Is ex BU or am I re his time with DC?

[Cales]

Ex-h and I separated 4 years ago. We have 3 DC, 13, 9 and 7.

He lived close by until a year ago when he moved to be with his pregnant girlfriend 4 hours drive away.

While he was here we had almost 50/50 shared care, he was very close to dc, they adore him.

He now sees them eow (every other weekend). Picks them up either Friday or Saturday drives to his house then brings them home Sunday.

He can be difficult to communicate with, often not responding. He has never not turned up to see dc though.

So ds's best friends bday party is on Friday. I contacted ex over a week ago to tell him and ask whether he wanted to collect them Friday or could ds go to the party. He never replied so I told ds and the mother that he could attend.

I contacted ex yesterday to remind him and he said his baby is having their bday party on the Saturday so he needs to collect dc Friday or not at all....

This is not the first time things like this have happened and it pisses me off that dc are caught in the middle, having to choose between their dad and plans they've already made. His line is always 'oh well I'm sure they'd rather see me...'

Op.. i would avoid court all that will happen is the order will be Friday to Monday which you will have them available for contact. He will change days if he pleases.

I would consider mediation though as to how you can plan for the children EOW.

I do wonder about some people on here. it is DS BF party..imagine not going to bestfriends party sat at home with dad not turning up..

People on MN are quick enough to tell any LP mum not to move away from Dad.. However they move away merrily.

My guess is he wants the weekend with new baby ..Not older kids around for baby party.I can see where his priorities are.

Ah OP I really feel for you. I agree with PPs that the focus has to be on making sure your children are happy in a shit situation. But it must be really hard for you. Come on here to vent - we're here to support you.

Cmmmmm - is it half term again already.... ? 🙄

All I can say re. your stepmother's comment is that if your ex is one of the best fathers she knows, then she knows some pretty shit ones!

I'm not a great believer in always being positive about bad fathers. If they're abusive, if they're uncaring, I think it's better to try and address the facts in as neutral a manner as possible - because otherwise children are likely to feel that it IS their fault that their Dad is shit and doesn't want to see them. I think allowing them a fuller picture of the human he is helps them to have more realistic ideas of what he is and isn't going to do, and reduces their expectations so they're less disappointed when he fails to show up or care about them or whatever. They'll still love him but they won't have him on an entirely undeserved pedestal.

What a difficult man. Thank your lucky stars he is an ex and FWIW if he instigated the distance then you shouldn’t have to do half the travelling. Very unfair.