How long does it take to fall in love?

[NinkyNonk1]

Just that really. When do you know the difference between really liking somebody and falling in love with it them?

Is it possible to fall in love at first sight?

And does being in love with someone mean that you love them?

We fell in love very quickly. Second date we told each other. Never any doubt! Took a lot longer for previous two relationships in fact never really did love the first one! 18 months on we live together and are engaged. We are very very much in love!

You sound very naive.
There is no set format for falling in love and it happens differently for every one
Some people are friends for years then fall in live.
Some fall in love at first sight and remain together all their lives.
For some there is only one love in a life time, others have several loves.
There are no hard and fast rules.
I do believe in love at first sight others may not.
Being in love does not mean love is returned.

I don't think I am naive I just want to be sure that what I was feeling was real and not an impossibility. The moment I saw him and he started talking he had me but it's been a while since then. We haven't talked about our 'status' but have both made it clear we aren't looking for anyone else, and that we hope we have a future.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I think that first rush you get when you see someone is an animalistic urge. It's lust. All those things that make us love a person like kindness, loyalty, or a sense of humour can't be seen at first. However, I would say that I don't really understand these people who can be friends with someone for years and years and then suddenly end up together. Surely if that's the way you felt you'd have made a move earlier? But then I very rarely find anyone attractive so when I do I get overwhelmed by the lust and can't hold my feelings in

In our case I did start to develop some sort of feeling within a week... He told me he loved me within 13 days! He also says I'm the closest thing to love at first sight that he's experienced

It’s easy to fall in lust but love is a different story. Real love anyway... it’s easy to think you love someone in the throes of lust but it’s totally separate from real love. Real love is a lot more realistic and, well, boring .

In lust and thinking you are in love is one thing. Loving someone is the next level and I don’t think that can happen until you really know them. I knew I was falling in love with DP after a couple of weeks but it was probably a couple of months down the line when I knew I loved him, and a couple of years when I knew I will never want anyone but him. But I was 45 when we met and had a few shit relationships previously to know this time was different.

With XP - love at first sight, we didn't actually meet properly until 2 years later but both of us remembered that casual passing in the street moment when we did. I went home with him after we finally met and didn't leave for 5 years. It really wasn't just lust, it was a weirdly amazing feeling.

With DH - we were just friends for a year until we gradually developed feelings for each other. Even then, it took several months for me to be sure I really loved him. We have now been happy together for 20 years.

IME a love that grows slowly is stronger.

With XP, our feelings for each other were very intense, and we split not because we fell out of love, but because of deep incompatibilities that we just couldn't fix, despite both trying hard to. Love really doesn't conquer all.

Thank you for sharing your stories. Like most people I've experienced bad relationships so I really want this to work out. He's perfect in every way and the bits that aren't so perfect are still perfect for me!
I am happy for things to go slowly to ensure we make something that lasts so that was very good advice 😊

I dont believe in "love", per se and choose not to use the term in reference to people. It is an abstract concept, and there is no way to know that when one person uses the term they mean the same as another. Everyone experiences feelings differently. That said I obviously have some understanding of what I think people mean by it, and I dont think you "love" someone unless you have known them quite a long term- a year or longer. But that isnt to say that you cant feel you love someone earlier. Its just that you are in love with something you still dont understand or know.

Love isn’t real. I wouldn’t get excited about it.

The bits that aren’t perfect will get to you in the end. But maybe I’m just a bitter old crone. Good luck.

My (completely unscientific, based on nothing) view is that "love at first sight" is a genetic thing where your bodies sense you'd make healthy kids together. It's like a fertility/genetic signal.

I'm basing that only on my first DH and me. I fell for him on our first date. I was obsessed with him, despite more red flags than the BakeOff tent. When we got married and tried for kids, I got knocked up first time, both times we tried. And we didn't last but our DC are amazing. :)

Same with my parents. They got engaged on their second date.

Being on the pill can interfere with your body's ability to sense which partners are a great genetic fit for you to mate with.

I'm just rambling now.

To answer your last question, no, being on love with someone doesn’t mean you love them.
In love is delicious, but it can be mostly projection, and it bursts like a bubble. What’s left when it bursts can be love, or it can be nothing. And if it is love, you can fall in love again and agin with that person if you are fortunate.

This reminds me of the AC/DC song 'It was love at first feel.'

Thank you for some more insights!

So if I was to tell him I was in love with him would he might think that I was saying I actually love him? He's very wary of commitment at this stage because of being hurt in the past but he's been telling me how happy I make him and how I make him feel so I'm hoping it is heading for something.

If he's saying he's scared of commitment, I wouldn't go confessing any deep feelings at this early stage.

Everything's moot until you get past the 3-month stage anyway. That's when the wheat gets sorted from the chaff.

Real love isnt a feeling imo, it's definitely not a euphoric buzz around that person either. That's just excitement and lust.

Real love is caring deeply, never wanting to lose them

Was with my dp for a couple of months when we told each other we loved each other. I still look back now after years and realise I wasn't in love with him at that point. I had love for him but I am totally in love with him now and the 2 feelings are much different. Literally no comparison of how you feel when you love some one and being in love I'm my opinion( talking romantically here).

It’s different for everybody.

I’m not sure I believe in love at first sight but I do believe in something at first sight, more than lust. I also do believe in the saying ‘when you know, you know’

The moment I met DP I just knew. I can’t describe what or how, but I knew.
Of course he isn’t perfect, but I think love is when you’ve seen somebody at their lowest and it still doesn’t change a thing. When you adore them.

I knew the minute I met my husband that I would marry him one day. And we did. I do believe in love at first sight. We're childhood sweethearts

Love, real love, in my experience is something that isn't physical or about making each other happy. It's a connection, and it's something that builds over time. I've said 'I love you' to five blokes, and meant it at the time. It's only with the most recent one that I've understood what it really means. It's a lot more than just 'I fancy the arse off you and we have fun together.' It's knowing them, being there, and those moments when only an eyemeet is enough to tell you what the other one is thinking. There isn't any angst with love.

And yes, saying 'I'm in love with you' will translate exactly the same as 'I love you'. 'Falling for you' is perhaps a better phrase, but if he's commitment-wary, just leave it. The words will come eventually.

Blimey. When I first met DP (about 9 years ago), I thought: ugh. In spades. No sense of humour, boring, stuffed shirt type, absolutely nothing at all to recommend him.

He is now the greatest love of my life. He is the funniest person I know. I love him to a stupid degree (more than I love anyone who isn't a blood relative). I have used the L word once, 18 months ago. He has never used it, because he's a hopeless male who is not deserving of this degree of devotion. I can't describe how much I love him.

Bit worried, OP, about you mentioning 'status'. Are you referring to Facebook or some such? Sorry - I am of a pre-Facebook mentality.

Ugh I hate that bs about "I've been hurt before". So's everyone. Excuse to be a nobend in my opinion.

I knew very early on I felt 'different' about him compared to anyone else, I liked him a hell of alot straight away, developed feelings for him by about a month in and the feelings just progressed and progressed by 3 months I loved him and by 6 months I had fallen so in love with him in a way that i didn't know was possible