99% of infidelity - but how to prove?

[diege]

So discovered over the weekend (snooping) that my 'boyfriend' of 18 months is living at a different address to that which he had said (I hadn't been to his house - long story). Upon further investigation it turns out the house he does live in is owned by a divorced couple, the husband now abroad. Having looked at her pinterest of all things it's pretty clear they are/were close at some point and my hunch is that they are living at that address. I am naturally devastated but just want to know the truth. Other snippets from the past...he (with hindsight) does seem to be a compulsive liar, plus never available at the weekend, wanting to take things slow because of my children (my husband died 2 years ago under traumatic circumstances). Oh and to top it all off we work very closely together... Just wondering what the best strategy is...to turn up at the door? Come clean about the snooping with house visit as back up? I am definitively going to bring it up, just don't want to blow it.

And banana I don't take offence as I know you meant well, but one certainty I have in my world of 'what ifs' is that I don't blame myself for my husband's death. It was a very complex situation and clear for all, coroner included, that the sad event didn't stem from anyone elses actions or inactions.

He sounds like the type who would never admit to anything and will defend themselves to the last. Blank him completely now. Although if anyone knows about your relationship and asks about it, I would say you ended it because he is a liar and untrustworthy.

Ugh, it's so disappointing to hear a grown man lie to your face, swear black is white and for what? All so he doesn't have to hear himself say out loud what a seriously lacking human being he's been shown to be. So disappointing. But ultimately not surprising.

I'm sorry you didn't get the satisfaction of his honesty, and that he couldn't even give you that. But at least he gave you the clarity that his attachment to his lies runs deep and that there's no need for you to hold onto any lingering feelings for him. Easier said than done of course, but I think you've got the right idea. Gym, tea, pass the next few days in a bit of a fog, then when the adrenaline wears off you'll just wake up one morning feeling ...lighter.

I'm sorry you've been through this - noone should have to feel this way at the hands of another, but it sounds like it won't keep you down for long. And at least now the control over your own life is back in your own hands, and your hands only. Good luck!

well done op for staying strong and not being swept away with his lies

now the hard bit,dont be surprised if he contacts you,stay strong

Well done OP, must have been hard to listen to all his bullshit but you've done the right thing. Just be nice to yourself today. Tomorrow is another day.

Hope you doing ok tonight op

I'm sorry you've been so badly treated!
One day, everyone will see him for who he truly is.

Keep your chin up and be proud that you left with your dignity. You've done the right thing for yourself and your children.

Go when he’s at work and ask her if he’s there ? Gauge her reaction?

Sorry just seen this is an old thread x so sorry x

It's not an old thread.

I'm doing ok thanks. Having panicky episodes when I feel very low and feeling very sad but know that's normal. He has texted a few times but nothing that would require a response. Will be hard in work on Monday and a bit awkward with the joint presentation thing we're doing but can't be avoided. Just wish with all my heart that the fantasy version of what I'd hoped for had come true!

Well done for finishing things. I'll never understand why some men do these things. Be kind to yourself. Pamper yourself! You've got every right to feel very bruised after this disappointment. Don't forget to find yourself some support though. Counselling can give you somewhere to vocalise the things you don't want family to hear and help you move on from them. Have faith in yourself - you can and will find better things.

Diege, you are doing amazing. I know it is hard to believe but you will get through to a better place. Something worth the wait is in your future. Look after yourself.

Thank you, I really do mean that. I'm really trying to be strong and just happy at the moment to break even and get through the day. I'm just sick of being strong all the time - I want someone to do stuff for me, make some decisions, and give me a hug Better to know where I am though - could't have continued with such an awful liar and narcissist.

Yup you're well out of it. Please resist any attempts on his part for a reconciliation as he sounds like a compulsive liar and you'd set yourself and your children up for a lot more pain further down the road. Make a list of all the lies he's told you and excuses he's used not to see you and look at it whenever you think you might weaken. Good luck.

Do you have a good friend or close family member OP? If so perhaps spend some time with them, confide in them, enjoy them and hug them. Let them help you heal. You are brilliant. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for being strong. Be kind to yourself.