Anyone else the result of a "tricked" conception?

[cheeseismydownfall]

There have been a few threads on here recently where the idea or suggestion of "tricking" a guy into conceiving (by tampering with contraception etc) has come up. The overwhelming response to this is always an emphatic NO, often expressed in very strong language. I understand this of course.

But here's the thing. I know for a fact (she told me) that my mother tricked my father in to conceiving me. They had an appalling relationship and god knows what she was thinking, but she wanted one more child and she knew my father didn't.

They split up when I was young and my father wasn't very involved, but he supported us financially and never treated me any differently to my siblings. As an adult we aren't close in a classic father-daughter way, but I am glad he is in my life and I think he would say the same. I have no idea if he knows the circumstances around my conception or if he genuinely thinks it was an accident.

I don't know why I'm posting this really, I guess it just makes me feel odd when posters are so vehemently opposed to deceiving someone about conception. As I said, I do get it, and I wouldn't recommend anyone to do it.... but.

I guess it just makes me feel odd when posters are so vehemently opposed to deceiving someone about conception.

Do you think people shouldn’t be opposed to it? I mean, creating a human life is a pretty big decision, the two people responsible for that should both be fully on board. Of course life isn’t ideal and accidents do happen but to deliberately deceive someone and take that decision away from them shouldn’t ever be condoned. It’s far too big a thing. Men should always be aware that PIV sex, protected or not can lead to babies but that doesn’t make deliberately deceiving a person into creating a child ok.

There should be trust in a relationship ...and if your wife or long term girlfriend says she's on the pill...then why disbelieve her. So men absolutely get tricked.

A male friend of mine doesn't trust any women and always uses a condom ...which he knots up after use and takes out to the wheelie bin in the back garden. Because women have retrieved sperm from condoms before now.

He nearly got stung once and ever since...he's taken this stance.

Women can be sneaky if they want kids ...make no mistake.

If I was a man and didn't want a baby...I'd stay well away from a woman who did.

A male friend of mine doesn't trust any women and always uses a condom ...which he knots up after use and takes out to the wheelie bin in the back garden. Because women have retrieved sperm from condoms before now.

The romance!

Romantic? No. Sensible? Yes.

A VERY good friend of mine had an older girlfriend. She was 39, he was 25. She "accidentally" forgot to take the pill and he found himself a father at 26. It's fair to say it's ruined his life although he puts on a brave face. He's never been in another stable relationship since and that's fifteen years ago. They're not together any more and their dysfunctional relationship hasn't done their daughter any good.

Interesting how many women here don't give a toss about this. The phrase "zero sympathy" is utterly callous. When I see bad things happen to women I have sympathy for them in just the same way that I have sympathy for men when they're treated badly. Its all part and parcel of being a decent human being.

Fair play for being honest though.

As my username suggests I have two sons - I'll be sure to make them aware that BOTH men and women are capable of behaving like utter scum. This thread being a salutary lesson. Sad. But just the way the world is.

I found out that my dad 'tricked' my mother into getting pregnant. He told me on the day of her funeral .

I didn't ask the details- the mere fact was bad enough. My mum was very young when she got pregnant, and my dad just said it was so she wouldn't leave him.

It has screwed me up a lot as you can imagine. He died not long afterwards. He wasn't a brilliant father, but I loved him very much as a person. I don't think I will ever get my head round it.

My Dad's mum was the "trickster" - a devout Catholic she used a pin in every condom she could find when she stayed over once. My little sister (10 year age gap) is the result.

My parents divorced soon after (another mortal sin!)

She "accidentally" forgot to take the pill and he found himself a father at 26

And he “accidentally” forgot that he can use condoms if he definitely does not want a baby, and the pill is not 100%?

I know several pill conceptions that the mother did not want.

In his case she may have wanted a baby while she was still fertile, but it could have happened by mistake and he’d have been in the same situation.

Too many men are happy to farm out contraception to women because they don’t like using condoms - her body her problem - and are then surprised when the pill fails either genuinely or intentionally.

Not tricked, but I was an accidental conception when my DM didn't realise having a sickness bug could prevent the pill from working.

I was told by my mum that my father was given an ultimatum either they have a baby or she would leave. My sibling wasn’t wanted either my mother thought nothing of the effect on us knowing. Our father is a difficult character and I don’t doubt our mother has told us the truth just by the way he has treated us. My sibling is an alcoholic and I have had my own problems in life caused by direct reactions to my fathers treatment of me. My mum said recently she blames herself as he should never have had children

I have an ex-friend who retrieved a condom from the bin and inserted the contents resulting in her now 1yr old dd. She did it because she wanted a relationship with the father and he was just a fwb. When she told him he begged her to terminate, offered to pay and take her to a private clinic to make sure she was well looked after and then, when she refused, he told her he didn't want any part in the babies life so if she decided to have the baby she would do so in the knowledge she would be a single mum.

She went ahead with the pregnancy and told me she was sure he would change his mind. He didn't so she went after him for maintenance and he now pays monthly for the baby.

I think it's despicable and the poor child will grow up with no father in her life and will possibly find out how she was conceived as the father has said he will tell her everything if she finds him in the future. So sad.

The idea that men should be expected to use condoms 100% of the time is ridiculous. I have an implant because it is more effective than condoms, and I am yet to find a condom that doesnt leave me really irritated after. My DP cant get a vasectomy because we dont have kids and are "too young". If he insisted on using condoms too, to be honest I would be really upset he didnt trust me...

And he “accidentally” forgot that he can use condoms if he definitely does not want a baby, and the pill is not 100%?

Nope. They started their relationships using condoms but she suggested there was no need for them as she was on the pill anyway.

You could say it was his mistake and I suppose in a way it was. He made the mistake of trusting someone who he thought loved him. He also made the mistake of being young, naïve and inexperienced (she was only his second girlfriend).

I hope any sons you might have don't make those mistakes. They'll pay for them for the rest of their lives.

I agree badger. Short term relationships are one thing, but if I had an implant due to a mutual decision with my DH that we didn’t want children and he then insisted on using condoms everytime anyway because I might be lying to him then I’d be seriously reconsidering my relationship (or suspecting an undisclosed STD).

dirty - I am sure your DP could pay to have a vasectomy - whatever the cost it would be far cheaper than raising a child .

Honestly if I was a 25 year old man having a sexual relationship with a 39 year old woman who had not had children yet (I’m assuming?) I would expect to have a conversation about the possibility of pregnancy planned or unplanned .

If he didn’t that is ridiculously short sighted and if they did and she was in the pill so what he should still have worn a condom every time.

Do the maths, if the pill is 99% effective when used properly and remember that does not happen a lot of the time because you know life happens. You have a 1/100 chance of pregnancy every time you have sex. I don’t want children now and that possibility is too high for me.

Use condoms as well also not 100% effective but say 1/100 chance of failure in conjunction with the pill the possibility of pregnancy comes down to 0.01% much better odds for someone who doesn’t want a baby right now.

Woman have to go through so much in terms of contraception/pregnancy I just can’t feel sorry for any man who says he was ‘tricked’ when all he needed to do was wear a condom if he was not ready to have a child.

And if he never wants a child he should take control and have a vasectomy.

I have two friends who have done this - in both cases they were married but had "agreed" to wait a few years before starting a family. In both cases they just decided they were ready as soon as the wedding was over, stopped taking their pill, and then informed their husband of the happy accident. in one case she is open about it, in the other she would never reveal it to child or husband (who now believes he has "super sperm").

I think it happens all the time, and will continue to do so as long as men choose not to be responsible for their own fertility.

The idea that men should be expected to use condoms 100% of the time is ridiculous

But yet you don't find it ridiculous that you expect to take care of your own contraception 100% of the time? Which is presumably why you have an implant.

Recent research showed 600 pregnancies with an implant, it went wrong in around 1600 women, some women had really bad reactions to it, and it got lost in the bodies of 100s of women. I know several women who had serious problems trying to get pregnant after coming off it.

It is very sad that becoming a father at 26 could ruin a man's life.
I was an accident, my mum was much younger than that. My birth buggered up her life short term in all sorts of ways, but our relationship, I know for sure, has enriched it immeasurably.

That failure rate is per year not per shag Dhal, otherwise we’d all be pregnant all the time!

Yes there are implant failures but that’s out of literally millions of women who’ve been on it, over decades.

My ex pricked holes in my box of condoms after we separated. I can only assume he wanted me to catch aids or something.

2boysDad it is his mistake.

Any sons I have wil know that any PIV sex could end in a pregnancy they have no control over.

That they can take steps against this, talking about contraception with their partner, using condoms or having a vasectomy.

But ultimately if you have PIV sex you should be well aware that it could result in a baby. Everyone knows this you cannot be tricked.

EventNotInData that makes me even less sympathetic to these poor ‘tricked’ men! It is so easy for them to avoid an unplanned pregnancy no doctors appointments no hormones no needles no implants no inserted devices in their reproductive system just go to Tesco and buy some condoms!

My wife had an old school friend whose mother proudly told others in their circle that her daughter would "have a little accident" because her son in law was dragging his heals about fatherhood. Pass it down the generations? Why not

We also have a close family relative who made the accident happen with her pill because the husband was not quite ready.

It's got to be one of the biggest breaches of trust that a spouse can make but seems to be shockingly acceptable to some

Trust - it's all about trust

Man and woman prefer sex without condoms. Woman says she'll take the pill. Woman knowingly skips the pill without telling husband. Explain to me how on earth that is not a breach of trust or "tricking" their spouse. The condom argument is pathetically lazy red herring.

I would hope that one would make a judgement about someone's honesty before getting to the position where they're having unprotected sex. If they haven't made that judgement, then more fool them

2boysDad isn't it a bit extreme to say this unwanted child 'ruined' the father's life? It may have made his life more difficult, changed his plans perhaps, but ruined?

Although with neither of the parents stepping up it sounds like the innocent child's life may, in reality, be ruined.