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Original poster

Anyone elses DH hijack their life?

93 replies

soundslikeballons · 09/04/2018 13:14

So I've been sick, all night period pain related, day off sick and he's here... snoozing in bed, he has a headache..

I had a kidney infection, he had a back ache

I get a pulled back he will have a cold (well a few sniffs)

But it doesn't end there, I book to do something with the girls, fitness related (day out) make it clear "its with the girls" next thing I know he's rallied a team and he's joining us?

Am I alone in this? or is a common DH trait it seems to be getting worse the older we get?

Moan over

OP posts:
MarvelleGazelle · 09/04/2018 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarvelleGazelle · 09/04/2018 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jedenfalls · 09/04/2018 18:04

I’d be willing to bet tonight’s tea that this so called EA was not even a tenth as bad as he makes out.

Sounds to me like a good mate when you were in a low place. I don’t know but it just sounds like far too convenient a stick to beat you with, and your internal sense of guilt that you alone can’t make him not be a dick (because you somehow think it is your job to be the guardian of the relationship) has made you also pick up the stick and beat yourself with it too.

Just hazarding a guess, you seem too self aware for a proper EA. I admit I am notoriously lax about friends of the opposite sex (oh has several female mates and I really struggle to give a fuck)

jedenfalls · 09/04/2018 18:06

Oh, and yep. He sounds dreadful.

Livinglifepeachy · 09/04/2018 18:22

Bless you op. If he can't cancel the plans is there a possibility that you could change plans with your friend and go elsewhere? It might be worth having a few options incase he doesn't back down and if it does come to that then don't tell him till its time to go out of the door your doing something else. You shouldn't have to do these type of things it's really sad sounds like a teenager sneaking out at night without the parents knowing lol

LizzieDarcy1907 · 09/04/2018 18:52

I'm still open mouthed at him taking a day off sick because you had.

He's got to sort his trust issues out or he loses you. And I wouldn't be afraid of telling him so. I'd be very suffocated, personally.

Original poster
soundslikeballons · 09/04/2018 19:03

Livinglifepeachy Its something my friend has been building her confidence for a few months, so I can't change plans on her, I'm going to support her 100% and just work out what to do with DH.

This thread really has had me sat her thinking all day, what I thought was many a minor irritation has actually opened my eyes to a few things that I'm just accepting as normal.

OP posts:
Dozer · 09/04/2018 19:18

This isn’t “trust issues” this is a range of controlling and abusive behaviours.

3luckystars · 09/04/2018 20:46

I would arrange a babysitter and then say she cancelled at the last minute and ask him to stay at home with the children.

He is really bullying you.

3luckystars · 09/04/2018 20:50

If he was aggressive and loud then you would clearly see this for what it is, but because he is doing it in a sulky, sad way then you are feeling sorry for him. He is getting his way.

This is controlling. I hope you get some space soon x

Emma198 · 09/04/2018 20:51

I only have this issue when it comes to sickness. I can't have anything without him having it worse. I'm pregnant and I was looking at pregnancy pillows and he pipes up "oh that could help me with x, y, z pains I have" I feel so childish but I just want to cry "pplleeease let something be about me!" 😭😭😭😭😭

Butterymuffin · 09/04/2018 20:54

Yes, I'd tell the male friend who wants to come to the event that you need childcare so your partner won't be able to do it after all for that reason. You'd 'booked' the day first.

RandomMess · 09/04/2018 21:00

Sounds a miserable way to live!

ReanimatedSGB · 09/04/2018 21:13

Pity you didn't persist in the EA and dump this prick for your mate, really.

Did your current H give the impression of being a wounded puppy that only you could save when you first got together? Sometimes abusive men of this type are good at making you think that they are sweet, sensitive, vulnerable. romantic etc but it soon gets nauseating.

Original poster
soundslikeballons · 09/04/2018 21:21

ReanimatedSGB that made me laugh, bugger is my mate is married and I'm lots of things but that would make me a bigger prize prick!!

Actually no this wasn't always the case, it's been in the last 4-5 years this has kind of started to happen, as I've become more successful and become the main earner..

Emma198 Oh dear.. I hope you got the pillow for you!!

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 09/04/2018 23:30

He's clearly hugely inadequate, and fundamentally believes that women are inferior to men, by the sound of it. You are a possession, not a partner, and you have to be constantly reminded that his wishes are the most important thing. So, yeah, work on getting rid. At least, as the main earner, you know you will be able to support yourself.

augustusglupe · 09/04/2018 23:43

Mine would if he could, but he knows after 30 years, I’ve pretty much got the measure of him. I also tell him straight if I want time alone, with the girls etc and that works.
He’ll also come up with new, brilliant ideas as his own, which were mine 2 days earlier. I just peer at him with quiet amusement Grin

MyBoysAndI · 10/04/2018 07:30

Did l miss something.... He took a day off sick from work when you did? I scrolled back but couldn't see it posted by OP.

That is truely odd behaviour. Not normal at all.

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