Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What does it mean when someone says this...

66 replies

WheelyCote · 15/04/2018 15:12

That they're not in love with you but they love u more than a friend and don't see u as just a friend

Long story which I won't bore u all with.

Talks to me 3-4 times a day and see me once a week. He lives an hour and half away. It's not about sex as I've put a pause on that since Feb

Please be gentle...my insides feel like vomming at hearing he's not in love with me😧

OP posts:
Whocansay · 15/04/2018 15:15

It means he wants to string you along and keep his options open.

Tell him where to go.

cedoren · 15/04/2018 15:23

Stringing you along. Really sorry OP. It's either:

  1. doesn't have the guts to spell out that he's not into you
  2. keeping options open in case he fancies sex Either way, you're worth so much more than this. Walk away!
CannaeBeErsed · 15/04/2018 15:24

^^ what the said.

Sorry. He wants to string you along.

CannaeBeErsed · 15/04/2018 15:25

They**
I don't know why autocorrect keeps taking Y's out

OldBandTeeShirt · 15/04/2018 15:29

What the others said. Sorry, OP. If this is hurting you, move on,

Zebra31 · 15/04/2018 15:29

Sorry Op. his stringing you along. I think for your own emotional well-being you need to stop seeing this person. Let him go. Give yourself time to heal then find someone that will love you.

Flowers
sirlee66 · 15/04/2018 15:30

That you're fine for right now but you're not a keeper. Sorry, OP.

ScreamingValenta · 15/04/2018 15:30

A. Wants to keep you on the back burner as an option for occasional sex.
B. (Less likely) Not into you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by being brutal.

I think you need to move on - whatever his motives, if he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be coming out with vague nonsense like this.

user1483387154 · 15/04/2018 15:33

You are his second choice. He wants to keep you there until someone else comes along

luckiestgirl · 15/04/2018 15:34

That he likes you. And fancies you. But he’s not in love with you.

Sounds fine to me, but sounds like it’s not fine for you. I take it you’re in love with him?

zippey · 15/04/2018 15:35

I ageee, you are Miss Right Now rather than Miss Right.

Which account for about 70% of relationships. If you are both happy with each other’s company then it’s all good.

I think sometimes we keep planning and look to the future rather than living in the moment. Who know what will happen in the longer term.

tallwivglasses · 15/04/2018 15:37

What does it mean? It means he's a dick.

He obviously enjoys your company and gets a lot out of your relationship. He'd probably be a wee bit jealous if you met someone...but I expect he thinks he could do better, the poor, misguided fool. Put all that time spent on him to better use.

Dvg · 15/04/2018 15:37

fancies you but doesn't Love you, Depends how long you have been dating. If any less than 4 months id say that's fine as he could just be taking it slow but any longer and id say i would expect more than just to be fancied.

Scabetty · 15/04/2018 15:38

That he’s an immature wankstain that likes the initial lust stage of a relationship with lots of sex but anything requiring commitment is beyond him.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/04/2018 15:58

Depends how long you've known him, what the arrangement is and whether expecting him to be in love with you is reasonable at whatever stage you're at. If this is someone you've been dating, once a week, for a couple of months then I don't think it means anything than exactly what he's saying - that he enjoys your company, feels more for you than he would a hook-up or a friend, but isn't in love with you. I don't think somebody being honest about liking you a lot but not being in love makes them a "wankstain". Far worse if he pretended he was or could be in the future and strung you along that way. The whole point of dating is that you spend time with each other, working out whether this is something long term or not.

Obviously completely different if you've known him for years and have previously had conversations where you said you loved each other.

privateporcupine · 15/04/2018 16:20

I can see why that hurts, but it’s hard to say without knowing how long you’ve been seeing each other and also how the comment came about? E.g you’ve been seeing each other since January, and you put him on the spot and asked if he loved you? In that kind of situation, I’d say he’s just been honest. Wouldn’t it be worse if he lied and said he loved you, then done a bunk because you’d scared him off?

I realise I’ve invented a whole hypothetical scenario, but the point is, we need a bit more background really.

Sorry you’re feeling crap though Flowers

Original poster
WheelyCote · 15/04/2018 16:46

We were together about 11 years. He left last sept and I've hoped for reconciliation.

If I don't pick up when he rings, he rings repeatedly and even turned up at the door. In honesty it's kept me hoping that there might be hope

OP posts:
Original poster
WheelyCote · 15/04/2018 16:47

I feel ashamed that there's something wrong with me

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 15/04/2018 16:48

He can't be honest with you or is just stringing you along...keeping options open. 11 years is a long time but not worth trying to get back with him if he isn't in love with you!

Kirta · 15/04/2018 16:50

I think he wants his cake, and eat it too. Doesn't want to commit?

Whocansay · 15/04/2018 16:50

There is nothing wrong with you. He's a bastard and wants to keep you waiting in the wings while he plays the field. He's being incredibly cruel to you.

It's easy for me to say 'block him', but that's what you should do. It must hurt like hell. I'm so sorry. Flowers

Arapaima · 15/04/2018 16:53

He's an absolute bastard OP Sad

dontforgettofloss · 15/04/2018 16:58

11 years is long enough to decide whether you love someone or not.
Cut your losses and move on, easier said than done I know, but he's keeping you dangling on a string. You deserve better

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2018 16:58

Being together for 11 years changes it.

Firstly can I ask if you split in sept why were you still sleeping with him in Feb?

He's been quite clear I think, he's no longer in love with you and doesn't wish that sort of relationship, due to history he still loves you, which is normal and it's always going to be more than as just a friend, becayse if shared history.

I think he's trying to be kind to you with his words, he's being.honest, , but he should not have been sleeping with you, that is cruelans is misleading for you and he must know this.

The relationship is over, I'm sorry op. You need to make a clean break for your sake.

privateporcupine · 15/04/2018 17:00

Well that blows my theory out the water. He’s not right for you, OP. Walk away. But with your head high. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.