Is this abusive?

[ObviousNameChanged]

If ones DH said:

He was resentful of your new career success after being a SAHM...
Was jealous of your friends...
Frustrated that you had started to enjoy a little bit more social time as your kids had got older...
Annoyed that you had a new hobby...

Would you think it abusive in any way?

If he had outwardly pretended to be supportive before admitting all the above, how would you feel?

Im sorry you're not getting more support from your family. That's hard. And I don't think it's ridiculous what you've said. I used to wish he had just beaten me instead because then I would have been able to prove it to myself and others, and there would have been no space for doubt in my mind about the severity of what he'd done. And that it was undeniably wrong!

I am glad that today feels brighter for you. You're doing really well. Just keep doing as much as you can manage and remember to be kind to yourself. It does get easier and you will come out the other side of this.

Just wanted to update and let you all know I'm ok. Each day really feels better, I have started a big spring clean and bought paint for my bedroom. Ikea trip pending for some nice new things - each day that I don't have to see him brings new strength and a twinkle of peace inside. More of his lies have come to light this week, he has been quite systematically trying to turn members of my family against me for several months now. But he's gone and the freedom feels really nice so far. I've started to eat again, play records in the evening, and have quality time with my wonderful children. So thank you all very much, from the bottom of my heart. Mumsnet really is amazing.

That's a lovely update to read. I'm really pleased for you.

Having a tough one today. Had to go to our sons class assembly together. He looks great, he's obviously so much happier without me. I feel like he gets to build a new life from the wreckage of mine.

The scariest thing is that my overriding urge is to text and appease him, even now

I really get this and understand why it scares you so much. I would see it as the result of his manipulation and yes, abuse over a long time. In time, once you are away from his influence you will see clearly what this is.

Meanwhile, could you try working out what you could do or say when maybe if you do feel like this. Have some notes written down somewhere easily accessible reminding you of some of his horrible behaviour and how well you do without him. The freedom programme would also be very useful to get you clear of his influence. And MN, too, of course. I'm glad you posted and good to read your updates.

I feel like he gets to build a new life from the wreckage of mine.

Sorry, but that is just part of his plan to manipulate you. It isn't real, it isn't true it's just a ploy to make you feel bad. That's what he likes. It's horrible, please see it for what it is. Your life will get better and better, he is just looking for another victim. Not cool

How are you getting in with the freedom programme? It will really help you to see his behaviour in context, help you see you didn't cause any of it. And give you resources to work through these feelings. All the very best.

Hello MN,
I thought I might post another update for you all, mainly because I have been so grateful for the support and advice I received, but also because I know people google threads for help. I want other women to see that however bleak and helpless you feel, there's always a way out.

I am writing from the decking of my little holiday home, today is the last day and I have to begin the epic task of packing us up shortly, but I've been away on a wonderful holiday just me and the kids! We've spent a fortune, made fantastic memories together and nobody wants to go home yet. The 'wobbly' days seem much further and fewer between now, as I am actively filling up my life with positive activities and people.

The biggest lesson so far is the realisation that I have to be the architect of my own future with boundaries then I set, and a strict criteria of how I wish to be treated. I have to be happy just as me, and that feels lovely. It's very much an ongoing recovery, mainly mentally and emotionally, but also physically which I don't think I anticipated. The horror of a nervous breakdown followed by a split took its toll physically and my body is quietly recovering. With the exception of my children I don't really like to be touched, which I suppose stands to reason. But the point is, I'm just listening to that and going along with what feels best.

I think I hear activity from indoors so I shall finish my tea and see who is up. Thanks MN, and I will of course check in again. You are wonderful and I shall never ever forget the people who took time time told my virtual hand

OP, delighted to hear your update. Keep trucking.