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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He only hit me one time

56 replies

MsPennybloom · 08/04/2018 17:41

NC for obv reasons.

He rough handled me, hit me just the once. Keeps minimizing it, confusing me that it's not abuse or a big deal. Says once is not assault and he is not a monster. He lost control in extreme desperation.

I'm so lost, confused and hurt

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 08/04/2018 17:43

For me once is one time too many, I say this as the child of a battered mother. Please leave him.

magoria · 08/04/2018 17:44

One hit could kill in the right (wrong) circumstances.

If a random stranger came up to you on the street and punched you that would be assault.

Why would this be any different? Of course it is assault.

LadyPenelopeCantDance · 08/04/2018 17:44

Agree with Pp. Once too many. It will only escalate from here.

Ryder63 · 08/04/2018 17:45

Once is the first of many. Please get rid.

PrizeOik · 08/04/2018 17:45

He's crossed the Rubicon op.

The fact he's already telling you it's ok he did it, that there was a reason and he couldn't help it, means he will kill you in the end.

Of course he will try to get you to accept it. Every violent man had a first time for hitting a new victim. You are not a special case.

Stop listening to him. Walk away x

HyenaHappy · 08/04/2018 17:47

Once is too many.

Report him. Let him tell the magistrates that ‘once is not an assault’.

PurpleDaisies · 08/04/2018 17:47

He’s hit you once...so far.
He doesn’t even have the decency to be shocked, horrified and apologetic.

Dvg · 08/04/2018 17:50

Hitting anyone is abuse :(

userabcname · 08/04/2018 17:50

My mother always taught me that if a man raises his hand to you, you leave immediately. No excuses, apologies, second chances or negotiations. Get out and don't look back.

troodiedoo · 08/04/2018 17:51

Only one way you can be sure it'll never happen again, ltb.

You must be very upset and confused though Flowers hope you're safe and have someone with you irl.

Guiltypleasures001 · 08/04/2018 17:51

Sorry lovely

It's not confusing, it's assault, and he's telling you it's your fault. The next time and after that , will be too, he's conditioning you to accept your fate.

Don't go down this rd, it's hard to get off of it. 💐

Springiscoming123 · 08/04/2018 17:53

op forward 2yrs and it will be more than the current once i can guarantee you

YearOfYouRemember · 08/04/2018 17:53

I had two boyfriends who hit me once. When I stayed they did it again.
With one I left him once he hurt my cat. Somehow him hurting her made me realise he was a bad one.

He doesn't get to say it's not assault. It is. If a stranger did it you'd be acknowledging immediately it was assault.

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 17:54

I just don’t understand these posts at all.. truly. If my husband so much as lifted a teeny tiny finger towards me or put me in a position to feel intimidated I would go BATSHIT. I really would. I had a violent stepfather so maybe I’m projecting but seriously if I ever felt scared or intimidated by my husband I would leave. No one and I mean no one has the right to do that. Least of all the person who’s supposed to love me unconditionally.. he’s done it once. I very much doubt it’ll be the last...

YearOfYouRemember · 08/04/2018 17:54

And if it's not a big deal surely it's okay if you wallop him?

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 17:56

What does ‘extreme desperation’ mean BTW? I’d love to hear the story (bollocks) behind that excuse?

Raven88 · 08/04/2018 17:57

Once is one time too many. Honestly I would leave because you are in a dangerous situation. In these situations it's not if it's when.

Starlight2345 · 08/04/2018 17:57

The concerning thing to sbhe is trying to justify it. What is confusing you ?

Papplewapplewoo · 08/04/2018 17:59

Op is there anyone irl you can stay with or can help you chuck him out.
I say this as someone whose left an abusive cunt it’s going to be hard
But you’ve got this ❤️

PoorYorick · 08/04/2018 18:00

Oh he'll totally do it again, I assure you. Unless you GET OUT.

He's a snake with a forked tongue. Do not listen to anything he says.

TeeBee · 08/04/2018 18:01

Fuck me. How many times do you have to assault someone before it is actually classified as assault? Is there a threshold that only he is party to? Go now. Get rid. He won't change if he can't own it and apologise.

Mogleflop · 08/04/2018 18:03

He can only kill you once too.

GreatThingsWork · 08/04/2018 18:06

Once is the same as the first time. Please leave.

Dimael · 08/04/2018 18:08

Hitting you is assault! If you was in a public place he would be arrested for hitting you! No different in your own home. It is emotional abuse the way he is making you believe you are overreacting to this. On both levels I believe you are better away from him.

DancingLedge · 08/04/2018 18:09

Oh, Pennybloom I'm sorry you're going through this.

Once is assault. Once is abuse. There can be no confusion or doubt about that. None.

Minimising, denying that it's assault, that's appalling denial of what he's done. That means there is no way back from this. No possibility of change if he accepts no responsibility for his actions.
There's no way of turning the clock back to before this happened.

What do you want to do now?