurt by this. Agree, give him a taste of his own medicine for a change and most him feed on that bitter pill.

let not "most".

Eww remember the leers from "old" 40 plus family men when I was that age. Couldn't have been less interested sad old perves. It would put me right off but don't know what to suggest

Ew. He soinds like a catch. Does he have redeeming qualities?. Im imagining an arrogant prick.

I would be so angry, he must be making those young girls (and their parents) very uncomfortable but you are just jealous???

Thanks all for your replies. He's made me feel it's me that's the problem for years and I've come to believe him and just felt shit in myself. He's a good dad and good provider and otherwise we get on well together, is this a reason to leave? Even though he says he's cut out the porn, I have my doubts because he's lied to me before.

Sorry but instead of concentrating on what he likes, why don't you focus on yourself. You have low self esteem and 'baby weight' as you call it. Why don't you start working on the things you don't like about yourself. Lose those extra pounds, go to the gym, look after yourself. Being in your 40s doesn't have to mean you're not attractive. I'm 42 and have had 2 kids. I run and go to the gym and yes, I'm by no means perfect, but I;m happy with the way I look.
Ignore him and his perving and work on yourself! And do it for YOU not him.

He’s the problem OP not you. You’ve done nothing wrong except have his child and age!

All people fantasise, men and women, but it’s just human decency to keep it under wraps to stop it hurting the other person.

Get some help for your self esteem.
Tell him you like 25 yr old men.
I’m 43, if my ltrs prefers young women he can fuck off & try & find one, I’m not competing. Tell your DP those young girls would vomit if they had to have sex with a Perv like him...
I’m not insulting your DP but that’s what I’d do if I were you here.

I don't think you can help what attracts you, and I do certainly find younger toned bodies more physically attractive than older wrinkly ones.

He is allowed his attractions and fantasies, but it is kind, respectful and decent to keep it hidden from a partner, even more so if they've made it clear it hurts them.

So I would say it's your problem if you're rooting around in his search history to ascertain his private thoughts, but his problem - and inappropriate - if he is gawping at young women in front of you.

3 out of 4 18-24 year olds say they have no religious beliefs.

Why are we plumping up a faith school sector for the children of this generation? It makes no sense, financially or democratically.

Oops, wrong thread, no idea how that happened

Please don’t tell him you like 25 year old men as others have suggested. I couldn’t honk of anything more cringeworthy. I have been in a relationship as long as you and we are similar in age. I think the key is self esteem and confidence. I would work solely on that and shift my focus. There are many ways to work on this. Counselling fitness losing weight good diet meeting up with old friends new hobbies, travelling alone. You can’t change people. Only yourself.

Hang on. OP has already said he's noticeably tried to hide looking at attractive girls out and about. That's about the extent of what he can do, no? He's clearly attracted to his wife and naturally notices attractive women too. I am 46 and I'll absolutely notice good looking lads out and about, I don't think its pervy I think its biologically completely natural for sexual beings which is exactly what humans are.

So, that being said. He's listened and made an effort. Now it's your turn OP. You are in your 40's and that's when women can be at their most shiningly beautiful, with self belief. Time for you to put the work in on yourself.