My husband only hit me once as well (ignoring the other stuff which I realised later was also physical abuse).
The ‘one time’ was a few years ago now. He walked off with no problems, still blaming me for it all I’m sure.
I still suffer from the injuries to this day. My little boy suffers too, as he didn’t see the violence, so I thought he’d escaped I damaged too, but he had t really has he, because his mum is permanently injured and can’t do the things other mummy’s can do normally.
Soooo, I’m sure in my abusers fault it’s all my fault. It certainly was at the time. My fault for ‘making him snap’. My fault for ‘winding him up’. My fault for ‘getting in his face’.
Then it was my fault for ‘making a big fuss’, my fault for embarrassing him by being bruised. And my fault for having an underlying condition neither of us knew about (sort of, actually he did know by then I was more fragile and we were waiting for a hosp appointment... sooo), but hey, nope, it’s my fault he hit me so hard he inflicted injuries that still make my daily life difficult half a decade later.... my fault. My fault. My fault.
Of course, he did punch me in my neck and narrowly miss killing me... so, I’m not actually sure if it is my fault he did that, are you?
Is it my fault I was crying and begging him not to be so horrible and destructive to me (And our baby)... because he thinks that was provocation enough to sucker punch me in the neck so hard I flew across the room and hit my head against the wall on the other side of the room.
Was it my fault? Was I in control of how hard he hit me? As he thinks I was, or at least, he was excused for not being in control because I’d driven him to it... mistakes happen you know? Except I didn’t know because at the time I was unconscious, that blow to the back of my head on the wall actually knocked me out, it was That Hard. But it’s my fault right?
And then it doesn’t sound so much My Fault that I ‘made a fuss’ afterwards, that I can’t hold my neck up for long periods of time anymore. That I have to live with his mark on me every day, whilst he gets to walk away and pretend nothing important ever happened that night. That he didn’t injure his wife and leave her disabled... because in the reality he makes up, that never happened.
It’s probably he only thing I wish I could believe about his pretend reality nowadays! But sadly, like most of the stuff he came out with, it’s just lies and fantasy, twisted to make him great and you nothing...
Please love, don’t let him get in a second punch or slap, or whatever. Just one time can kill. And I know I’m lucky to be alive. I ignored 7 years of abuse before that, emotional, financial, social, sexual... and the little bits of physical that I didn’t recognise as physical at the time. Thank God I always said I’d leave if anyone ever, ever, hit me. Thank God that my dearest darling abusive controlling man lashed out so clearly with something I couldn’t ignore or redefine as somehow not being hit... so I had to walk.
It took longer than just walking that moment, but something broke in me that day, not just my neck (ha ha sorry bad joke!), and I posted my first post on mumsnet... and some great posters helped me.
So please listen. And don’t ever think it’s your fault x