Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tried to patch things up with friend but not working

33 replies

mooneus · 06/05/2018 17:56

Almost 2 years ago me and one of my closest friends fell out. We patched things up over text but things were never really quite the same, and we went from speaking at least once a day to once every few months.

Today we met for the first time in ages and although the first hour was nice catching up, later the same issues from before cropped up again.

We decided to sit out in the sun. I suggested pick some stuff up from a nearby supermarket. She reluctantly agreed, even though I suggested she could get us a spot while I went. When we arrived at the supermarket, I suggested a few things and she said no to everything. I said maybe it's best if we pick our own things. While I decided on what I wanted she didn't pick anything. The supermarket had a selection of hot food, but she said she didn't want to pay the £3 price. After I suggested a few other things, she refused them all. She then said 'I am hungry, but there is nothing I want'. I gave up and went to pay for my items.

On the way back she said 'Well that was a completely wasted journey'. I didn't know what to say without getting annoyed, so stayed quiet. While we sat out I felt guilty eating, while she had nothing. The atmosphere just got awkward again and conversation wasn't flowing so shortly after we called it a day.

On my way home I received a text from her that said 'Bye!!!'. I didn't know what to read into it, so just replied saying it was nice to see you, hopefully we can meet again soon

It's just a shame as we used to be so close, but I think our friendship has run its course. I would never cut ties but I think we need to accept we will never get back what we had before. Any comments?

OP posts:
Jonbb · 06/05/2018 18:00

Let it go. I had what i thought was a close friend who accused me of fancying her boyfriend and pulled a wobbly on me. Haven't seen her since. Can't be doing with nasty strips.

Jonbb · 06/05/2018 18:01

Strops lol

bigchris · 06/05/2018 18:03

I think her 'bye was cutting ties to be honest

Hassled · 06/05/2018 18:08

Yes, I think the Bye!!! means you won't be hearing from her again. It's sad, but it happens - some friendships just run their course.

HollowTalk · 06/05/2018 18:10

She sounds a pretty crap and passive aggressive friend.

Why wouldn't she buy something to eat? Was she expecting you to give her something? If you visit her, does she treat you to dinner?

Justwanttoweeinpeace · 06/05/2018 18:19

I think you've spent more than enough time on this friendship. She knows where to find you if she needs you.

Rudgie47 · 06/05/2018 18:27

Sounds like she was throwing some type of strop. Everyone can find a few bits to eat out of a whole supermarket. I'd just let her get on with it and leave her alone.

mooneus · 06/05/2018 18:29

Well when we were out we passed a bar and she commented "I bought you dinner there last time", I'm not sure if she was hinting at something

OP posts:
Tenpenny · 06/05/2018 18:30

I think that last text was her putting the final nail in the coffin

Don't bother contacting her again.

MayFayner · 06/05/2018 18:36

Well she obviously felt it was your turn to buy dinner then Hmm

If this is the case then I can see why she wasn't thrilled to go to the supermarket instead of a restaurant.

Smeddum · 06/05/2018 18:38

Did she pay for the meal last time? Did you offer this time? Could that be why she’s pissed off?
You don’t mention the details of the issues from before so I’m just asking for a better idea.

mooneus · 06/05/2018 18:41

She did pay that time, but there's been plenty of times when I paid for her. But this was ages ago, so I can't really remember.

OP posts:
Smeddum · 06/05/2018 18:44

Why did she get annoyed today though? You said the same issues came up, so I’m wondering what they are (broadly, obviously not too specific)

MayFayner · 06/05/2018 18:46

I think the way she said "I bought you dinner" is quite pointed, if she just wanted to remark on the restaurant surely she'd just have said "oh isn't that where we ate last time" or something to that effect.

overnightangel · 06/05/2018 18:46

I think it’s pretty clear she was hinting to go and eat there

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 06/05/2018 18:47

Well she sounds like a barrel of laughs!!
Id just let her strop off into the sunset tbh.

I mean hopefully she was just in a bad mood for some reason unrelated to you and will be fine in the future and the text just meant bye for today....

But if it does mean bye have a nice life... I actually think you are well rid.
I dont think you should enquire what it means.

I cannot stand passive aggressive or emotionally manipulative adults.

Believeitornot · 06/05/2018 18:48

Well if that was last time then this time it was your turn to pay....

You’ve got to maintain turns properly on this sort of thing...

Maybe she was annoyed that she pays for you in nice places and you will only stump up for cheap places.

AmazingPostVoices · 06/05/2018 18:49

What strange behaviour. O’d Let that friendship go.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 06/05/2018 18:50

If someone thought I owed them something and I had forgotten I would expect them to clearly tell me..... not strop off in a huff like a 12 year old girl on the playground

Midthreademergencynamechange · 06/05/2018 18:59

For whatever reason she didn't want to sit outside and eat supermarket food, but she didn't explain anything to you. That is the height of passive agression. She sounds like a complete waste of space. Forget all about it and go and get some emotionally intelligent friends.

sonjadog · 06/05/2018 19:00

She was hinting at something. She thought you should buy her lunch out at a restaurant but instead you went to the supermarket. She was pissed off about that.

Bombardier25966 · 06/05/2018 19:01

I remember your previous threads on friend/ colleague issues. Are they all about the same person or is this a pattern of unequal expectations in relationships?

On this post alone, it sounds like your friend was in the wrong. But my feeling is that there is background to this that we're not aware of.

mooneus · 07/05/2018 08:55

This is the same friend

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2852065-Am-I-Overreacting

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 07/05/2018 10:42

I read her "bye" as a permanent goodbye to the friendship.

After reading both this thread and the previous one, then quite frankly, I'd be glad to see the back of her. She sounds like too much hard work and just not worth the effort.

AmazingPostVoices · 07/05/2018 14:23

If it’s the same friend it sounds like either she didn’t have the money to buy food or her chronic back pain meant that sitting out in the Park was very uncomfortable for her.

Nevertheless given that your entire relationship with her seems to have been filled with drama I’d let this friendship go.