Do they ever come back?

[PhonixK]

Recently split from my husband. We've been having a shit few months and he's had enough and left. Doesn't want to try again or do counselling. Nothing.

Do they ever come back after some space or do I just have to accept he won't?

I'm getting on with my life with my 3 dc and not showing him the affect it's having on me.

He's been asking the oldest how I'm doing and comes to get the dc and will stay for a bit have a conversation then go.

He has took his ring off which hurt but I haven't mentioned it to him.

I don't want to get my hopes up so I am telling myself he won't and I need to sort everything out.

My opinion is they tend not to come back when they meet someone else. That's just from experience.

It doesn't sound like he wants to come back
Maybe start talking to a solicitor

No advice, but didn't want to read and run.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I think the best thing for you to do is concentrate on yourself and building yourself back up.

Done is done normally.

OP. I’ve known of marriages that have gone both ways in this situation.

My own, he came back. I didn’t really want him to as I was so fed up and hurt and sick to the back teeth of the whole sad-sorry-arsed thing.

He talked me around. Promised the world and cheated again.

When it was done for me I knew.

You don’t mention another person.

You’re understandably not in that place of being done OP. But, if it Is the end - you will get to acceptance. It doesn’t always feel this excruciating.

He’s visiting the kids, he’s having conversations with you and asking after you. Of course, he should be doing exactly those things.

You’re not letting him see how this is affecting you. Do you think you should maybe tell him you’re not finding it easy? It may change nothing, but you have nothing to lose here by admitting to him that it does actually hurt.

There’s a great dignity in how you’re behaving, but the pain is palpable.

I’m so sorry and sending you good hopes and strength.

Sorry OP but it doesn't sound like it. Suggest you see a solicitor and get yourself sorted. Stop engaging with him when he collects/drops DC off.

Concentrate on yourself and your DC.

Why on earth would you want him back? He’s shown his true colours, you could never depend on him again. The first hint of stress or difficulties and he would be off again.

My now ex dh left me for an ex he’d found on Facebook and walked out on me and dd then aged 5 within 2 weeks of making contact with her. We had been together for 8 years and moved 130 miles away from our families a year before to have a fresh start! Dd nor I ever heard from him again. I am now happily remarried. I wouldn’t pee on him if he was on fire.

I’m in the same position. He left 4 weeks ago and I’m utterly heartbroken. I’m trying to be strong for the 2 children but I feel in bits.

I’ve been with my husband for 11 years. I’m only 30 and I feel like my life is over.

The last 6 months have been rocky but I honestly never thought he would give up on me. I thought he would have a couple of weeks to get some space and things into perspective but now he’s talking about divorce.

I would treat it as though he won't come back. None of us can ever tell you if he will or won't, however the ring off is a big sign he's done.

The way to move on and get someone back are the same anyway. You have to fill your time and get on with life again. Easier said than done I know. I wouldn't tell him you are struggling, I think the best way to get someone back if at all possible is to just move on - even if you don't feel you are. Just know that every feeling you are feeling is justified. This isn't your choice, and you're allowed to feel low and miss him. However, as another user said. Would you feel comfortable in your relationship if you did take him back? Would you not worry that he would do this again down the line?

Thank you everyone.

I'm a big believer in second chances. Unless it was a huge thing like abuse or cheating.

This is the first time in 11 years any thing like this has happened. I won't go into details but basically I lied to him for 4 months (wasnt anything major like another man or anything like that) it was over something I said to a friend (he found out bt looking at my messages) that I denied saying for 4 months then finally told him. He lasted 2/3 weeks then left. I get I hurt him and that the trust will have gone. I suppose it's my fault he's gone.

I just feel awful I was a coward and I have no excuse for lying because it really wasn't anything to hide. I was angry that he hacked on to my Facebook to look through things when I've never gave any indication I was hiding anything or untrustworthy.

I've screwed up 11 years worth of a relationship to a man I adore and I just want him home.

That's quite the drip feed OP.

Drip feed?

Oh phonix

We all make mistakes and marriage is really hard. Has he let you explain your reasons?

I’m the same as you 11 years together. I just feel like we have too much history to just throw it away.

He has. He's told me it's not what I said because it was nothing and something he could get over it was the fact I lied about saying it.

I get his point.

I'm all over the place tbh. He won't talk about us he storms out when I bring it up so I just don't anymore.

Hmm, must be something terrible to end an entire marriage over. Is it? Or is he just using it as an excuse?

I don’t know how to give you any advice as I’m exactly the same.

I’m struggling so much. I find nights the hardest.

I know a lot have told me to just keep contact to the children and try and move on but it’s easier said than done.

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

It depends what the information was about - does he feel you betrayed a family secret? Why did you lie? - are you wary of your DH, did you think this would be his reaction? Was your relationship becalmed and this was a useful excuse for him to pin leaving on? Do you think he has am OW or a friend he is out wanting to live the single life with (and feeling curtailed by marriage)?

Only you know these answers which have a lot of bearing on the situation- not us. I would treat the situation as he has gone for good and get on with your own life. Maybe knock the chats on the head for a bit until you feel in a better place if you scour them afterwards for signs of hope.

It does seem like a massive overreaction unless it was a massive lie you told

Did you say share his business with a friend and then deny it for an easier reply to his question ?

Sympathies though. I agrer with others. Act like it is over and believe you will accept this and believe you will get over it.

It was me and friend talking about a male we all know and taking the piss (me and my friend are very dirty minded but mean no harm with it) I'm the first to admit the messages went over the top. Not over the top to me saying things like I would sleep with him or anything it was about the way he looks.

Husband saw the messages which were months old by that time. He asked me outright and I knew he would get angry and lecture me so I done the cowardly think and denied it.

Husband is a massive over thinker and obviously he knew i was lying about the messages so it made him question over things. I reassured him over and over that I had never been unfaithful and it's not something I would ever do after growing up in a family like that. I wouldn't ever put him or my kids through that.

Once I admitted it he got angry. Understandably and told me I had him thinking he was going crazy. We were fine for a few weeks and then he just had enough and left.

I am trying to see things like it's done but sometimes it's hard cos I know we still care about each other.

I tried not to talk to him much when he came to drop the car off (having to share just now so I can take the dc out) but he told me his plans for tonight. He went into the cupboard and fridge looking for something to eat when I asked what he was doing he laughed said "sorry I forgot".

I'm 100% reading into everything hoping I can see signs he wants to come home and i need to stop

Hmmm. He's not projecting is he? It seems very odd to me. And he's cleverly made it all your fault too. I'd be thinking "other woman" personally

I think done is done in most occasions. Mostly because you’ll be so scared of him leaving again that you won’t be able to have an equal relationship. And that only leads to long term misery.
But if it’s over one isolated incident things might be different. But it’s hard to believe he’d end a marriage over this.

I have had that thought but he's been away for most the year with work and came back all down and depressed, couldn't fit back into family life. This might sound strange but sometimes I hope their is someone else because it would be easier to handle rather than wonder why he just gave up