DH fancies someone at work :(

[Chattycat78]

That’s it really. He hasn’t told me this. I can just tell. He’s only started working with her in the last month or so (she’s new) and he has to my mind been a little distracted since then.

I Have no evidence that anything has happened. Although he was a bit defensive when I asked about her (in general terms) and suspect he told me she was older than she actually is (I looked at her picture online). We have small children, not much free time together etc- you know how it is. We’re both knackered from work and childcare, and i can imagine how other options might look more “glamorous” right now.

There’s nothing I can do is there?. Or is there? Starting to throw accusations around might not be a good plan I’m guessing, but I’m definitely not feeling very secure.

Tell him she sounds lovely and ask him to invite her round fro a drink/ dinner

How do you know about her?

What's her situation - single, attached, children?

He’s mentioned her briefly, but not much to me. I️ overheard him telling his friend about her ;he knew I️ was there but maybe didn’t realise I️ was listening) and he seems to know a lot.

She’s single with older kids I️ believe.

How can you just tell? Are you sure you aren't just feeling jealous/insecure and imagining it?

It’s possible...I am feeling insecure at the mo- never spend time together. It’s all about the kids. How do you get round that though with young children?

Go for the jugular of your spidery senses and ambush his little messages. Truss them up, turn them inside out, upside down and squeeze them out until the his answers run out into a thin curl of words like the back end of toothpaste on your toothbrush. When all is out, what do you feel?

It's normal to find others attractive but obviously the idea is to not act on it !
I'm not saying he has or would do anything but If your feeling like this maybe just a chat with him would be good ? Explain just what you have said on here ? That may give him a bit of a reality check if he has been letting her distract him . Maybe both of you try figure out how you can have some time together just you to for a bit more quality time together ?

the thing is OP... would SHE fancy HIM

Is there a way you could meet her socially yourself - it might reassure you? Or as clumsyduck suggests, talk to your DH?

Ha. Yeah true. Thanks all.

Definitely carbuckety's suggestion. Invite her around.

No don't invite her. My career was ruined because one of my colleagues took a shine to me. It was unwelcome and unreciprocated It is not her fault so don't put her in a position where she is damned if she accepts and condemned if doesn't.

OP,
Dress to kill, wear perfume.....keep popping out to the shops.

In other words make him think you "have other interests"

Play him at his own game.

Why don't you actually talk to him about her. Ask him things. Without accusations?

latte

And that would achieve what, exactly?

Other than give him a green light to chase, if he had an inkling to do that.

Men don't react, the way an insecure woman would, to that childish behaviour.

I know.

Agree with @Unescorted this isn't the woman's fault, please don't put her on the spot. If he does fancy her she might already be uncomfortable with things.

I'd play the long game; ask how she's settling in etc. just so he knows she's on your radar.

that was how my ex-husbands affair started. New work colleague, lots of mentionitus. Then cosy coffees, followed by dinners, followed by late working and hotel rooms. I now know she really made a play for him but we also had young children, a lot of stress, little free time etc.

Knowing now what I didnt at the time, I would say something but say it early before the emotional affair has a chance to dig deep. If our relationship didnt work out then at least I would always know I had tried.

Your DH is such a catch no woman could resit him?

All single women are tarts and would have sex with anyone?

She works with him and thinks he is a weird little perv?

She reports him for sexually harassing her?

Lots of other options are available.

How's the sex life? IME sex was always the first thing to suffer when one of my ex's took a shine to someone else.

Wow. For the record I didn’t suggest any of those things.

I don't think the problem is if she could fancy him or not, I think that OP feels uncomfortable that he probably fancies someone else and I would feel the same .. even without an actual affair, knowing your DH fancies someone else is probably not a very nice feeling, especially if you're not feeling as strong or confident as previously

Sex life is fine- unchanged.

Yes serial. That’s it. Exactly.

I think I'd just be dead straight with him. Tell him you love him but he seems distracted - is it anything to do with the new colleague or something else?? tell him he seems distant and your are feeling concerned and a bit vulnerable. Tell him you fancy the arse off him and am not willing to ever share!