I hate my husband for what he has done

[Giselleb1]

Hi all, I got married last year and just gave birth to my baby girl. A girl called me at the start of the year to say she's been sleeping with my husband for over a year (which is half our relationship) and she showed me hotel receipts and WhatsApp messages and videos to prove it. She said she was also pregnant by him. Since then I've done some snooping and discovered that he's been texting other girls in the past year flirting and asking to see them. He's apologised profusely but denied sleeping with anyone else which i don't believe.
We were arguing a lot before the wedding and both said things we shouldn't have which is what he says drove him to do it. I just feel like my entire relationship with him has been a lie and I'm finding it so difficult to get past his betrayal. What's annoying now is that he still expects me to massage him and rub his back etc but the idea of it makes me sick as he told me that those are the things the other woman used to do for him. He keeps telling me to let go of the past but I'm just so angry and upset to the point it's depressing me. We had 2 sessions of counselling and the therapist said because I've just had a baby I should wait a couple of months to be emotionally ready to deal with the issues in the sessions. I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I find myself hating him so much.

Get the locks changed and pack his bags.
He has cheated on you before and after your wedding and whilst you were pregnant. He will never make you happy because you will never ever be able to trust him.
Do the right thing for you and your daughter.
It’s not often I say this but....LTB.
And good luck x

He reckons you "drove him to do it" because you had a row?
He reckons you should "let go of the past"?
He's told you what he did with another woman and then asks you to do the same with him?
He tells you that he was 'joking' when sexting other women and having a long- running affair?

Meanwhile you've given birth to his baby, gone to couples counselling with him, and given him back rubs?

????

He is a lying cheating manipulative selfish narcissistic scumbag. That's why you hate him - it's not a character flaw in you, it's just a rational reaction based on the facts. For God's sake LTB - your daughter deserves a happy home and that scumbag can't provide one.

I'm so sorry you are going through such a terrible time. Don't let him play with your mind, you are worth much more then him. He has shown you no respect or commitment, so I certainly do not think you should stay with him. I think the longer you are with him, the more you will wonder about what he has done and the more it will upset you causing the depression to set in. You need to stay healthy for your baby and i think that you need to show him you are strong and won't stand for how he has been treating you, you deserve so much better! End the marriage, stay strong and just focus on you and your baby. Here if you need to talk. Sending you big hugs xx

He is disgusting. Please dump him.

You and your little girl deserve so much better. You know it didn't stop at the one other woman and you know it won't stop at these either.

If you stay you're basically saying "fuck around all you like, I will just accept it all."

Your little girl deserves to know that her mother placed her and herself over a man who couldn't even keep his cock to himself.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but really, I wouldn't wait two months if you can help it.
Don't let him blame you for driving him to sleep with other women because of arguments - that was his choice. Truly decent men don't go off with other women every time they fall out with their partners, and they don't treat their partners like they're stupid by trying to fob them off pretending sexual texts are just a joke.
for you, you will get through this!

Jesus, he obviously thinks you are so fucking dumb and gullible, do yourself a favour and kick this utter prick out

So you argued before the wedding and that made him cheat. Did you cheat? No. So why should he. He will tell you all the lovely things the other ladies did to make him feel special and to make you feel guilty for not spending enough of your time and attention on him. He will try to make you think his behaviour is your fault for not fawning over him enough. It isn't. He will most likely do it again and again, whenever he gets the opportunity. And all of these other messages are him fishing for new catches. GET OUT ASAP

Hes not worth anything op. Leave him and concentrate on your new baby. Xxx

Just get rid of him hes seriously not worth it and by freeing yourself you can move on to a much better relationship in the future

He is a serial liar and cheater so there is no going back from this. Sorry to say this to you, but you should leave and soon.

Does it actually matter if he slept with the other women if he admitted to sleeping with just one? One is enough, that’s the end right there. Maybe if he’s overcome with grief with what he’s done, begs for forgiveness, never obviously mentions what he ‘did’ with her, agrees to counselling etc you could maybe consider a future, not the way he’s acting.
Much easier to leave now than have this all eating away at you and possibly more children, I couldn’t carry on if I were you.
So sorry, but it will get better I’m absolutely sure of it.

I think he fully deserves your hatred.

I couldn't get past being treated like this. I also think it's highly unlikely he will ever change. This is not a one-off event, triggered by grief or some other maddening influence - it's an established pattern of behaviour.

I can understand that it's scary to walk away from the father of your child, and that you fear being lonely. It's common to have financial worries too. But I think you will experience less pain, long term, if you break up with him now than if you try to make this work.

I'm so sorry, OP. Having a baby should be such a happy time.

Get yourself sorted. Have you got a trusted friend (he hasn't slept with) that you can go to for support?

Let him think it is all ok and then in the background you need to sort out all of the finances, birth certificate for your daughter etc. Do not tell him your plans as he has already proved himself to be an accomplished liar and he would be making his own plans.

When you are feeling confident and with the help, perhaps, of Womens' Aid, you need to leave.

I rarely advise this, but you've only just married, had a baby and this is how he has behaved at your most vulnerable? Think about how he would behave when he thinks you're over it.

All the best.

I'm sorry you are going through this day awful time.
You know he isn't a good man. You know you haven't driven him to do anything, he decided to be a cheat and be a bloody nasty one at that.

I think you are going to have to let go of him. He is not good for you. That hate emotion isn't going to go away.

You hate him. So leave him. he sounds like a vile human being, and he won't change and suddenly start loving you and being faithful to you.
Please get help IRL. Lots of support here.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Tbh I’m not sure what the therapist is thinking! I’m all for keeping couples together, but the way he has treated you is unforgivable and he clearly feels no remorse (telling you what the other woman did for him...wtf? Are you supposed to compete or “live up”?)

People can change, sure, but they need to hold themselves accountable. Clearly he doesn’t.

So what’s to stop him doing the same thing five years from now. Ten. Twenty. If he manages to convince you it was somehow your fault, due to arguing, then the sky’s the limit. Because I can promise you that no marriage is without its stresses, whether that’s arguments, boredom, grief, poverty, fading libidos, addiction, illness, you name it. If he can cheat on you with multiple women so early on in your life together (and while you are pregnant, no less), just imagine what he can do to fuck up the rest of your life?

Not my usual refrain either, but LTB. You deserve so much more.

Who the fuck does he think he is?!!!

He's a disgusting maggot. Get rid of him.

Do you have much support from family? What's your housing situation?

Leave.

I'd cut my losses and divorce him. He's a serial cheat and only admitted to what could be proved.

He's not remorseful...just sorry he was found out. Him telling you to leave it in the past is your proof. He's not doing anything to help you is he?

Massage his back? He's wish he never mentioned that if he was my husband.

I would rub his back for him too the B!

I'm so sorry for you. What a vile human being he is. Leave him x

Poor you...dump the dickhead.

His asking for a backrub is gaslighting you.

You will be confused into 'acting normal' and then think 'well if i knew yesterday but didnt leave and in fact gave him a back rub, then it would be too dramatic to leave now".

Total gaslight move there

Is or worth your while to stay with him? In your position, unless he was an excellent father/was able to provide Mr with a significantly more pleasant lifestyle if we stayed together I would just leave. Otherwise what is the point if staying with someone you rightly despise. If you do stay togeyher make sure you he gets a vasectomy. He will cheat again and you don't want to run the risk of having another child with him.