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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tried to patch things up with friend but not working

33 replies

mooneus · 06/05/2018 17:56

Almost 2 years ago me and one of my closest friends fell out. We patched things up over text but things were never really quite the same, and we went from speaking at least once a day to once every few months.

Today we met for the first time in ages and although the first hour was nice catching up, later the same issues from before cropped up again.

We decided to sit out in the sun. I suggested pick some stuff up from a nearby supermarket. She reluctantly agreed, even though I suggested she could get us a spot while I went. When we arrived at the supermarket, I suggested a few things and she said no to everything. I said maybe it's best if we pick our own things. While I decided on what I wanted she didn't pick anything. The supermarket had a selection of hot food, but she said she didn't want to pay the £3 price. After I suggested a few other things, she refused them all. She then said 'I am hungry, but there is nothing I want'. I gave up and went to pay for my items.

On the way back she said 'Well that was a completely wasted journey'. I didn't know what to say without getting annoyed, so stayed quiet. While we sat out I felt guilty eating, while she had nothing. The atmosphere just got awkward again and conversation wasn't flowing so shortly after we called it a day.

On my way home I received a text from her that said 'Bye!!!'. I didn't know what to read into it, so just replied saying it was nice to see you, hopefully we can meet again soon

It's just a shame as we used to be so close, but I think our friendship has run its course. I would never cut ties but I think we need to accept we will never get back what we had before. Any comments?

OP posts:
AuntyElle · 07/05/2018 14:42

If the first hour was fine and her behaviour only changed when you suggested supermarket food, then it does sounds like she was expecting you to treat her to a restaurant meal and so was disappointed and resentful. Are you quite a bit better off than her?
There doesn’t seem to be much point in texting “nice to see you, hopefully we can meet again soon” when it really wasn’t nice and left you feeling the friendship is over.
You could follow up with: you seemed unhappy, can you say why? were you expecting me to shout you lunch in a restaurant?

Might not be salvageable but it seems a bit sad to leave it like this, without even any honesty or clarity about what’s gone wrong.

corcaithecat · 07/05/2018 14:48

You're well rid. There's nothing worse than a sulky adult who expects you to read their mind. At least children have an excuse for sulky behaviour.

saoirse31 · 07/05/2018 14:53

Maybe she'd no money

Angelf1sh · 07/05/2018 14:54

I haven’t read your other thread but based on this one alone she sounds a bit weird and she was (imo) definitely cutting strings. I doubt you’ll hear from her again.

sonjadog · 07/05/2018 16:32

I don´t think this friendship is salvageable now at all. I think she tried again and it didn't work out and the "bye" was the end of it. I don't know who is in the wrong and right here. I suspect she would paint a very different picture to what you are saying. But it doesn't really matter as the result is the same - you and she are not compatible as friends and the friendship is over.

AndysComing · 07/05/2018 16:38

What was the plan for today? Did you plan to meet for lunch?

mooneus · 24/05/2018 21:20

So something unusual happened. We met up again and went for a drink and a bite to eat. When it came to pay she said she forgot her bank card at home and said she would have to owe me. So I paid the bill. She checked her phone, she has one of those phone cases where you can keep cards in it. There were cards in it, but I couldn't tell what they were. I didn't say anything, but she blurted out 'That's my mum's card'. I just thought it was an odd thing to say, and it got me questioning why was she carrying her mum's card, she could have just said they were a loyalty card or something, and now I am wondering if she was lying

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 24/05/2018 21:33

She obviously felt you owed her a meal and was determined to get it. She sounds like a bit of a twat, but it also sounds like you were a bit overbearing about the whole ‘supermarket food’ thing and you should have just asked her what she wanted to do instead rather than buy and eat in front of her.

I would really just let this friendship drop now, it’s not an open or honest relationship.

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