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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship ended again....so sad

70 replies

OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 15:45

I’ve been with this guy about 4 months. I’m 37 and he’s 49. He says he loves me but he doesn’t understand how I think and therefore can’t see us getting married. So today, for the second time he has dumped me. This time in a restaurant full of people so that I had to get upset in public.

The last time was about a month ago. He spent 2 days texting me and telling me he was crying about it. Then changed his mind - he wanted us to stay together. Then he kept phoning me telling me he’d had a bad dream about me cheating on him and HC was crying. Again. He cries after I have sex with him.

I know this is never going to work with him chopping and changing like this but I feel he could have ended things in a way that didn’t make me have to cry in public. I’m autistic so I find this very embarrassing.

Why do people behave like this? I feel totally confused.

OP posts:
sameoldsame · 02/04/2018 15:49

What a cruel thing to do
Just cruel
I hope you can see that
He’s that old and he’s behaving like a 14 year old
Block
Delete
From everything and thank your lucky stars that this is the end
(Also remember this is not the end for him, that’s not what he wants, he wants you ground down and able to accept any behaviour)
Block block block

Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 15:51

Last time I did not cry about it. I get the impression he was getting some satisfaction about seeing me cry in public.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 15:51

This time it feels even worse than last time of course.

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 02/04/2018 15:53

Do not under any circumstances think he is your only chance of happiness and keep going back for more....
Block and move on ...

lattewith3shotsplease · 02/04/2018 15:55

OP,
He sounds a little weird.

Why would someone who claims to love you treat you this way ?

For your own sanity...move on with your life.

He's not worth your tears
Flowers

Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 15:57

I don’t think that but I thought he seemed really lovely at first. In reality though perhaps he is a cruel person. I don’t know many people who also know him. When he first phoned me and said he wanted to end it he said it was because he loved his exes more than me. Then later he said he didn’t mean this.

OP posts:
Ceirrno · 02/04/2018 15:59

He cries after sex? Gosh... That's awful for you!

dontforgettofloss · 02/04/2018 15:59

Ugh, he's horrible. I spent 7 years of my life in a relationship with someone who kept 'ending' the relationship, then crying to get back together.
Block him, and don't listen to his bullshit anymore

PoorYorick · 02/04/2018 16:02

I don't know, on the one hand I am very much for men being allowed to express their emotions, be vulnerable and not have to be strong and manly and macho all the time.

On the other hand, a man who dumps you in a public place full of people then cries about it, dreams about you having sex with someone else after he's dumped you and cries about it, has sex with you and cries about it....maybe I'm a hypocrite but I really can't be dealing with that.

dontforgettofloss · 02/04/2018 16:02

Also, don't be sad, be glad that you've dodged a bullet, hes obviously a complete arse hole, and you deserve better!

seventh · 02/04/2018 16:04

If I told you that your story was happening to me, what advice would you give me?

Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 16:09

I just don't understand it. I thought that because he's been married before for years he would know how to have a normal relationship.

If he's just not that into me then of course I don't want to be with him and he has the right to end it. But I feel that his behaviour around this is incredibly confusing.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 16:18

I’ve blocked and deleted him too. After reading the last message ‘I know you’re hurting but I’m hurting too’

How do I block his emails? Last time this happened I blocked him and then he started emailing me

OP posts:
SuttonSurrey · 02/04/2018 16:24

He sounds like a right twat! Glad you deleted him. You may have to open another email account and deactivate your old one .

sleep5 · 02/04/2018 16:24

Blocking email: Use the "mark as spam" option or if you have rules then setup a rule to delete any messages from him.

numptynuts · 02/04/2018 16:28

Good grief what a self serving knob. He loves the drama. Lots of push-pull.

All the makings of someone a lot lot worse.....

Thank god you've blocked.

Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 16:28

I have Icloud - anyone know how I can do this?

OP posts:
sameoldsame · 02/04/2018 16:33

You can set a rule that it goes to spam and is automatically deleted
Gmail is different it won’t be automatically deleted you have to wait 30 days
Google it, I can’t rememver how it works.
Or even change your email address
You have literally no idea how dangerous this man is for your mental and emotional well being
I would actually say he’s dangerous, you will loose years and be broken by the end of it.

Trust me

sameoldsame · 02/04/2018 16:34

It actually is quite scary for a man who is nearly 50
Fuck knows what hell he put his ex wife through

Zeelove · 02/04/2018 16:40

He's playing with you OP. Cut him out of your life. You deserve way more than this

Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 16:45

He comes out with this ‘I honestly never meant to upset you in public’

This I find hard to believe. There are better and easier ways of doing things.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 02/04/2018 16:46

He sounds awful.

sameoldsame · 02/04/2018 16:47

Don't beleive it then!
Put your big girl pants on and totally have no communication ever again

Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 16:51

I'm not going to don't worry. I hope he doesn't come to myself.

The funniest thing is how he goes around telling anyone who will listen about what an empath he. He's so empathetic that other people's pain physically hurt him Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 16:51

To my house*

OP posts:
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