He’s just not that into me, is he?

[CandiedPeach]

Went on a date with a guy last week, we got on really well seemed to have a connection and enjoyed a rather nice kiss at the end of the night.

Anyway the few days afterwards quite a bit of messaging (mostly started from him) then he said he was really busy over the weekend and that he’d message Monday or Tuesday and would I like to do something next weekend (so this weekend coming).
Then nothing.......

Really not looking for anything serious but still my egos a bit dented as I thought he was quite into me and I was quite looking forward to seeing him again.

I think you’re lying to yourself when you say you only want him as a short term fling. You wouldn’t be this bothered about the situation if that was really the case

But regardless, one date doesn’t mean he has to constantly text you every day.

Glad he’s got in contact and arranged another date but I think you need to be more honest with what you want from this guy.

I wasn’t expecting texts everyday or anything, in fact at first I thought he was messaging a bit too much. Maybe he sensed that though and backed off a bit. It was the fact he said he’d message on a certain day and just didn’t. But I do believe he’s very busy and it seems his switched his work days so he can see me and I guess he wouldn’t if he wasn’t interested.

I know his future plans and mine don’t match up and I just want someone I like and fancy who is ok just meeting up once a week, not just for sex and with the odd message/FaceTime in between. I don’t want anyone who’s going to start wanting more than that or talking about meeting DD being a family, I’m just not looking for that right now.

You're coming across like you do want more than that. You're focusing way too much on things that, after one date don't really need much thought

Enjoy your date

Op I think this is a bad idea, you can tell yourself you want fwb and maybe you can have that but I don't think you should do it with someone known to you and your friendship circle.
You are investing even if you don't want to be.

I have fwb similar to yours where he ticks alot of boxes and isn't just a mindless fuck.
Recently I've been thinking of calling it off as I like him so well that I know I'm in danger of wanting more from him.
We have been seeing each other a few months now.
I can see that..

FBuddies and fwb works for some and doesn't for others even if they want it to.

Oh I don’t want fwb or anything that casual. I just meant not something that’s going to progress particularly.

I know I’m coming across confusing, I was just a bit deflated that he’d not been in touch when he said he would, as everything he’d said or done till that point made me think he was really quite into me.

I’m ok now, not stressing or anything. I will just go enjoy our date.

What are you wanting then? If you dont want a FWB or anything that casual , are you just after a friendship?

Well for now I just want the dating part Sparkly.
He’s going travelling next year for a year so that will be our maximum time frame. I’m probably not explaining well, but I broke up with someone a month ago and he was wanting to meet DD and progress things and I realise I’m no way near ready for that with anyone. I’m not good at one night things or fwb either, so I guess I want a bf who’s happy just staying at that early stage of dating having fun without it progressing. (if that makes any sense at all!)

CandiedPeach I get you and all power to you, you want the best of both worlds really but it runs the risk of getting messy.

Enjoy it for what it is and chill, as to your original title he may or may not be into you but for the style of relationship you are going to have to learn to let it wash over you and move on and search for the next one if you want to.

Just chill! You have had ONE date with him. You are massively overthinking this.

If someone was expecting constant texting/contact with me after one date I'd run for the hills!

Enjoy tonight.

Your date pushed to meet your DD or your ex? How long was you with your ex for?

My ex Sparkly and around 6 months. I shouldn’t have said ‘pushed’ though, he was lovely but just wanted us to be heading in the direction of seriousness and I realised I’m just really not ready for that.

Just to clarify I wasn’t expecting constant messaging, I was fine with him sayinvbhe was busy all weekend and not hearing from him. I wanted one message when he said he’d send one to let me know if we were on for tonight or not.
Anyway, I’m going to trust that he genuinely forgot to send it and not that I’m the 2nd or 3rd option and the others have blown him off.

He’s booked a table at one of my favourite places for tonight and we’re going for a few cocktails after, so should be fun

Had a bit of a odd night really. Started off really lovely and then he went a bit quite, and I got the feeling he wanted to go. Anyway ended up back home not much after 10.

He mentioned us going out again and he has messaged this morning, but I don’t think I’ll see him again.

I’m not sure if he’s really just not into me or he’s playing games, but he seems to switch from being really full on to being a bit uninterested. And even though it would have been a no, he didn’t even ask if I wanted to go back to his or try for a invite to mine.

Either way I can’t be bothered with it!
Food was good though and I had a few yummy cocktails. I’ve got a few friends coming round tonight for drinks and a takeaway and I might bite the bullet and look at joining tinder, as my friend keeps suggesting.

Hope you had a good night last night, OP.

I'm not sure if you do want a casual thing, or if you just want a relationship that progresses at a speed you're comfortable with. I think it's entirely possible to want to be serious about someone (once you get to know him a bit) and want him to be really keen on you, without wanting to see him all the time and have him as a major part of your life straight away.

Six months is quite early to be meeting a DC. From what I've read, people often leave it a year or more. You might leave it longer still. The important thing is that you're taking your gut reactions seriously.

I've been seeing somebody for 4 months. Before we started dating, I saw him around most days for over a year. I really liked him all that time, but I was quite happy with just that because I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. Once I was, he still understood that I wanted to take things slowly, so I set the pace and he fits in with that. I don't want to rush into tying our lives together... But OTOH I wouldn't want him to think of us as a casual thing. He's dead keen and I like that!

X post. Sounds like a good time to move on, then, OP! Have fun with your friends.

Read the dating thread on here - great for tips and how it is in the world of crazy OLD !

Charlotte I think it’s having dd that makes it complicated (although of course I wouldn’t change her for the world) My ex was older and great about me having DD, but it meant he was thinking moving in, marriage, more babies. Not this early of course but sooner than me. Men my age and in my general social group I think are put off with me having a DC. (Well for anything more than a shag!)

I want the kind of relationship I’d have had at this age/stage if I didn’t have DD. But also someone who understands I do and that she comes first and I’m obviously restricted with time to meet up and stuff.

I know, I know......I don’t want much do I?

This guy seemed a perfect fit for right now, but I’m just not sure.
His text said he’d had a good night, but sorry he was really tired and those few drinks had done him in.

I’ll have a look Allmenarewankers not sure I’m really up for online dating though.
Especially not if your user name is in realation to your online dating experience 😂

I think the fact you have a child will weed out the idiots tbh. Don't ever think that because you're young and have a child you have no chance to find a serious relationship. I'm 37 and I want the person I'm with to be interested in my children as much as they are me. I was going out with someone quite a bit older than me who didn't seem at all interested in my children and couldn't remember their names for about a month. Even though he had children of his own. So it's not always an age thing.

Sorry OP I know you say he switches from being full on to uninterested but to be totally honest it doesn’t sound as if you know what you want either

You don’t want a FWB (fine) but you don’t want him as a committed boyfriend, yet you get upset and panicky when he doesn’t message you. Despite having no intentions of going back to his and not even wanting to, you were still put out when he didn’t even invite you. What???

So what do you want? Somebody who isn’t your boyfriend but will do all the lovely boyfriend things for you? Somebody you don’t want to commit to yet you expect regularly consistent contact and dates with. Somebody you didn’t want to sleep with last night yet you wanted them to invite you back to theirs just so you can say no?

I think you should step away from dating for a while.

I know what I want I just don’t think I’m explaining it very well Chippy

I wouldn’t say I didn’t want to go back to his. I wouldn’t have done but I’m attracted to him and at the end of the first date we were both a bit slow to actually say goodnight, like we were thinking about it. But last night was just a quick kiss and bye. I guess I was at least expecting something more like the first date.

And I’m not expecting constant messages or anything as I’ve explanubed. I just got the feeling that nothing from him when he’d said he’d message to let me know, was a sign he wasn’t really that into me.

I really fancy him and thought he did me, our first date felt like a long time coming and we seemed to have that good mix of attraction and actually liking spending time together.
But I have little free time for dating and I honestly don’t want to waste my time if I’m reading him all wrong and he’s not that bothered.

And it’s not helped by the fact that one of my friends who knows him (slightly more than me) says she gets the impression he’s a bit of a player and not to bother, but my other friend says the opposite and that’s he’s not like that and I should give him a chance.
And I know asking my friends is a bit childish but in my defence I was with DD’s Dad throughout my teens and never really did the whole ‘does he like me thing’ so dating is all a bit new to me and my friends get a bit over enthusiastic about it on my behalf.

Totally get you about wanting someone who realises your DD comes first. I'm the same with my DC and I'm lucky that my BF has (older) DC too and expects my DC to come first in my life. Time is quite limited for both of us - life gets in the way - but we stay in touch and make the most of the time we get.

Its difficult isn’t it Charlotte I actually had one guy send me a link to sitters (baby sitting) when I said I couldn’t go out on a certain day because of dd. Needless to say I never went on a date with him. Like OutofSync says at least it weeds out the idiots.

Not sure on this guy, he’s seeming really keen now. I’m genuinely very busy next week and dd’s Dad is going away so no nights off, until he’s back.
But he’s asking if I can fit in meeting for lunch one day.

I feel your pain OP, I'm sick of flakey inconsistent guys, I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who's just into me and doesn't have one eye looking somewhere else