Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Relationship ended again....so sad

70 replies

OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 15:45

I’ve been with this guy about 4 months. I’m 37 and he’s 49. He says he loves me but he doesn’t understand how I think and therefore can’t see us getting married. So today, for the second time he has dumped me. This time in a restaurant full of people so that I had to get upset in public.

The last time was about a month ago. He spent 2 days texting me and telling me he was crying about it. Then changed his mind - he wanted us to stay together. Then he kept phoning me telling me he’d had a bad dream about me cheating on him and HC was crying. Again. He cries after I have sex with him.

I know this is never going to work with him chopping and changing like this but I feel he could have ended things in a way that didn’t make me have to cry in public. I’m autistic so I find this very embarrassing.

Why do people behave like this? I feel totally confused.

OP posts:

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 15:21

He’s just been outside ringing my bell for ten minutes. So I locked the door and ignored it and he eventually went away. I’m very anxious now I just don’t want to see or speak to him.

Do you think he’ll stop now? I need him to leave me alone.

OP posts:

sonjadog · 03/04/2018 15:26

I would imagine he will make some grand gestures now to woo you back. Because it is all about the drama for him.

StormTreader · 03/04/2018 15:35

"He's so empathetic that other people's pain physically hurt him"

You'd think he wouldn't want to be anywhere near you after having upset you so much - after all, it must be just so PAINFUL for him to be around someones hes hurt so much...

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 15:56

I actually feel a lot better not hearing his constant streams of claptrap. He’s been signed off work sick this week unfortunately so has time on his hands. Tomorrow I will be out all day looking at a potential school for my severely autistic dd whose residential school is closing. So I am busy with that.

OP posts:

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 15:57

He has also been ringing my phone from landlines today & I blocked those.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2018 16:49

Op, there is something very wrong with this man. He's dumped uou for fun and is now hounding you. Keep strong until he fucks off for good. You're doing well. Don't let him back in, there is something very wrong with him.

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 16:54

I'm absolutely not going to let him back in. I can see with total clarity that he couldn't care less about my feelings. And my feelings for him have been based on a mirage.

He told me he was going out with a woman who kept ending things with him every 2 weeks and i now suspect it was the other way around.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2018 17:03

I suspect you're right, he's clearly playing games and likes the power.

He's a total odd ball, so keeping him away Is your only option. Hopefully he moves on fast and doesn't put you through much more. He may hang around whilst he's searching for some other women to toy with.

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 17:55

He is very good looking and works in sales. I suspect I’ve been blinded to who he really is.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 03/04/2018 18:06

He sounds like a nightmare and has issues he needs to sort out.

Gemini69 · 03/04/2018 19:12

Christ what a DICK ... well done for staying focused on your DD and her needs for new school placement etc... tough day but you're doing fantastic ..

TM71 · 03/04/2018 19:16

Good lord what a game player. Good on you for digging your heels in and concentrating on what is more important. There are far better fish in the sea than some mentally challenged little man.

Do not ever blame your autism for things that might go wrong, sometimes we are just blinded by a shiny object and do not see it for what it really is.

If he continues to harrass you you need to contact the police, do not reply back to any of his text messages or answer his calls.

PoorYorick · 03/04/2018 19:20

He is very good looking and works in sales.

I hate him already.

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 19:53

No I’m not going to reply to him. Any response is reinforcing his behaviour. After he dumped me the first time he sent me a text which said ‘what’s the matter darling you’re not responding to my gestures of affection?’

I feel very upset but mainly because the person I thought I loved doesn’t exist.

OP posts:

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 19:56

Ps thanks for your kind words everyone

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 03/04/2018 20:06

It's not you that's the problem here OP, it's him. This is bad behaviour from him and MS doesn't excuse it.

The money in your bag - guessing that was meant to make you feel guilty and try to get in touch to return it. Don't bother - either just spend it on you and your DD and don't worry, or if you don't want to do that, give it to charity. All part of his game playing. What a loser.

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 21:00

My mum has said that if he appears again to phone her and she will ask him to leave. She lives nearby.

OP posts:

shooshoopoopoo · 03/04/2018 22:57

Well done OP. You sound great. You worry about your autism making you socially awkward, but i think it has helped you see what a waste of space this man is really quickly. Thank your autism for enabling you to look at the diffetence between what he says he feels for you, and how he treats you. Well done for acting so decisively. You are much too good for this knobhead!

Original poster

OutofSyncGirl · 03/04/2018 23:59

Thanks Shooo :)

OP posts:

Babyblues052 · 04/04/2018 00:08

He honestly sounds unhinged. And I think you need to be really careful here. If he comes to your door banging again I wouldn't be calling your mum first I'd phone 101 and report it to the police! Then there is a record if this erratic behaviour escalates. Then get some support from your mum. You just don't know what he's capable of, I wouldn't risk it if I were you.

Flip

1 2 3